Ask Me Help Desk - Does she really love me?

Hi experts! 3 years ago I felt in love with a wonderful girl. Afer a couple of dates I finally told her that I really like her and that I wanted we to be more than just friends. She told me that at that moment she didn't need a boyfriend and that she "like me" and "thinks i was attractive" but that she wanted to remain friends. So since that moment we have been dating as friends-boyfriends (I really don't know): we go to the cinema, sometimes I invite her to dinner, sometimes she invites me, I meet her parents and so do she, occasionally we kiss, she cares a lot about me and so do I and everyone at the university thinks that we are a couple. But the problem is that we are not a couple and I'm tired of going out with someone that looks like my girl-friend but it is not! When we are alone she is very lovely and she hugs me and kiss me but when we are with other people she behaves in a different way. I really love her, and I think she is the woman of my life but I'm sick of this false relation. What should I do? Should I told her? Is she going to be angry with me? I can't stand one more minute with this situation. I want to have her as a girl-friend! I don't want a friend anymore? I love her! What should I do? :( Thanks!!

She has been honest and told you she only wants to be friends and her actions back that up , if you can't handle that and want more it might be time to accept that she'll never be more than a friend and look for a new girlfriend if that's what your after.

If she likes you only when your alone, its not a good sign. She sounds like she acts embarrassed around you. Definitely not a good sign. She may like you but it doesn't look like she likes you VERY much.

In my experience, which is only limited, when you are in love with someone or love someone you just want to shout out to everyone how happy you are with this wonderful person! You don't want to hide the person you are with or pretend that you are not together... It doesn't sound good if she treats you in this way (It might be that she doesn't love you as she says she does as you certainly wouldn't treat somebody you love in this way) Does she refer to you as her boyfriend to other people in public? The only other thing that I would make sure of, is whether she feels uncomfortable about showing affection in public (some people are extermely embarrassed to do this, although your case sounds quite extreme).

Overall,my advice would be to confront her about this issue and tell her how you feel. Give her an ultimatum and get things straight (find out what your relationship means to her). You may not like the answer but you deserve better than this... everybody does.

My brother had a similar experience and it didn't turn out well for him.He said to the girl that he was tired of being treated in this way and he left her. Soon after that she couldn't stop contacting him, but he just ignored her. After all, she had caused him so much pain it didn't seem worth it.

You deserve better

You're just hurting yourself by allowing this friends with benefits to continue.

You already told her how you feel and she already told you how you feel. If you can't accept her feelings, then don't continue this arrangement.

If you're only sticking around in hopes that she will one day change her mind, you're just going to keep suffering and setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.

Quote:

I think she is the woman of my life but I'm sick of this false relation. What should I do? Should I told her?

Look at it this way, while your in love and ready to do more than play kissy face sometimes, the thing is she was honest and upfront about being in no hurry to jump into something you both may regret.

She is taking her time getting to know you, because your still a stranger, even though after a few dates you were very gung-ho, to get things moving faster.

Hate to say it friend, but she is right to protect herself, and her heart, and take her sweet tome checking you out, and seeing if your worth the risk at all.

What's the hurry? If you are real in your feelings you would be paying attention, and making sure your doing this right.

I don't know how long you have been dating, but instead of frustration, you should be building communications, and a comfort level with each other, as she clearly will not jump into this couple thing the way your ready too.

Bottom line, if you can't handle the pace she is keeping, then leave her alone, and deal with someone who can do it, the way you want it.

You obviously don't care as much as you say, and want more faster than she is ready to give it. That's a conflict to be worked out through honest communications, together, or, what's the point??

Your decision.

Ok, first I really want to thank you all for your answers! It was so fast! Honestly I didn't expect it! Thank you very much! :D
I will respond to all your answers individually:

friend4u178: Yes I know I have thougt that. But the thing is that we date like we were boyfriends. Friends don't go out each weekend and friends does not pay for the cinema or dinner. I mean, it is and odd relation. If we were just friends then she wouldn't invite me to the cinema, dinner or just to hang out at her home. I think is different from a conventional friendship, what do you think?

basketballlover: Yes, sad but true. When we are with other people sometimes we hug or she lets me take her hand but we never kiss and she treats me different. This is the main reason why I fell dissapointed!

sandalwood7: No, he never refers to me as her boyfriend in public and yes, I'm thinking in giving her an ultimatum or at least a sort of. If her answer is that we are just friends it will hurt but at least I will know the truth.

I wish: Yes I know but her actions doesn't reflect that she only wants me as a friend! As I said to friend4u178. That is my point, that is why I am so confused right now :(

talaniman: I don't think I am a stranger, maybe your right, but I consider that after 3 years of hanging out together I can't be a stranger. I do love her. If she told me that she wants to be my girlfriend but not know I will wait for her, but the thing is that she said "just friends" 3 years ago and the most of the time she behaves as if she were something else. What do you think?

Once again thank you for your answers, I am planning to confront her and tell her the truth about my fellings! Tell her that I think that with this kind of relation we should move a step ahead and become more than just friends! I will wait for any other answers though! I am still on time of making up my mind!

Hi dieggio

I think the fact that your not even sure yourself what her feelings are speak for themselves , bottom line is her actions certainly aren't those of a proper girlfriend.

If I were you I'd just ask her if you really want things to progress , but be prepared for the worse in my opinion. I really hope I'm wrong and it works out for you.