I lost full custody of my kids in October because I was not as strict as their dad. My kids are 13 and 11 and wanted to stay with me. They have mostly been with me all their lives. I have provided all their needs. Their father has been in and out of 3 relationships in which they end because he abuses the women. He lost custody a year ago for throwing my and his dogs across the room. He cannot keep a job and now I have to pay him 948.00 a month and he isn't even working now. His new girlfriend and him are fighting constantly and my son says he has raised his hand to hit her which will only be a matter of time. The judge heard all this and still gave the kids to him. Now my son tells me that his stepmom wrote on his butt this week while him and his dad were horsing around and he was very embarresed. I don't know what to do about this situation. Do I call the srs. I need some answers. I have a nice home but I originally lost them last April because I moved to a little town about 20 min. from their dad and the judge said that was too far. I was hoping they could have a better lifestyle in this small community.

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Originally Posted by jkautz

i lost full custody of my kids in october because i was not as strict as their dad. my kids are 13 adn 11 and wanted to stay with me. they have mostly been with me all their lives. i have provided all their needs. their father has been in and out of 3 relationships in which they end because he abuses the women. he lost custody a year ago for throwing my and his dogs across the room. he cannot keep a job and now i have to pay him 948.00 a month and he isn't even working now. his new girlfriend and him are fighting constantly and my son says he has raised his hand to hit her which will only be a matter of time. the judge heard all this and still gave the kids to him. now my son tells me that his stepmom wrote on his butt this week while him and his dad were horsing around and he was very embarresed. i don't know what to do about this situation. do i call the srs. i need some answers. i have a nice home but i origanaly lost them last april because i moved to a little town about 20 min. from their dad and the judge said that was too far. i was hoping they could have a better lifestyle in this small community.

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I don't understand how you lost custody for not being as strict as their father - this doesn't make sense to me. You also say you lost custody for moving too far from their father. I would "guess" you moved without the approval of the Court - ?

If the children are being abused and you have PROOF, then by all means call your local Child Protective Services AND apply to the Court for a change of custody - back to you. If you do not have proof or if the "abuse" is minor the Court/Judge will not look favorably upon your request.

I did give a 30 day letter but the judge would not look at it. Also the judge would not talk to my kids. He said they were to young to know what was going on. I have called the srs 3 times with no response. I will tell you I have never been through such a nightmare as this. It's as if the judge hated women before I ever got in there.

So why did you not move back closer? I would move to the end of the earth if it meant my kids, I quit a job, moved from TN to GA just to get a chance at custody of my son ( which I got)

See nothing about being strict in what you say.

When has he hit or abused the kids ( not his women) but the kids, while I would view the abuse of the women seriously the judge must only be looking at the threat to the kids.
OR, you have not provided the evidence that the court accepted, did the women come in and testify, did you have police reports of all of the abuse, not just what you said but real proof

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Originally Posted by jkautz

i lost full custody of my kids in october because i was not as strict as their dad. my kids are 13 adn 11 and wanted to stay with me. they have mostly been with me all their lives. i have provided all their needs. their father has been in and out of 3 relationships in which they end because he abuses the women. he lost custody a year ago for throwing my and his dogs across the room. he cannot keep a job and now i have to pay him 948.00 a month and he isn't even working now. his new girlfriend and him are fighting constantly and my son says he has raised his hand to hit her which will only be a matter of time. the judge heard all this and still gave the kids to him. now my son tells me that his stepmom wrote on his butt this week while him and his dad were horsing around and he was very embarresed. i don't know what to do about this situation. do i call the srs. i need some answers. i have a nice home but i origanaly lost them last april because i moved to a little town about 20 min. from their dad and the judge said that was too far. i was hoping they could have a better lifestyle in this small community.

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There are too many things in your post that do not add up. There must be a reason why the judge will not consider it. There has to be more of a reason then that you moved to a smaller town. There is a lot more going on here and for some reason both the judge and the srs are not taking you seriously? I wonder why?

There is ahole in this story... what are you leaving out. You have written for help. There are many wise people on this site and they are ready and willing to give you the help you are asking for. Please give the complete story.

We're getting the whitewashed story - and I would assume the Judge did, too. As soon as the explanation turns into "Judge hates women" I lose interest.

Without more info this does not make sense and I know the Court system.

the town I moved to is a suburb of wichita Kansas. This has been going on for about 3 years since his girlfirend left him and he had to get a job, other wise we were civil to each other till then. Then I found out he was doing crack but his girlfriend would not testify against him. She also had a restrainging order put against him for abuse and abusing her son. None of the women would testify for fear he would hurt them. That was the judges main reason to take the kids from me. Then he sent us to a counselor that was a friend of his and my x made a big scene about not paying for it and not going. At first the counselor said if it was up to her the kids would not be with him because of his anger, but then he started acting good when he went to see her and she said that I was to leanant on the kids and that he was the more aggressive parent and thought the kids should be with him. I don't know what the judge is thinking but I do know that you don't take a women's kids because she is not strict enough. He admitted he did drugs and of course he said that all the women he dated had problems that's why he let them go. I am not a strict parent but I am a very stable person with no records. He has had 2 duis and a hit and run with the kids in the car. This is the 1st time I have had to deal with the legal system and I can tell you if you have never been through it I think it's a farce. Other judges that we had did not see through his charm and did not give the kids to him. I don't understand it but there is no whitewashing here. He does not talk to his family at all and has no friends. I have kept the kids in touch with his family. I didn't move that far it is still in the same county. He did throw my son for not hitting the dogs and I did file a police report. When the police went out to talk to him, they had already been there 4 times before for other things. So am baffled about why the judge did not take all this into consideration.

You said you lost custody because you were not as strict with your children as their father is. This makes no sense. Were your children in trouble and so custody got transferred?

I don't understand how moving caused you to lose custody - the move itself should be inconsequential unless there was a reason for the move. Were the children in trouble and you moved them to another school district?

I'm sorry but I investigate for a living and I just can't see the grounds you are claiming for losing custody.

I also question your judgment in general - you have posted the name of the town where you live as well as using your real name as your screen name here. I can see someone reading this, recognizing himself/herself, suing you for defamation and using what you yourself has posted against you.

I realize you are upset but I don't think you are thinking things through.

first off why would I be getting sued everything I say is the truth that I can back up. Furthermore I can't understand it either. Like I said had I not gone through this nightmare I would have never believed myself. Yes I am bitter. You do everything by the book and because I try to better myself I get punished for it. No my children were not in trouble I am from a small town and really enjoyed it. I just wanted my kids to have a better life in a small town. My mother also lives here and since I father died 2 years ago I have been watching over her. Her and my kids are very close. You say you don't understand it well I don't either and if you met my x you wouldn't understand it either. He borders on physopathic and it runs in his family. Now ever since we got divorced 10 years ago I have opened my home to him so the kids could be comfortable when he had them. I fed him and his girlfriends and I also took his girlfriends son every other weekend because she asked me to get him out of the house and away from my x. I guess it doesn't pay to be nice and get along. So this is where society has put me. When he takes the kids to the doctors he pisses the doctors off. His lawyer even quit him because he was sending him threating letters. And yet I had to wait for him to get another lawyer. Justice I don't see it. But I'm not the one suffering the kids are. So don't tell me you know the law because I don't call this law.

If a Judge made the decision, it IS the law. What you choose to call it doesn't matter. Find another Attorney if you were wronged to the extent you claim.

As far as publishing all this info and giving your name - that is, of course, your choice. If you can prove your allegations and the need to publish them, yes, even if you are sued, you will prevail. If brought to the attention of a Judge will posting this info in such a public place look good for you? I doubt it.

Again, I investigate these matters and I've NEVER seen custody change in favor of a "more strict" parent if the children were NOT in trouble and I've never seen a 20 minute away move cause a change in custody.

I would find another Attorney because if things are as you say you received very poor representation.

Thank you I always wondered if it was my attorney. I am getting another one I will not give up on my kids. Never have. I just think it's sad that people have to go through this. But I truly am serious about the ruling.

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Originally Posted by jkautz

thank you i always wondered if it was my attorney. i am getting another one i will not give up on my kids. never have. i just think it's sad that people have to go through this. but i truly am serious about the ruling.

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Come back and let us know what happens - your experience may very well help someone else.

And I honestly do wish you luck!

Thank you

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they have mostly been with me all their lives

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Do you mean at some time during the kids' lives that you had lost custody before? Or are you referring to the time since your ex has had them more recently.

I'm also curious with your husband being unemployed, even with your $940 a month, how he is financially able to provide a home, and cover all their basic needs?

Can you tell me honestly, if there has been, or is a drug/alcohol problem with him?

He did use meth and I had him court ordered to do a drug test but it took 4 months for him to take it and by then he was clean. He is drawing unemployment. I have bought all the kids clothing forever so he never has had to buy them anything. He also has always had a women supporting him but now the new women he has living there does not have a job either so I get to support her too. Lucky me.

No I have never lost custody until now.

Your previous attorney let you be run over by a speeding train from the sounds of this. Like JudyKT said above, your attorney didn't do such a great/good job of representation. I am shocked that a judge would give custody of children where the parent has a history of DUI and the hit and run with the kids in the car.

The part about writing on the kid's behind is sad, but unfortunately it is not child abuse. The children abuse folks have other, more pressing emergencies to deal with like a father who physically abuses his child and leaves horrible bruises, etc. Words can be rubbed off. Bruises can't.

Get another attorney as soon as you can afford it and fight this guy and get your kids back even if you have to move next door or into the next block to satisfy the judge.

I think Twinkie is right, you need an aggressive, competent lawyer to really represent what is going on here.

Every now and then things seem so outrageous that I think, this person can't be telling all there is to know. But, I do believe you, and things have not unfolded as they should have. You don't sound like the type of person that is going to give up, and I really wish you success with your goals.

As things happen, try to keep a notebook of dates, times, circumstances, phone calls, all of it. It might seem like the last thing you want to do, but it will become second nature, and when things get intense, you have your notes to keep on track.

In the meanwhile, let us know how you're making out.

I want to think everyone for their advice and I will get another attorney. Hope everyone has a nice and safe christmas.