My son choose to go to college in Florida. I live in Indiana and that is where his permanent residence is. His father and I are divorced. In the divorce decree there is no mention at all about who pays college costs. Am I responsible for any part of the expenses since he choose a college out of state and out of state tuition? I might also add that he lives off campus with his girlfriend in an apartment they rent. I strongly feel it is not my responsibility to pay for him to play house. Not at all what I thought his college years would be. I do plan on getting a lawyer, since I was presented a summons to appear in court over this matter.

Was there ever an order for child support from the non-custodial parent? If so, was/is it ordered to continue through his college years? States differ on this ; some stop support and any pursuant obligations right at age 18, while other states require support to continue through the college years, up to a certain age. If the non-custodial parent is no longer required to pay child support, then it's likely that neither parent is required to continue to support him. Now, in your case, it sounds like your son is essentially living as an emancipated adult, renting his own apartment and cohabitating with a woman and many miles from home at that, so that could become an arguing point. Your attorney should be able to fill you in completely on what his rights and your obligations are in this situation.

Have you looked at your current child support paperwork yet to see what it says ? The reason for asking is because Indiana is one of the states that have gone between 18 AND 21. If it IS 21 then he would have had to follow the rules of the court by making declerations and filing them with the courts well beforehand. If he didn't then he's not entitled to anything. It was meant for students who went on to continuing education and still living at home.

I was taken to court in August of 2009. My Ex argued that since my son was no longer living at home, he should not have to pay child support. The judge agreed and child support was stopped. My son is 19.

Your post isn't making any sense now. In your original question it sounded like a new matter. Now your saying its already past. Which is it and what's going on ?

So, if it was your husband who had been paying child support, then why are you making it sound like someone is coming after you to pay for your son's college?

My child support WAS stopped in the summer, this is a new matter. Which I just received on December 4th. Someone is coming after me to pay tuition and that is my ex-husband and my son. My second post was in response to questions asked of me, an addendum you might say. Sorry you find it so confusing, I do too. But the two post go together. I might also add, to make it more confusing, I am disabled.

Since your ex is no longer required to support your son under Indiana law (and that should be the case, since the judge stopped the child support), then by extension, you shouldn't be either. That being the case, the action now being brought by your ex and your son would have no merit. Check with your attorney to be sure but it sounds like you should be in the clear.

It looks like, after talking to an attorney today, that the only way to get out of paying is to have my child emancipated. Since I don't have any say in what he is doing or where he is living and going to school now, in a sense he has already done this. It's the emotional issue that I have to deal with now. Do I want to send a message to him that I don't want any responsibility for him? Impossible one to make!

I'm still not getting this. Did the attorney tell you you have to take any legal actions or not? You mentioned the emotional issue and sending him a message. There's a big difference between telling him that you just simply can't afford to and "i don't want to help you further your education."

Yes, my attorney did tell me I had no choice but to take legal action. I was left with several options. I "simply" can't pay his out of state tuition. If I can't afford it, what's the difference. He still will get the impression I don't want any responsibility of furthering his education. An in state school would have been dramatically cheaper. But he wants to be there, and he won't be convinced otherwise. I can either ask to have him emancipated or wait and see what the judge says my portion will be.

Well I hope you'll keep us updated. I don't see how a judge could make you pay when your ex husband's child support payments have already been stopped.

I was under the impression that you don't have the money to help your son pay for college. If you just don't have the money then it's entirely understandable that you don't help him financially. It's a different thing if you have plenty of money and were just simply choosing not to help him at all. I would feel that you were in the wrong then, and I would understand why your son would be upset. But if he chooses to interpret you're not being able to help as you not wanting to, then that's an issue he'll need to work out on his own.

Maybe you can help him find scholarships he's eligible for. My aunt can't afford to give me or my cousin any more money for school. But anytime she see's scholarships we might be able to apply for or any other type of aid, she passes it on to us. And she's always there to help us fill out our financial aid paperwork.

[QUOTE=justcurious55;2133838]i was under the impression that you don't have the money to help your son pay for college. If you just don't have the money then it's entirely understandable that you don't help him financially. It's a different thing if you have plenty of money and were just simply choosing not to help him at all. I would feel that you were in the wrong then, and i would understand why your son would be upset. But if he chooses to interpret you're not being able to help as you not wanting to, then that's an issue he'll need to work out on his own.

[QUOTE]

I have to disagree with a persons status and helping out through college. That's a personal choice. It could be that most things that are earned in life have much greater treasure value then if someone simply gives them to you. And in today's world many many children really do need that lesson. Having said that sure it would be nice to pay off the student loans at graduation if the situation is there but Im still against the courts forcing parents to pay for college just because the child wants to go. What are you really saying to those that can't afford it or those left without a parent to help them at all ? There is a huge difference between a hand up and a hand out.

I think you're misinterpreting what I'm saying. I agree that the courts should not force anyone to pay for their children's college. I also agree that children should have to pay for at least some part of their education. But here's where I'm coming from. My boyfriend's father is rich. He makes plenty of money that he could help his children get through school. He always has money to waste on going out to dinner nightly and luxury cars (yes, multiple). But he's very stingy and reluctant when it comes to helping them pay for school. And I don't think my boyfriend should get a free ride (he doesn't anyways). But when he can't get any financial aid because his father makes so much money and he still has to include his father's financial info on his financial aid forms, and he can only work so much and keep his grades up, I do think his father is wrong for being stingy. Every other day he's threatening to cut him off completely. And I do think that's wrong.

If I was able I would simply write a check and say "go where you want, I will pay". But young kids these days think they deserve it all. They are not willing to work hard for anything. (not all but most). I would have never expected my parents to foot the bill for me. I suppose the relationship between the parent and child should matter too. If your boyfriend treats his father respectfully then he should do what he can, tuition wise. But if your boyfriend only wants dad due to his money, then that's wrong.

This is still very confusing. Apparently the OP has just received legal advice from an attorney telling her that she is obligated to support her 19 year old son. Ok. But I don't see how that would translate into an obligation to assist him with college expenses.