I want to know if there's something I'm doing wrong. I keep attracting these married men who or guys who I know don't care about me, but want to use me. And I'm not at all interested in any of them. I know I may be a kind, nice person but I'm no dummie either. And I tell these men I am celibate and not interested in them in that way but we can be friends and that's it. They still try to pursue and it bothers the hell out of me. I don't want to be the mean "bit*h" and curse them loudly but this is becoming upsetting. I am not desperate for a man that's not mine. I want my own nice guy who is single and into me. I've been told cause I'm attractive this problem won't go away. I've gone as far as changing my phone number cause I want these guys to beat it. Just cause I work on a project with them doesn't mean I want them calling me if it's not work related. I now have a 2nd line separate from my mobile. Hate to do it but it got way out of hand. I had one married dude call me back to back to back like 15 times in a row, I never picked up I thought he was crazy. I had my male friend call him back and he told him to stop bothering me. This jerk still called me up after about a year passed, and I never pick up. It's kind of scary. I have never romantically been involved with any of these men. I just want to be left alone!

First off, don't tell them you will be friends with them.
Second, don't give them your phone number.

Well, I think you need to be a mean bi*ch.

Sounds like you're not clear enough with these guys and you're trying to be tooo nice.

Quote:

---

And I tell these men I am celibate and not interested in them in that way but we can be friends and that's it.

---

I mean honestly, why explain? If you don't want their attention TELL them so! Not this namby pamby 'I just want to be friends' stuff...

• I'm not interested in married men
• I prefer to keep my work relationships professional
• Go away, I'm not interested
• No thank you
• F*** off loser

These are all lines you can try... but first, stop being kind and nice to these guys. You're not their GF, sister, mother or wife. Keep it strictly professional and totally work related.

In the end if the problem keeps repeating itself, you're sending the wrong messages.

Be clear, direct and assertive. They'll think you're the ice queen but who cares? At least they'll leave you alone.

Hate to tell you fiestyone, but telling a man you are celibate is almost considered flirting. Yeah, I know, this doesn't seem right, but its true. Ever notice their eyes kind of light up when you say it? Its just too much personal information. Beside it sounding like a fun challenge.

Gemini54 is right on the mark.(sorry had to spread the rep) You have no obigation to say your going to be friends with these married guys. Married guys don't have single women friends. Unless they are friends with their wives as well. So the basic truth is, you are inviting this unwanted attention. Its sick and sad, but between the word celibate and friends you had them.
Disclaimer; Not ALL married men are like this. Thank God.

Guy 101, tell them they can't have something and they want it 10x more... its our MO, well maybe a MO mostly for jackasses, but still a rep that most of us rightfully deserve

Have you tried mace? Taser? Joking of course, but I actually got indirectly maced just the other night while standing at a bar because 2 women were playing with mace, and let me tell you, one touch of mace in your eye, or pretty much anywhere on your face, and I guarantee men will not be getting as friendly

@Gemini - I'm going to try your lines and I'll do the "ice queen" advice. You are right it don't matter if they hate me cause I don't want to be bothered with them in the first place. And I will re-evaluate very closely who deserves nice and kind versus those who don't. And I did tell one of the two married jerks off but he still kept contacting me like 3X after I told him to get lost. And I wasn't nice about it I was very firm. I think he's just an , I feel bad for his wife and kids she has no clue he's a cheater I bet.
@Sabre - Good advice, thank you. I won't be friends or even mention it. I'll tell them this is strictly business and don't call me from the contact sheet unless it's business related. I think I may have to be loud about this in front of others so he understands I am not joking. Men get sneaky and try and corner you. In 2010 I will not be "prey" that scrambles away anymore.
@Rockie- wow! I didn't know that, I figured if I told them I wasn't having sex they'd become turned off and find someone else. But now that you've told me that I'll keep that personal info to myself. I guess honesty isn't always key if it's not necessary to be with the wrong person.
@Aiyerrc - LOL! Never tried mace, didn't want to hurt anyone. But maybe I will try "fronting them off" in the presence of others by telling them to get lost and beat it not interested. Or do you think that will just make them mad and seek revenge? I once told a guy off in high school in front of others and he left me alone. But these men are like 30s. What do you think?

I get mad just thinking about married men honing in on a pretty girl! You deserve respect - tell them once (only once) that you aren't interested, then definitely tune into b_t_h role.

I wouldn't suggest a "friend" mode - only do the "business" mode when it's work related. Don't give out your number to anyone you're not truly interested in talking to.