Not sure if you get a lot of questions like this or not, but I thought it couldn't hurt to ask someone...

I'm a college guy who's generally extroverted but kind of shy when it comes to dating, and hasn't really done much in the area since some bad, short and unsuccessful relationships a few years ago.

Meanwhile, I've got this female friend who is pretty introverted and self contained in general. We've been acquaintances for over a year and friends for over six months, but recently we've become much closer--we're spending a lot more time together, and I find myself inviting her to all the things my friends and I do.

She shares a lot of interests with me, but again is very shy and quiet, so she's also sort of a mystery to me. She is not dating anyone, but I don't know if she wants to either.

I've been thinking I might like to be more than friends with her, but I am absolutely stuck. I'm really worried that if she doesn't feel the same way it will damage or perhaps ruin the friendship. I've tried this before, and it never seems to end well. Can a friendship be converted to a romantic relationship?

I'm also not sure exactly how you transition from a friendship to something more. We've been interacting as friends for so long it seems like it would be odd if it were suddenly different. My relative lack of successful experience in this matter further gives me pause.

For the mean time I've been spending time with her and trying to read the tea leaves, but I terrible at that, and don't know what to think.

That's my situation. Any advice you could give would be much appreciated. Or, if you've responded to an identical question and could link me to something helpful I would be very thankful.

My husband and I were introduced by a mutual friend and slowly became friends. It took other friends eventually pointing out that we were both (unbeknownst to the other) talking about this friend a little too much. Like the Bonnie Raitt song, we stood a little too close, stared just a little too long, etc. When we got together we would often regale each other with our latest "bad date" stories. So one day, after the laughter subsided, he casually asked me if we could try dating or did I think that would jeopardise our terrific friendship too much? He says to this day he saw a light go on in my eyes. I said yes and we both came to realise what had been missing before: we weren't friends with our respective lovers. We are, for the most part LOL, happily married now for a long time. I think it's the great friends part that helps to keep our marriage fresh while growing right along with us, as paradoxical as that sounds! I suggest you ask her when you are prepared to hear either answer and then read her eyes, not the tea leaves.

This is just an idea, I do't know if it applies directly to your situation but I once had friend who would come to me and talk about the men in her life and tell me everything that was wrong with them. Finally one day I asked her, "Your always complaining about who your dating, do you know what you want in a guy? As she listed off the qualities she was looking for I would say "check", "check" and even through in a couple of "no check."

When she was done, she said to me, "Are you saying we should date?" I told her I wasn't saying anything just pointing out that I was obviously somebody she trusted, could talk too, and confide in, funny, and I seem to have some of what she was looking for. She then said the magic words "Well, you've never even asked me out?" So I did and we went out once and then she moved so nothing ever materialized. But the premise is the same and I think applies to your situation.

Like I said that's just an idea, I'm not sure it would work in your situation but maybe you could incorporate that into what's going on with you.

It sounds like things are growing on their own so don't do a thing to change it. Keep being friends and let things grow at their own pace. What's the hurry. A strong relationship is built on a strong friendship. My wife of 32 years was my very best friend for almost a year and we just grew closer and committed to each other. We are still dating. The worst thing you could do is to rush things and put pressure on this friendship to be more than you may ready for. Relax and let the friendship grow, while you get to know each other.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It sounds like things are growing on their own so don't do a thing to change it. Keep being friends and let things grow at their own pace. Whats the hurry. A strong relationship is built on a strong friendship. My wife of 32 years was my very best friend for almost a year and we just grew closer and committed to each other. We are still dating. The worst thing you could do is to rush things and put pressure on this friendship to be more than you may ready for. Relax and let the friendship grow, while you get to know each other.

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I think you should do what tal says here. Don't push things, just let things grow naturally. You will be able to tell when the time is right to perhaps apply a little more pressure but until then I wouldn't changer much of what your doing now.
Continue down this path, have fun when your with her and I'm sure if it is going to be then it will.

My ex and I were best friends for a couple of years prior to us dating and I never really thought of her in a romantic sense. She was my best buddy and someone I just loved hanging with and talking to. I treated her more like I did my male friends. Then one day it just happened and I spent the next 7 years with my greatest friend.

Friendship is such and important base for a successful relationship!

The only thing I can suggest is to be suttle. Next time she says something funny and you laugh trying touching her arm with your hand briefly as you laugh and then slowly move it away again.

If she compliments you but you feel embarrassed just tap her on the knee slightly as you shy away the comment. Little suttle touchs to the arm and knee are suttle hints that you like her and acceptable in not pushing any boundries - trust me it works ;)

Apart from that just carry on being yourself and dloing what your doing!

A lot of people will advise you that it is very difficult if not impossible to convert from "friendship" to "relationship." I agree that if you're going to attempt such a move it has to be done very slowly and deliberately. Probably the best way to start is to behave a little more flirtatiously towards her and give her a chance to respond likewise. Actions rather than words ; talking to her about it will probably only scare her off. Joke with her and be playful towards her in a romantic sort of way. Take "baby steps" towards building the kind of intimacy you desire with her. Since, as you suggest, such a move would be a drastic change you want to take things very slowly and gradually.