Ask Me Help Desk - Perverted close friend.

Hi, well I have a close friend who is really funny and cool (though she isn't a genuine friend, she gets jealous easily and can be one sided) but when we're in a group of people with people we don't know well, she kind of scares people off with her crude and raunchy comments (constantly)... I've met cool people who sort of fled after a while of knowing her, and I know I'm not going to ditch her because other people can't stand her, but I feel kind of bad for not meeting cool people because their scared of her... what should I do?

If she is a jealous, one sided person, she could be running possible future friends off to keep you for herself. This is not a great friend to have. Im guessing that she is the dominate friend, and you tend to stand back. You should first talk to her about her comments and how they come off to others and how they make you feel. Upon meeting new people, you could simply introduce her as 'My outwardly raunchy friend so&so' This should at least make her think for a moment and give others a heads up.

Hmm, well actually she's not too dominant and I'm sure as hell not passive... If she's mean to me I will definitely tell her how I feel, regardless of her reaction... But the thing is, that people we befriend are people we already knew but were getting closer to. Every time I bring it up she says "well that's me and if they don't like it then they dont have to talk to me." which is a pretty confident and cool answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by barbiechick123

Hi, well I have a close friend who is really funny and cool (though she isn't a genuine friend, she gets jealous easily and can be one sided) but when we're in a group of people with people we don't know well, she kind of scares people off with her crude and raunchy comments (constantly)... I've met cool people who sort of fled after a while of knowing her, and I know I'm not gonna ditch her because other people can't stand her, but I feel kind of bad for not meeting cool people because their scared of her... what should I do?

"she isn't a genuine friend"
"she gets jealous easily"
"can be one sided"
"scares people off"

hmm, if it was me and it was one of my "not genuine" lol, friends, I would tell them to cut the crap or I'll show them the door.
But if it was one of my genuine friends, I'd sit them down and ask what's going on, and explain my concerns and that it is upsetting/annoying me how there acting, and I'd see how it goes from there.

That's what you need to do, before it gets worse and the only friend you have left in this world is your non-genuine crude an raunchy one. Lol ;)

Separate the relationships. There is no reason why you can't be friends with her and with other people too, and there is no reason for her to be involved in any of your other friendships. Don't be afraid to tell her that you're going to go hang out with someone else. Just make sure that you aren't completely ignoring her. Be her friend, but be friends with other people too, just put a degree of separation in there. (this could mean making the choice that she will not- as long as it is in your power- hang out with you in situations involving a newer crowd of friends- or a group of friends, etc.) Boundaries make for healthy relationships.