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What can I do? I am formally a member of a church that charged me to rent the building to get married. I had a slide show that was included in the ceremony that had to be reviewed. Everything was fine until they reviewing of my slide show. I have a close friend that is a transgender. My friend was on the slide show quite a bit and after the review.. issues evolved. Things became increasingly difficult for what was accepted during my paid for the building ceremony.

The Pastor suddenly was unable to marry us on the day before the wedding. I had to remove many clips from my slideshow and the time frame to which to use the Church began to close in on me. We had exactly 1.5 to have a ceremony, take pics and clean the building up otherwise.. there was a charge.

I was able to get another Pastor by luck who had to be evaluated by Pastor before he could perform the ceremony. The original Pastor asked the replacement Pastor why he was accepting this responsibility? He asked if I was a man and or a transexual man dressing as a woman. The replacement Pastor was appalled! It was almost like he didn't want us to get married there but since we paid for it, he would take the money but make it very uncomfortable for me. I believe he was implying that because I'm not a top heavy person that I looked like a man, and because I have a close friend that is man dressed as a woman.. that was exactly what I was trying to bring to his church.

My fiancé and I had to meet with the Pastor before we could get married. The original Pastor did ask if we had undergone Marriage Counseling. He wanted to speak with the person who approved our marriage counseling also. I will be in contact with that Pastor to see if the same information was talked about as well.

This was not only damaging to my feelings but also put the replacement Pastor in an uncomfortable position. He discussed this claim made by first Pastor and said that the devil has taken over and not to allow it to get in the way of a beautiful union. Mental anguish, sleepless nights and removing myself as a member of this church all happened. I didn't feel beautiful on my special day, I saw his staff and crew that he assigned to watch my private and invited guest only as they laughed and pointed.

Do I have a case?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooperswife

Do I have a case?

Hello wife:

I think you do. They have the right to believe as they wish, but once they CONTRACT with you, how you're treated is no longer in the religious purview. It's landed in the LEGAL purview.

I'd hire a lawyer, TODAY. Shop around till you find somebody you're comfortable working with. It shouldn't cost you any money to file suit, and you only pay the legal fee if you win. You should win - and BIG!

excon

No, I don't think you do. If there WERE discrimination it was because you have a transgendered friend (if I am reading this right). I believe Churches are able to make their own rules - for example, deny the facility to homosexuals if homosexuality is against that Church's beliefs.

Would I consult with an Attorney? Yes, I would. Do I think you have a case? No.

Do you have proof of mental anguish? Did you see a Physician, obtain sleeping medication, something along those lines? You would have to prove your damages and that would be one way. As far as removing yourself from the Church, did they ask you to leave or did you resign? It will all boil down to damages IF you have a case.

While I think this whole episode is shameful on the part of the Church and I can't even imagine your upset I don't see grounds for a lawsuit here.

We actually have a clergyman on board - let's see how he answers.

Thank you JudyKayTee for your reply. They did not discriminate the use of the Church because I actually paid for the use. Normally, church members are able to get married without a fee. That was okay by me since I was not the only one that paid for the usage. My problem is the Pastor had a problem with my friend. He elected not to marry us, however he asked questions and tried to imply that I was a man when another Pastor stepped in to marry us at his church. He had his own personal issues with the transgender friend and I understand. This was not included in my contract about who I could or couldn't invite or show on my slide show. This all happened after I had been in the contract for a while. The Pastor of the church also made accusations with the Pastor who cleared my fiancé and I for marriage counseling. All of the sudden his very close friend died and he had to drive to Arkansas and would not be back in time for the funeral. Why did he not tell me the plans before one day of my wedding? If this person did in fact pass away.. the funeral was the next day. I don't think that is possible? A ceremony and all?

I will consult with an attorney and see what they think also.

As for removing myself.. the Secretary gave me my final printout for tithes and offering. As though I would not be back. It was said that I didn't pay enough tithes to be considered a member. Go figure

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooperswife

This was not included in my contract about who I could or couldn't invite or show on my slide show.

Hello again, wife:

I don't disagree with my friend, Judy, when she said, "Churches are able to make their own rules - for example, deny the facility to homosexuals if homosexuality is against that Church's beliefs."

But, once they CONTRACT with you, as they clearly did, they are no longer a church. They become just like ANY other banquet room that you rent, and they OWED you what they deliver to ALL their other paid customers... You didn't get it, and I think you suffered damages because of it...

How MUCH damage, is a key factor, however. Make sure you get a female judge.

The fact that Judy and I disagree on the legal factors shouldn't dissuade you either. In ANY case, there are lawyers on opposite sides of a questions, who BOTH believe in THEIR viewpoint of the law.

Please let us know how your lawyer searching goes... They're certainly going to know more about it than we do - especially when they've had some time to interview you.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello wife:

I think you do. They have the right to believe as they wish, but once they CONTRACT with you, how you're treated is no longer in the religious purview. It's landed in the LEGAL purview.

I'd hire a lawyer, TODAY. Shop around till you find somebody you're comfortable working with. It shouldn't cost you any money to file suit, and you only pay the legal fee if you win. You should win - and BIG!

excon

Sorry, Exie. There is no attorney that I know of that will not ask you for costs for filing fee and a hefty retainer for a case like this. Only personal injury cases are "no up front fees or costs" cases. Not civil actions like this one is. If they are going to be shopping for an attorney who does not want a hefty retainer up front, they're going to get really tired of attorney shopping.

And as far as them winning, I'm sorry I don't see any viable case for any damages here.

Since your case is with the pastor, you can sue him for the difference in what he would have changed you, and the extra cost ( if any) of the cost of the new minister and cost of finding a new minister.

But I think you will still lose, since in the US pastors are not required to marry anyone if they find there is a reason not to. In fact that is why in the service they often still ask if anyone has any reason, if someone would actually stand up and object the pastor is suppose to wait on the wedding and investigate.

I would say you said you are a formal member of that church, did the pastor not know you previously, or at least did you not know of that churches beliefs on such issues.

Also it sounds like there was no "contract" since you said that a slide show had to be reviewed, so until that show was approved, it was not considered a valid contract ( it was conditional upon the slide show)
*** from a legal view point.

It will cost you many times the amount you could win ( if you even could)

I am sure if you are willing to pay an attorney, you will find many that will tell you that you have a case