I'm a married man and have developed a SERIOUS attraction to my neighbor who I also am her boss at work She is also my wife's best friend. Lately, I have developed a serious physical attraction to her. I go out of my way though to not flirt with her etc. but do have thoughts of physical contact with her.

I know she and her husband are having a difficult time and she has been emotional a few times at work due to a variety of reasons related to her home life. Among other things, her spouse is a professional but drinks A lot, and 8 years ago, had an affair that produced a child. This neighbor has accepted the child and it is raised by she and her husband.

Anyway, I have sort of looked for possibly any 'small' signs that she might possibly be interested in me etc. (although I know it is wrong). A few subtle things have occurred but not anything I can really say 'YES' she is interested.

But last week, she came over one evening and visited with my wife. I was in the living room watching TV. My wife and her went to the kitchen. After a bit, I got up to go say hello so she would not think I was ignoring her etc. I said hello and made great effort to stand by my wife and I began massaging my wife's neck.

After a few moments, my neighbor said... 'Alright, I'm feeling left out here... I need some of that.'. Of course, I was shocked but looked at my wife - who suspected nothing. I then switched over to my neighbor's neck and massaged her for awhile. Of course, it was HEAVEN!!

Is this a sign? I am trying to get this to go away but for some reason it will not pass. I know the problems it could cause. It won't go away. I have even been to see a private psychologist about this.

Believe it or not, I've known the lady for several years and never, ever found her the lest bit attractive until she started working for me several months ago.j

I'd appreciate any thoughts... Was her requesting a massage a sign or just happenstance?

TO make matters worse, back in March, my wife and she made arrangements for both of us and she and her spouse to go to Vegas for a vacation over the Holidays.

Thanks.

When are you getting divorced?

MiddleAgeMan, it's normal for married people be attracted to other people... as long they don't cheat on their spouses. Don't forget that you are a married man, and you shouldn't have massaged another woman's neck. I'm sure that you wouldn't like it if another man gave your wife a massage. It is important to put boundaries in your relationships with people outside of your marriage. If you love your wife and value your marriage, I suggest that you keep the relationship with this woman on a friendship basis. Try to concentrate on your wife and find ways to improve your marriage.

While it is normal to be attracted to other people, may I remind you that as a married man your conduct must have boundries to stay within, as Pretty Lady has said. REAL men respect themselves and their families enough not to cross those boundries as it can be a disaster for all involved including you. Every female, married or not, is off limits to you, whether they like you or not. To me it comes down to, are you a real man, in control of yourself or are you a dog in heat. Completely your choice. Before you even wonder about it, yes I am a REAL man, and cheating is not an option and never was or will be. Married 32 glorious years. All the females love me, and more important respect me. I do like it like that, so does my wife.

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Thanks. But I would have liked to of known what you thought about her interest

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She may be sitting in the same boat you are. So what if she's interested. That doesn't and shouldn't matter. Its what you do that matters.

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GoodSensible Advice... However... that doesn't seem to be working right now.

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That's because you have your nose open, and you're a dog in heat. Any advice anyone gives won't make a difference until you get the dog out. The scent of a woman has you turned out. Just think if you put that energy into something worthwhile instead of something that can destroy you and your family. Go get a red sports car or a motorcycle and leave the females alone.

Yep middle aged man she may be interested, I can see why. Her marriage is a nightmare and she's looking for a knight in shining armour to help her pull through. She sees how good you are to your wife and latches on. Problem with knights in shining armour is they don't exist. And you'll burn yourself out trying. If you decide to go the 'i won't help her I'll just have sex with her' route, its going to land you in a load of trouble as well.

NO! Don't do it. The only conclusion of this would be an absolute NIGHTMARE. Go take up a sport.

Not what you wanted to hear eh?!

Oh Man! This is so wrong on so many levels and for so many reasons. You should fervently hope that she is disgusted by you, because that would make it a little bit easier to do what you know is right and shun what you know is wrong. This really has nothing to do with her personally. It has everything to do with you, and whether you are, as Tal said, a real man or a dog in heat. Maybe you never had the nerve to sleep around when you were young and have always harbored a secret regret about that. Maybe you did sleep around back then and secretly wish you still could. Whatever. DON'T DO IT! You'll regret it to your dying day if you do. Not to mention losing your job and getting your employer sued for sexual harassment. And losing the respect of your wife, your kids, your co-workers, and your friends. And so on.

"I am trying to get this to go away but for some reason it will not pass. I know the problems it could cause. It won't go away. I have even been to see a private psychologist about this."

Good for you for seeing a psychologist. What did he/she say? Let me guess. Something pretty close to what you're getting from everybody here? So you're shopping here for a second opinion? The reason it won't go away is that you are hanging onto it and feeding it. You are NOT trying to get it to go away. That's a big fat lie. Get a grip, man!

I have to say that I agree with Tal-man here. What difference does it make if she is interested? You should concentrate on your love for you wife and your relationship with her. Maybe you should stay away from your wife's friend for awhile. This could only lead to the death of your relationship with your wife. Also, your wife's friend would lose her best friend (your wife) at time when she needs her the most. At this time you need to think of others besides yourself.

Asking for a neckrub is not a sign that she's attracted to you. When I ask for a neckrub, it's because I want a neckrub.

Until you can come to grips with your own fantasy that trip looks dangerous from here.

Oh my, you poor thing. To answer the question you most want answered, yes, she is interested. However, interested in you? Possibly. But she is most vulnerable right now, and sorry to say, she probably would be "interested" in anyone who would pay attention to her now.

As a female and wife, can't say I think too much of her as a friend. I would be hard pressed to call someone my friend, who would not so sudally "hint" for a massage from my husband. Very poor taste. I do feel for her as she is having a rough time and may not be thinking straight.

Would be soooooooooo wrong of you to take advantage of her in this state. You more than likely are better than that. What advice would you give your wife in the same situation... ahhhhhh now I think you may have a different perspective on things huh?

I have no doubt... you will do the right thing...

Holy cow! She's your neighbor, your subordinate and your wife's best friend? This has DISASTER written all over it. Whatever feelings of attraction you think you may have for her, get over them NOW! Nothing good can come of this. Regardless of what she may have been thinking when she asked you to massage her neck, leave it at that and don't do anything like that ever again. You're setting yourself up for an emotional and legal war that you won't win.

I am just more concerned with the title of your thread? It shouldn't matter if you really don't want to have these feelings and don't intend on acting on them!

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Originally Posted by MiddleAgeMan

I'm a married man and have developed a SERIOUS attraction to my neighbor who I also am her boss at work She is also my wife's best friend. Lately, I have developed a serious physical attraction to her. I go out of my way though to not flirt with her etc. but do have thoughts of physical contact with her.

I know she and her husband are having a difficult time and she has been emotional a few times at work due to a variety of reasons related to her home life. Among other things, her spouse is a professional but drinks ALOT, and 8 years ago, had an affair that produced a child. This neighbor has accepted the child and it is raised by she and her husband.

Anyway, I have sort of looked for possibly any 'small' signs that she might possibly be interested in me etc. (although I know it is wrong). A few subtle things have occured but not anything I can really say 'YES' she is interested.

But last week, she came over one evening and visited with my wife. I was in the living room watching tv. My wife and her went to the kitchen. After a bit, I got up to go say hello so she would not think I was ignoring her etc. I said hello and made great effort to stand by my wife and I began massaging my wife's neck.

After a few moments, my neighbor said .....'Alright, I'm feeling left out here...I need some of that.'. Of course, I was shocked but looked at my wife - who suspected nothing. I then switched over to my neighbor's neck and massaged her for awhile. Of course, it was HEAVEN!!!

Is this a sign? I am trying to get this to go away but for some reason it will not pass. I know the problems it could cause. It won't go away. I have even been to see a private psychologist about this.

Believe it or not, I've known the lady for several years and never, ever found her the lest bit attractive until she started working for me several months ago.j

I'd appreciate any thoughts.....Was her requesting a massage a sign or just happenstance?

TO make matters worse, back in March, my wife and she made arrangements for both of us and she and her spouse to go to Vegas for a vacation over the Holidays.

Thanks.

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Hi again, new at this. Not sure how to comment on a comment :) Yikes :). This is for ordinary guy... No, I do not think you are a cynic, more a realist. With that said, I sure hope he does the right thing.

Obvisouly you know it is wrong, still have interest, don't want a divorce, and wonder is she is interested. Seek counseling in this manner. It doesn't matter if she is interested or not!!

It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

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Originally Posted by MiddleAgeMan

I'm a married man and have developed a SERIOUS attraction to my neighbor who I also am her boss at work She is also my wife's best friend. Lately, I have developed a serious physical attraction to her. I go out of my way though to not flirt with her etc. but do have thoughts of physical contact with her.

I know she and her husband are having a difficult time and she has been emotional a few times at work due to a variety of reasons related to her home life. Among other things, her spouse is a professional but drinks ALOT, and 8 years ago, had an affair that produced a child. This neighbor has accepted the child and it is raised by she and her husband.

Anyway, I have sort of looked for possibly any 'small' signs that she might possibly be interested in me etc. (although I know it is wrong). A few subtle things have occured but not anything I can really say 'YES' she is interested.

But last week, she came over one evening and visited with my wife. I was in the living room watching tv. My wife and her went to the kitchen. After a bit, I got up to go say hello so she would not think I was ignoring her etc. I said hello and made great effort to stand by my wife and I began massaging my wife's neck.

After a few moments, my neighbor said .....'Alright, I'm feeling left out here...I need some of that.'. Of course, I was shocked but looked at my wife - who suspected nothing. I then switched over to my neighbor's neck and massaged her for awhile. Of course, it was HEAVEN!!!

Is this a sign? I am trying to get this to go away but for some reason it will not pass. I know the problems it could cause. It won't go away. I have even been to see a private psychologist about this.

Believe it or not, I've known the lady for several years and never, ever found her the lest bit attractive until she started working for me several months ago.j

I'd appreciate any thoughts.....Was her requesting a massage a sign or just happenstance?

TO make matters worse, back in March, my wife and she made arrangements for both of us and she and her spouse to go to Vegas for a vacation over the Holidays.

Thanks.

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Seeing other peoples lives fall apart should only make you appreciate yours all the more, turn off the hormones and think about your future with your wife and no one else. We live in a society these days where relashinships are only skin deep with no moral values and the slightest bump makes people walk away from each other rather than hold on and analize the situation and make things work. Think of yourself as nothing but a big brother to your neighbour and dismiss any intimate feelings as being nothing more than brotherly love.

I'm starting to think this is a scam thread.