Ask Me Help Desk - Came Across Too Strong

As far as background goes, I (26) met this girl (24) via a friend of a friend a couple of weeks ago, and we hit it off. We've gone back and forth a decent amount between texting and talking on the phone and have gone on one real date which went well. Physically nothing too crazy has happened beyond making out but everything seemed to be going in the right direction.

I didn't hang out with her at all last weekend as I was in Las Vegas for a bachelor party, and it was not one of my finer performances as far as hitting the booze goes. While in Vegas I was a drunk texting machine, and while none of the content was actually bad I really think I came off way too strong as far as the amount of communication in this phase of getting to know each other. I know at least if I were on the receiving end I would have been a little freaked out, which is ironic because being too forward probably wouldn't be in the top one thousand on the complaints list from other girls I've dated.

I didn't want to ignore the issue so I sent her an e-mail when I got back basically acknowledging that I had made a fool out of myself. She, as I expected, did a total 180 from before saying how she didn't really see "us" working out and that she was coming off a prior relationship and wasn't ready to be dating someone etc. Prior to over-texting her things were definitely going smoothly and I'm positive that this was a reaction to me coming across as looking to lock her down.

My real question is whether this is a salvageable situation and how to go about fixing it. I'm certainly not in love with this girl or anything close to that this early but as far as someone who I've enjoyed getting to know she certainly fits the bill. I'm someone who is generally pessimistic about these things but I do know for sure that prior to me making a jackass out of myself she was in the same boat as she was initiating a lot of the conversations and all of the positive vibe signs were there. Am I doomed here or is there any advice as far as what my next move should be with her?

You seem to have a good grasp on the situation,and realise you came on too strong...

You have sent the email explaining,she did not want anymore... but,I'm going to go out on a limb here and say because of the content of your post I think perhaps if you leave it alone for a few weeks and send a text or phone and ask her out for a coffee..

Let her see you in the cold light of day,and she will see your not a little ray of sunshine, ( I mean that in a nice way), but just a decent guy who had a few too many and went over the top...

With a little distance between you maybe she will come around.

If however she does not respond, leave it at that and walk away.

Hello D,

I absolutely agree with Redhead. Things like that happen. All in all you sound like a man who has it together. With that being said, I would let it lie for a few days. She may come around.

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DEEagles

My real question is whether or not this is a salvageable situation and how to go about fixing it.

I tend to think it can be saved, but if you were in her shoes what would you do? Either way, let her cool off.

Similar thing happened to me recently, except I never went on a date with my girl (woman really) and we didn't really text back and forth that much. Haven't heard from her in over a week, yet last time we spoke she was making plans to see me and texted saying she "definitely wanted to see me". My cup runneth over.

I doubt your over-texting pushed her away. If she's that fragile, then it wasn't going to work out anyway.

I think the closer reality is that she just broke up and was somewhat on a rebound. What she really needs is to recover from her break up before thinking about a new relationship.

Give it some time before you try to contact her again. You don't need to explain yourself to her so much. When she's ready to go out, just ask her on a date, hang out and have fun getting to know each other.

But until then, you don't need to put your life on hold for her. Go do your own thing too. Keep meeting new people.

Respect her decision. These are her feelings on the matter, that she doesn't see the relationship going very far, as she still needs time to heal... (fair enough, she is probably trying to avoid making you the rebound.)

The making out, to me, seems inappropriate. When you hardly know someone, but you have feelings for them, the last thing you want to do is fuel the fire, and end up sexually involved with a stranger. Let's face it, making out is one step closer to having sex- it isn't exactly "innocent."

Why not ask her if you can just stay friends and hangout in group situations only? If you just want to get to know the girl, you shouldn't have a problem just being friends... this is the best way to get to know someone before a relationship anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

you have sent the email explaining,she did not want anymore....but,im going to go out on a limb here and say because of the content of your post i think perhaps if you leave it alone for a few weeks and send a text or phone and ask her out for a coffee..

let her see you in the cold light of day,and she will see your not a little ray of sunshine, ( i mean that in a nice way), but just a decent guy who had a few too many and went over the top...

with a little distance between you maybe she will come around.

if however she does not respond, leave it at that and walk away.

Thanks for the advice. How do you think I should go about dealing with the elephant in the room in terms of initially approaching her? While I am confident that this was a reaction to my actions and her just needing some space, I also don't want to come across as simply ignoring her e-mail about not being ready to date someone etc. I want to just flat out say that hey I realize I made an idiot out of myself but I thought things seemed to be going well up until then and that I hope we can get past that and actually get to know each other. My gut feeling is to just go with the truth, but when the initial problem was me coming on too strong I don't want to in turn come across too strong in trying to fix it.

Thanks again for the help.

I do understand where your coming from...

And I agree,stick with the truth.. reply to the email,and say what you said in your post above...

Either she will give you another chance or not... if she does,take really slow,let her get to know you,but if her answer is still no,and she can't see past the elephant,she is not going to be very forgiving for other things that may come up...

So,to end,reply,tell the truth,and see what she says.

You let her cool off, and leave her alone for a while, is what you do. Then see if she is in a listening mood, or has gotten beyond you.

Some things cannot be fixed, and it's a waste of time trying, especially since your not all that into her in the first place.