Ok, this is proably going to be a long post so bear with me.

Me and my ex have been broken up for just about 6 months now. For the most part we have stayed away from each other, only talking every month or so, and even then, its just casual checking up on each other. She is currently in a relationship with a guy for about 5 months and I don't want that to change. She seems really happy and they really seem to care about each other.

Last Sunday she calls me and we talk for an hour or two. It was nothing heavy, just casual talk and it was a lot of fun. I figured that was our phone call for the month and left it at that. Then on Monday she calls me again, and I'm like OK, maybe she was just bored. We talk for another couple hours and leave it at that. Tuesday she calls again and I am starting to wonder what is going on. She wants to come over but I am writing a long paper due the next day so I tell her some other time. Wednesday comes along and she is texting me like crazy while I am in class. I finally call her back and she wants to hang out. I don't have anything going on so I tell her yeah, come on over.

It started real casual and we were just having fun talking and goofing around. She started making a few advances on me like standing in the doorway blocking my way when I got up and stuff like that but I avoided all those. Eventually I gave in and kissed her, and we started making out. By the end of the night, we ended up sleeping together and we both felt awful about the whole situation. I told her that I wouldn't tell anyone about it and she agreed to do the same.

The last few days this has been bugging the out of me. I feel like an awful person because I made her cheat on her boyfriend (well I allowed it). I stayed up almost all night last night pondering what to do with the situation. I needed to get this off my chest and make it right and tell her boyfriend about what happened. I tried calling her a few times to tell her hey, you need to tell him about this because its just all messed up. Every time she picked up the phone he was always with her and he started catching on that something was going on. She told him that we had been talking the last few days and that I was trying to get back with her. In other words, she was just saving her . The next day her boyfriend gets my phone number and calls me and wants to meet up at a coffee shop and talk to me. I agreed and we met up there today. I decided that I was going to tell him about what happened.

He asked me why I still pursue her even though we had been broken up for 6 months and why we were talking again. I ended up telling him that we slept together, I was really sorry about it, and I was prepared never to talk to her again. He didn't believe me but said he was going to ask her about it. Before I went in the coffee shop, I told my ex what I was going to do and that I was very sorry but it had to be done. I couldn't stand hurting their relationship anymore, and it hurt me to see her lie to the person she cares about the most. I told her I was going to set things straight and just tell him, and I did.

Did I make the right decision in this situation? I don't think I could just live with that kind of a thing on my concience. I realize that we both messed up but the only way for me to feel better about it was to come clean and get it off my chest. Should I have kept it a secret? I feel like that I have messed up her whole life now because I pretty much have ruined her relationship. Am I an for doing this. It feels like I did the right thing but it hurts so much?

Please let me know your opinions.

Thanks,
James

I think your going to get a variety of answers here, and I think a lot of people are going to say it was none of your business, but I can tell you if I was him, I would want to know. To be honest, he must suspect something to call and ask you to meet with him.

I think it tells you all you need to know about your ex as well, she's a cheater.

Your first mistake was inviting her over after she had started to call you more and more. You share the blame for everything after that. You helped her cheat. Now to smooth over your own hurt feelings you really get in her business and drag the boyfriend into it. I don't think it will make her a bit of difference at all because she obviously didn't care about cheating on him anyway. Spare yourself the guilt trip and know she played you both. So leave her alone and don't return her calls so she can't catch you up in her little drama.

This is a good example of why I tend to think that any contact after a breakup leans too much toward games. Sadly, with games like this, real people get hurt. Now you see to what extent. It seems to me that until either of you can manage your sense of honesty and desire in a more responsible manner, you get what you get. If passion isn't an integral part of honor, then its just self-centered fulfillment. Kind of like the chinese food of romance -- an hour later and you're lonely again and worse than ever, n'est pas?

Did you really tell him to make it better? For who but you, hoping when it ends what they had going, she'll come back? How did you manage to give yourself permission for that, I wonder. Maybe take a longer look in that mirror...

I agree with the answer by Valinors_Sorrow...

I think you may be denying the real reason you felt the need to tell him what had happened. Forgive me if I am wrong, I don't mean to judge you without knowing you but do you think that deep down you resented the fact that she had moved on with him and felt that by telling him what had happened, this could in someway do the exact opposite of what you state you do not want to happen i.e ruin their relationship with the hope that she would come back to you?

No doubt you feel guilt for what happened, you are human! But I'm not sure it was your place to tell him. You made a big mistake inviting her round and I sense that you knew that something was going on, that she was in someway instigating this scenario.

I would not want to be with any woman who cheats on any man because if she's done it to him, regardless of your history with her in the past, she could very well do the same to you as well.

I would forget her now and move on!

So you used to chat to your ex for a couple of hours at a time once or twice a month?

What's going on there?

So you have helped her cheat and now told her boyfriend.

It is time for you in my opinion to have no more contact whatsoever with this girl.
She is playing games, you are responding and in one way or another you will all end up hurt.

You went above and beyond the call of duty. She's just as much responsible for what happened as you are. In fact, in a sense, she's even more responsible because she's the one who was involved with someone else yet she decided to come on to you. You were just a single guy having some fun. It's not like you were cheating on anybody ; she was the one doing that. Of course, it probably would have been more noble of you to say something like "Well, no, don't come over, that's not a good idea since you're with somebody now." However, that's water over the dam now. If you're that bothered by the whole situation then just turn it into a learning experience for yourself and make it a point in the future not to foll around with someone if they're involved in a relationship.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

You went above and beyond the call of duty. She's just as much responsible for what happened as you are. In fact, in a sense, she's even more responsible because she's the one who was involved with someone else yet she decided to come on to you. You were just a single guy having some fun. It's not like you were cheating on anybody ; she was the one doing that. Of course, it probably would have been more noble of you to say something like "Well, no, don't come over, that's not a good idea since you're with somebody now." However, that's water over the dam now. If you're that bothered by the whole situation then just turn it into a learning experience for yourself and make it a point in the future not to foll around with someone if they're involved in a relationship.

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Tried to rate your response but got the pop-up - just wanted to say I agree 100% with s_cianci - you can close the door on this now, lock it and throw away the key. That's a finished chapter, time to start a new one!

Just curious is this the same female from you previous posts here?

Hey,
I think you did.
I was recently told by a friend that my now ex boyfriend had been cheating on me -with her.
To hear it from her and see how she felt bad, made me feel slightly better about the situation.
Don't feel bad about it, as if she really cared about this guy she wouldn't have been advancing on you and she would have told him had she really felt that bad.
Congradulation on having the guts to tell the guy and not lie to his face.