OK this is long question but I think the most detail is the better. I'm 33, and have kids. I work full time with drug users. Back at end of may I got a text from a guy I'd met and fancied the pants off asking me out. At that time I was at the end of my relationship with my ex,the kids dad, 6 yrs together- I'd been working up the courage to finish it for months, but this text gave me the courage. Agreed to the date. Split up with then partner. He has still not moved out of our home, despite it being rented and him not even being on the tenancy. I'm about to go legal route tomorrow. Anyway, my question is about the other guy. We met and my word did we set each other on fire. Intensity like I've never experienced with anyone. We got closer an closer. But because of this I started to get dependent on it, because I had no space at home, as my ex hasn't worked much and barely goes out. My only space was with my boyfriend, even when I wasn't with him, we'd be texting most of the time. I'm an independent sort of person but I started getting so used to having him in my head and heart like a constant companion. Then 3 weeks ago out of the blue he rang me to finish it. Just said he couldn't do a relationship. I went to see him the next day and we talked about it, and he said that he liked me so much that the thought of losing me was too much. And what concerned him most was the I was the most amazing woman he'd ever met and if he couldn't do it with me he couldn't do it with anyone. He was very badly hurt by a marriage that ended a year ago. We sorted it out, he basically asked for space and I agreed. But I couldn't do it could I? I'd grown so used to having him there 24/7 I pushed it. Texting when I knew I shouldn't. Got dumped again and this time he won't see me or talk to me. He just text and said 'i wouldn't dare see you I know my weaknesses. I've thought about it long and hard and I genuinely think he did fall in love with me. But he needed to work it out in his head whether he was ready for it. I invaded his space after he'd asked for it and he's just gone 'right that's it, not doing it'. Thing is, now I can breathe I can see the mistake I made. And I really wouldn't want to go back to 24/7 ever again or I'll never stand on my own two feet. How do I get him back? When I was angry last week I text and said 'yeah its for the best' and some other stuff about exchanging bits we've left with each other. But I don't think its for the best - I mean how often do you meet someone that likes all the same things you do and have endless laughs and fun with and you absolutely fancy the pants off? How do I go about getting him back?

AS Harry Carrey used to say, 'HOLY COW". Just how dumb are you and can you get much dumber?

You sizzled with a new guy - great - you proved that fascination + biological urges = great sex. Don't you have enough on your own plate to sort out before trying to get into another guy's pants so soon after breaking up with your ex. You barely had time to breathe and then there you go again...

I would not give you any advice on how to get this guy back - because I do not think getting back with him is in your, or that guy's, best interest.

You need to get rid of your ex completely before you even consider a new relationship.

You need to fix your current situation before you can even consider a HEALTHY relationship. That was not healthy.

He doesn't want anything to do with you because the EX IS STILL in the picture.

Plus - you pushed him AWAY for being TOO needy, insecure, AND OF COURSE WAY TOO AVAILABLE.

Get your life in order whaere you are not dependt on osmeone else.

They are part of your life. Not your life.

You smothered this guy to death.

Jumping from relationship to relationship without some time in between is always a bad idea and generally seems to end in disaster.

You need to take some time to yourself to reflect and improve oneself!

I hope you have learnt some lessons from this experience!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

Jumping from relationship to relationship without some time in between is always a bad idea and generally seems to end in disaster.

You need to take some time to yourself to reflect and improve oneself!

I hope you have learnt some lessons from this experience!

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I agree with Skell (tried to spread the love but couldn't). It is sooo unhealthy to jump from one relationship to another. Regardless if you are the one that wanted the break or not.

Definitely focus on yourself and your kids. Take a breather from a relationship!

Yeah, you guys are right. Thanks. Hey in 6 months time when I'm all sorted maybe I can ring him but by then perhaps I won't want to. Got to a whole load of cr*p to sort out before I can give my energy away like that!

Thank-you

Means a lot to hear it.

p.s. I AM NOT DUMB!!

Yes - exactly - call him in 6 months - BUT do not expect anything - asking him to coffee. If he says no - move on - but disappear for now - improve yourself and your situation and you will come across that much brighter!!

Yes - get your life in order - get rid th ex out of your life and your next relationship will be much eaiser.

Let's see
Put yourself in your lover's shoes :He have a great deception in a previous relation.
He met one woman who practical live with hubby and their kids . He date with these woman
While legal hubby's at home with their kids (as you own said at " our home"). These woman jump from one relation to another in a blink of the eye and make (technical) from hubby a "real cuckold " :honey , stay with kids please' I have a date, or worst :honey take the kids in your room while I ride my lover and put the TV volume high till I moan and scream. Of corse you are entitled to find your happiness and to be with somebody you love but all the things have their times and places . Of corse your friend now have a lot of questions in his head and not all of them positive . You must to put order in your live and to put the kid's First ! And than the person you love and only on third place you (that is the real love ). You must to understand that your Mr. Right have already his portion of pain and bitterness and I believe he had a problem with trust in woman and your situation is not a happy one right now .
Sorry for I've been rude to you but you must to see the picture from outside and act with honesty with your friend and to teel him that you have right now a lot of things to put in order in your life and that your end of marriage have nothing to to do with him and that your feelings was genuine and from your heart and you understand him and his position and you are sorry to be so pushy and needy and both of you need some time and that you hope someday, after your life will be in order, you will meet him again if he want and mayebe you two togheter you will have a future .
And than give him and you really time and put space between you .
Sorry people for my bad english I'm not a native speaker

Thank-you for taking the time to answer my question. Yes you are right. There's a long list of complicated stuff as to why my ex stayed with the kids while I went off and did that, but that's all other issues. -issues that I now need to deal with rather than focusing on Mr Right. Don't worry about being rude, honesty really is for the best. I sent mr right's stuff back to him yesterday. No note, no anything, I'm not ready to say anything yet and won't be for some time.

I need to sort myself and my kids out, but I can't do that until ex is gone so I am focusing my energy on that. My ex is passive aggressive/controlling so I either went to Mr right or I hid in my bedroom. Time to come out. Face the battle! Once that's sorted, I've got my house straight and feel good again, I'll contact him -maybe, because maybe by then I won't want to. Once again, thank-you for answering. It means a lot xx