I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?



I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop Masturbating.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"



I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?




I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."



I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

A bit racy, but I loved them!!

Aha, the truth comes out. M is really a dirty old man! Welcome to the club.

Well I really liked them!

Damn! I was just examining how much weight the carpet will carry.

Some additions... the ladies are going to kill me :eek:


Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
To the kitchen sink.



How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me... '



How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

The very 1st one scared me for a second:eek:
But they were all great:D

Why don't men have to buy dishwashers?
Because they married one:)

That's so bad. :)

Turnabout is fair play M.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Comments on this post
Altenweg agrees: Sleep with one eye open M!

---

Oooohhh I will from now on , and one ear cocked :eek:





Attachment 27105

I have to spread the rep.

That sucks. :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I have to spread the rep.

That sucks. :(

---

I agree Attachment 27108


I hate it when I really like someone's post and I can't Rep them because I really liked the one they did before , ah well that's life :cool:

Life sucks! ;)

Sigh.

More man jokes? Okay. :)

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Remember M, you started this. ;)

Quote: Alty What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.


I snorted:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Remember M, you started this. ;)

---

LOL... keep them coming Alty , no offense taken here their only Jokes after all , OK well I have plenty more :cool:


How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.



What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.



Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there.



How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Oh, your bad:cool:

LMAO! Okay M, you got me, I giggled. I have to admit, I giggled at the first ones too.

Okay, more man jokes.

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their a$$holes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Turnabout is fair play M.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

:)

---

And then God created a WOMAN.. :D

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE... He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

I'm sorry, but I really liked Alty Vapor lock one and Silvers

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE... He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Are these just coming up in your brains? I love them!

Yours too M:D:rolleyes: but we are women.:)