Dilemma on intimacy in marriage
This may sound like a classic case of husband cheating his wife but I can certainly use some advice from you.
I have been married for 9 years. Have a 3 year old kid. For last 5 years there has been lack of intimacy between me and my wife. We both do our duties towards the family. She takes care of home and kid and has an nice active social life. I work, help her with household chores and all social life needs. But for last 5 years or so she has lost the desire in bedroom. We have had several conversations and fights but her understanding is that whatever we have is adequate and she cannot do anything more than that. I suggest that once in a month or two is not adequate enough for me and I feel disconnected from her if there is so much time lapse. All conversations would leave me unhappy and unresolved. Every time we would talk she would tell me that I am obsessed with sex and never happy with what I have. I stopped talking about intimacy altogether. By the way, where I come from we do not have sex before marriage so we don't know what each others needs or capacities are. The first 4 years of marriage intimacy was fine. But now, I got frustrated and started to see girls outside, pay them and get my physical needs met. But it further frustrated me because I started to feel like a bad and lonely person. Stopped it and turned to porn. Made me feel more and more unhappy and alone. Now, my wife continues to think that everything is hunky dory but inside I am feeling like a hole is growing bigger and bigger. I have suggested that we take some therapy or see someone who can help us with the issue but she is unwilling. I put on a happy face in front of her so that she can be happy and not troubled my trouble. She can't help me because she has no interest in it. We talked and made a plan that we would attempt to get physically close at least once in 2 weeks. I plan and arrange for a nice time, romance, everything but she would put in zero efforts. I am convinced that she has now become asexual and does not need sex. I thought maybe I am not meeting her needs in other aspects of relationship and that is why she is not interested in coming close to me. Indeed she had some things that she wanted better and I worked dilligently on making sure I meet or exceed her expectations. I believe that I am meeting her expectations. I have tried pretty much everything to bring the intimacy back but it hasn't happened. I am coming to believe that my luck is not with me in this regard. I feel like that particularaly because on every occiasion when we have planned or special occasions like honeymoon , valentines day, our anniversary, my wife has had some problem and we have not had sex. It like I am cursed. What shall I do?