Hi I'm a 24 year old single mother, I recently was seeing the man {whome I work with} for around 6 months I've fallen head over heels for him, around two weeks ago he told me he couldn't take things further as he is insecure about trusting people in case he gets hurt I am devistated as I feel I have ruined everything or any possible chance I had with him telling him I loved him, plus I have to see him every day. He still flirts madly around me but he won't give me anything, and he tells me he feels bad for treating me like this, as he knows I love him. So I decided that the best was to move on would be to find someone new so I did this lasted around 2 weeks but I couldn't feel the same connection with this man the way I did with the first so I ended it, this man was heart broken he says he loves me and really wants it to work with us. I feel as though the tables have turned and I am treeting him the way my first man treated me. Sort of like karma. I'm so confused I want to be settled and loved so badly, I just don't understand what's going on in my head, I've accepted the first man doesn't want anymore but how can I move on when I work with him every day help xx

This is why it's never a good idea to date someone you work with. It's never easy once the relationship goes sour.

He's leading you on. He's still flirting, but he's not willing to commit.

It's time to tell him to stop his behavior, that you deserve someone that wants to be with you, that's willing to commit to you, make a life with you. If he's not willing to do that then he has to leave you alone so you can move on.

As for the other guy. Be honest. Tell him that you jumped from the frying pan into the fire and that he was just a rebound. Then go to No contact.

I suggest that you stay single for a while, work on yourself, learn to depend on yourself. You seem to fall into relationships a bit too easily. You don't need someone else to make you happy, you only need yourself for that. Until you can find happiness alone you won't be ready to find happiness with someone else.

Good luck.

You don't heal from a breakup by jumping into another relationship and it's not fair on the guy you used as a rebound. Tell your ex to stop his flirty ways and avoid him as much as you can. Work on yourself,be happy being you and realise that you don't have to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself.

I never used the second guy it was meant to be just ''fun'' he ended up really liking me, I feel terrible about it.

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Originally Posted by hazee

i never used the second guy it was ment to be just ''fun'' he ended up really liking me, i feel terrible about it.

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The thing is, he was a rebound.

I know how rebounds work. I'm a female too. ;)

You may not have meant to lead him on, but you were needy, crushed, in love with someone that doesn't love you back, needing a bit of validation that you're attractive and lovable.

I'm sure that you didn't mean to lead him on, but you did.

It's time to let him know that he doesn't have a chance. Leading him on, letting him think that he stands a chance is not only cruel but doing the same thing that the 1st guy did to you.

I have told him I can't be with him as I'm not ready and my heads a mess but he's convinced he really loves me.its like karma or something

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Originally Posted by hazee

i hav told him i can't be with him as im not ready and my heads a mess but he's convinced he really loves me.its like karma or something

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It's not karma, it's you.

You seem to jump from one guy to the next.

You state that you really love guy #1 but instead of giving yourself time to heal from his rejection you jump to guy #2.

You need to take a break from guys for a while and concentrate on yourself and learning to be alone.

Then you go no contact with him.

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Quote by hazee;hi I'm a 24 year old single mother, I recently was seeing the man {whom I work with} for around 6 months I've fallen head over heels for him,

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Red flags- working together, and getting to involved, to fast. (6 months? to fast)

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around two weeks ago he told me he couldn't take things further as he is insecure about trusting people in case he gets hurt I am devastated as I feel I have ruined everything or any possible chance I had with him telling him I loved him,

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So he didn't want to go beyond dating, and he wanted nothing more, it happens, but you were in deeper than he was, but at least he was honest.

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plus I have to see him every day. He still flirts madly around me but he won't give me anything,

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That's the hazards of workplace relationships, when they don't work out, but your still hoping for more, so of course now the flirting he probably did before that you thought was cute, is pizzing you off.

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he tells me he feels bad for treating me like this, as he knows I love him. So I decided that the best was to move on would be to find someone new so I did this lasted around 2 weeks but I couldn't feel the same connection with this man the way I did with the first so I ended it,

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Another bad choice, jumping from one guy to another and expecting better results. You skipped the whole healing process "looking for love in the wrong places".

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this man was heart broken he says he loves me and really wants it to work with us.

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After two weeks? That's crazy, but not as crazy as your falling in love in 6 months. But at least you see the irony of your situation, an have some insights as to what the first guy was feeling. He was dating for fun and wasn't wanting what you wanted.

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I feel as though the tables have turned and I am treeting him the way my first man treated me. Sort of like karma. I'm so confused I want to be settled and loved so badly,

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That's the whole root of your problem, you were making poor choices because of feelings, and ignoring the red flags waving, all because maybe you were getting carried away by the good times.

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I just don't understand what's going on in my head, I've accepted the first man doesn't want anymore but how can I move on when I work with him every day help xx

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I think first you see your part and stop holding out hope, and tell hin straight up, that flirting at this point hurts and you need space.

Stay out of any relationship, until you get past the idea that a guy is what you need to be happy, and balance your life with friends, family, and activities that you enjoy, that make you happy. Over time and staying busy, you will get over the guy, and be happy, and find someone to share it with. The key is a fulfilling life outside of work to look forward to. Be patient with yourself, as it will take time and work by you, and you'll get past this.

Good luck, and don't depend on a guy to give you love, until you love yourself.

Why do you need a man so badly in the first place. Have you thought about that? Why the drama and heartache you set yourself up for.

Enjoy your own company, and be your own best friend. Learn to do things that make your life worth living, and concentrate on you for a while. Maybe take a course, volunteer at a local food bank, get a dog and get some exercise.

You might want to consider looking for a new job too. You can't change the people in the workplace, but you can change your workplace.

Try to focus more on living your life, and less on having a man in it.

Because I'm lonely by my myself,I wasn't with anyone for over 3 years before all this happened

You have to get over one loss, before you tackle another challenge. You took your feelings with you too soon, when they were too fresh and intense, and jumped right into it again with another man. You have to feel comfortable that the feelings you have for the first man are put to rest before you can even consider a new one.

Think of it like this. You are enjoying a nice roast beef dinner. Mashed potatoes, carrots, yorkshire pudding, green beans, gravy, fresh buns and butter, followed by home made apple pie and ice cream. You are full- stuffed. Can't eat another bite.

Do you then turn around and cook up a couple of steaks, baked potatoes and a chocolate cake? No, of course not. You are too full from the first meal, to even tackle a snack.

Digest the first one, give yourself time to work up an appetite without being too hungry, and start with salad this time.

Thanks