I would like to know how you prove that your husband is viewing porn? How can I document or somehow copy the stuff he looks at so I can have proof that he looks at the stuff? The real kicker is he is a teacher and looks at the stuff on a school laptop that he brings home. That is against the law and I want the leverage for a lawyer but don't know how to do it?? Help please! Some computer wiz please tell me how to do this!

Check the viewing history on his laptop

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Originally Posted by sadie75

That is against the law and I want the leverage for a lawyer but don't know how to do it????

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Hello sadie:

No, it's not against the law. Look. If you want to divorce him, go ahead. But I'm not going to help you screw him over.

excon

How do I copy the viewing history? And, I pretty much think it is against the law on school property

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Originally Posted by sadie75

How do I copy the viewing history? And, I pretty much think it is against the law on school property

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Hello again, sadie:

It may be against school policy, but it's NOT against the law. All you'll do is get him fired... That ain't going to help you with child support. In fact, him losing his job ain't going to help you at all. It'll just make you feel good, and I ain't your weapon.

excon

Hey, thanks for the advice... I appreciate it and understand where you are coming from and certainly don't want you to be my weapon...

Agreed, it may be against school policy but then if it is a school company the school should have put internet blockers on it, as they do most of the in school computers.

But again, why do you want proof, it will not help you in divorce court, there is no need to prove fault and will not get you one extra penny in divorce settlement.
In fact merely looking at porn will not even get much difference in child custody and nothing in difference in child support.

If you want a divorce, hire an attorney and file for divorce.

But as to the history, if you have access to his computer to view the history, he or his lawyer can merely say you got on it and down loaded this material to frame him.

You are angry and not thinking, sorry, if you want a divorce do it, stop trying to prove things, it really serves no purpose at all.

Hey folks; I just want him to be accountable for what he does... is there any such thing as accountability any more? Can a husband be a drunk, not help with family and be a porn junky etc. and then if I mention a divorce, he threatens me to have nothing after 24 years of marriage etc. He has the whole community snow balled on what a great guy he is... but his home life is a total different story and so when he threatens, I wanted something that I could prove... yes, leverage!

Proving something will not make it stop, it will only be proof that you can use to fuss to him about and will not help him one bit. Same as being a drunk, does not help any to fuss at them, they will never stop until they want to.

But in divorce ( know you did not mention but now you said leverage, that is only good at divorce) property settlement is based on many things, but fault is not one of them normally.
The spousal support he would have to pay would depend on your incomes and his incomes and how long you were married.

So you want to prove it to yourself,
Sit down and hit history from the main web page or merely pick it up, walk out the door and take it to your local computer shop and have them scan for porn and copy it to a disk.

Now this is not proof to anyone else, since he can merely say you planted it, but you will have proof for you

Hello again, sadie:

Lots of people are louses.. We're not here to help you settle scores.

excon

Yes, you are mad, hurt because of your husbands actions, but fighting more is not the answer, you need to join some of the help groups, where spouses of people with addictions come together for support.

You down loading tons of porn off his computer will really give you nothing but a CD of porn.

Unless it is some form of really sick porn ( kiddie or animals) tons of people watch it, and him watching some porn would not even get people to bat a eye.

If it is down loaded on a school computer, but if he merely views it online and never down loads it, I am not sure it would actually break most school policies. But it could.

But guess what, if he went to the school and told them he had a drinking and porn problem, he is not the victim of addition and they are obligated to send him to get help under an employee assitance program.

You need to decide to either put up with him or separate and see if that wakes him up.

Fr_Chuck;
Thanks for your advice... it is good advice and I appreciate you taking the time... it is food for thought and you are right... either act or shut up! Thanks

Many people watch porn. I think if you suspect this and have a problem with this then you need to discuss it with HIM. Occasionally porn can be an addiction, but how do you know if this is the case if you don't involve him or discuss your concerns with him? Porn is also a problem if it is not socailly acceptable (ie kiddies, violent porn, bestaility etc)

Bottom line is that I think you need to face up to him and talk about your concerns... I don't know if you have other concerns about your relationship but who knows... if you do talk about things it may actually be for the better? For you and your relationship?

Going behind his back sneaking is not going to do anything good for your relationship and will only serve to turn him against you?

Although many women don't like the idea of men watching porn I think most men do do it occasionally and it can be part of a healthy relationship, especially if the woman accepts that this is normal... and that it doesn't mean that her partner is any less attracted to them and doesn't love them any less. It only means that they have a sexuality and get turned on. Ity can actually make your sex life better if you are willing to accept it (obviously within reason... see above. You shouldn't have to accept anything you don't think is socially acceptable).

Men have looked at forms of porn for at least th epast 1000 years and nothing has and will change with regard to this, except that porn is easier to come by in the information /computer age.

By the way, could you describe the actual concerns you have with him possibly watching porn.. id he less intimate with you? Is this replacing physical intimacy in your relationship? Or is it more that you have a moral opposition with it? Or are you concerned about the type of porn he is watching? Or that it is threatening his job? It will help us to understand your situation better and provide better advice... :-)

Ok, I will give it to you in a huge nutshell... We have not had a very good relationship for the past 6 or 7 years or so. I and my kids have put up with his drinking, spending most time with drinking buddies and neglecting things at home and with our business. He blames the drinking on me and I am sure the porn too! We can go for months on end not saying 2 words a day to one another. As I said, there is a lot of equity involved in this business and I need the business entities for my job. I want to give the business to my children so can not sell it so I can support myself. It is a mess, period. I find that for the most part, I just continue day by day, doing all the work etc while he drinks and is never home. I told him about the drinking problem and he blames it on me. I have devoted my life to being a good steward to what has been given us. He just doesn't give a rip. Then I mention divorce, though, he threatens that I will have nothing etc. etc. and I think that is his way of contolling me. He knows I want the kids to have the business. And, they want it... so, I continue working, working, working I don't want to hurt anyone, meaning his mother or really him, but shouldn't there be something more? And, I had a very short affair, mostly on the telephone, lasted like 3 months. I confessed and apologized to him and the other guys wife who remains my friend and husband said he would forgive me. I opted to stay with him and that was 3 years ago and it has been the most miserable 3 years of my life. I deserve that and have definitely paid for what I have done. The relationship was shot before the affair. Now, I suppose you all are going to attack me and say ah ha... now the truth comes out... well there it is

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Originally Posted by sadie75

Now, I suppose you all are gonna attack me and say ah ha....now the truth comes out....well there it is

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Hello again, sadie:

Nahhh. I didn't want to throw rocks at him, and I'm not going to throw any at you.

excon

Not at all ( at least here) often when a relationship has really ended except for the leaving, couples wander and esp when there is drinking abuse and emotional abuse it is easy to understand going to find someone for emotional, and at times physcial needs. While it does not excuse it, one should just leave, divorce and then go find it. But it is very common.

But drinking and porn and even affairs are signs of problems and believe it or not really not the problem. Trust, concern and communication are the problems, and addictions as to the drinking.

A drunk cares nothing but for hisself and of course he will never blame hisself as long as he can get away with it. Often you will find the homeless bum on the street who was a college teacher at one time but drugs took it, the first thing you hear is that it is not his fault, it was the person who turned him in, the college board for not giving him more time and always somebodies fault.

Often the worst thing family and friends do is support them, by making excuses for them, by picking up after them, by just allowing them to continue.

There is a book, called "Five love languages" often people respond to other things than words to help cure a relationship if that is even something to consder. I know the book changed my life completely.

Next yes, some men like to control using threats, if you want to threaten back ( not what I recommend) but start listing 1/2 of everything you both own, and asking him if he would rather have 1/2 of the house or buy it out from his share of his retirement.
Don't let anyone use threats to control you. Even if it hurts and you are scared, merely laugh at his threats, and he loses his controls.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, sadie:

Nahhh. I didn't want to throw rocks at him, and I'm not gonna throw any at you.

excon

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Thanks, I appreciat that...

Thanks for the suggestions, you guys, I really appreciate it. You all have a good night! I am going to think on it!

It sounds like there are more problems at stake here than just porn.

Porn is just one thing here. What about the drinking, the lack of respect etc

Porn may be what has resulted from the lack of intimacy in your relationship which has obviously resulted from a lot of other problems

Good luck, keep us informed of your progress :-)

Jeeze Louise... get over it already. He's an adult. He's LEGALLY entitled to view porn if he so wishes... particularly in his own house. He's NOT at school doing it on their internet connection.

If you have issues... deal with them in an adult manner. If you want to leave, then leave. Don't try to open any cans of worms because I can guarantee you that YOU haven't been 100% perfect either. Being a PITA isn't going to help anyone but the divorce lawyers who are the only ones to benefit from a divorce where even just one party insists on playing dirty. When both do they both lose to the lawyers benefit.

Meaning YOU are going to lose at least as much as he does if not more.

If you have to split for any reason its in your own benefit (not to mention his as well) to make it as simple and quick as possible. Unless you LIKE paying for for the lawyers Yacht.