My boyfriend's father passed away this last January. His mother has been spending her time coping (they were married almost 50 years), and has been getting ready to sell her 1.5 million dollar home for a smaller more manageable place.

I have been there right along with my boyfriend helping her sell things, pack, organize, etc. I come to help with the grand kids, help set up for parties, and attend family events (4th of July, parties, Thanksgiving, etc.), as well as clean up after said events. She has told me that I am considered a part of the family. I am included in their yearly Secret Santa thing they do for Christmas.

A few weeks ago while the boyfriend and I were at her house doing more packing and organizing, and she mentioned that she had to cancel her debit card because of some fraudulent charges from an Asian clothing website. She was stressed in having to deal with it on top of everything, and was just ranting about it to us.

Today, she sends an email to my boyfriend while we're at work.

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OK... I have a question...
A few weeks ago there was a charge on my account, using my check card as the purchase online for $169 at a place called yesstyle.com...
I called at that time and put through it as a fraud on my account... they credited it back to me... I had to cancel my ATm and wait for a new one etc...
Today I checked my account and saw another charge to the same place at yesstyle.com for $69 on the 17th of Nov... I called again this morning and notified them of another fraudulant activity..
THEN it dawned on me... I THINK THIS IS THE NAME OF THE PLACE *myname* IS ORDERING HER CLOTHES FROM... I may be wrong but I think it is the same place.
You need to ask her... IF IT IS... HOW IS SHE USING MY CHECK CARD AND CHARGING ON IT??
NOW THEY HAVE TO CANCEL EVERYTHING AGAIN AND I AM UP CREEKKK dealing with it again and I put it through as a fraud...
Please ask her now if that is the place and how is she charging on my account?
Let me know asap...
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My boyfriend turns to me (he sits next to me), and asks me when I last ordered clothes online. I told him that I bought a dress for our Christmas party, but he paid for it. He asked how much it was. (He should have known this... ) The total price was $217 and some change. Then he asked me if I'd heard of the website's name. I said no.

So I Googled the website, and it's an Asian clothing store. I told the boyfriend this. And he wrote back to his mother.

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This is not something that anyone you know is doing.

Not really cool that you would accuse *myname* of doing this. She is kind of offended that you would think that she would do that mom. >.<
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So she writes this in reply.

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Cool that it is not her... don't be offended that I thought of her... it's because I am on your account (in case of emergency or you need some money from me hahaha) and I thought that maybe somehow our accounts got inter linked... that's not really a weird thought.. since I am on both your checking and savings... if you are going to make a big deal of this... I'm sorry I really have time to deal with emotions right now.. soooo forget it and let's move on... I just was going on a thought...
.thank you for looking up that place.. I can't figure out what the hell is going on... how does someone get my info... this is twice I've had to change things and it is such a hassle with me moving and stuff...
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Meanwhile, I'm sitting at my desk, crying because I couldn't believe she'd think I'd do that to her. My BF asks me what's wrong, as he can see me upset. I explain this to him via our work messenger:

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He says:
What are you all sniffly about over there?
She says:
I'm just a little hurt she would accuse me, that's all.
He says:
I don't think she was accussing like it first sounded. She thought that I was letting you use my card, and somehow her account was charged, because our accounts are linked
She says:
I know you're in a bad spot because she's your mom and stuff, and maybe that's what it was, but it didn't sound like it, she flipped out and immediately thought it was me
She says:
And once you said hey wait a second now, she explained it out so it didn't sound so bad
She says:
She jumped to a conclusion for whatever reason, and that sucks for me. She didn't even apologize for that, she just said whatever I don't have time to deal with this, sorry you misunderstood.
She says:
That makes me feel hurt and upset. She wouldn't just pluck anyone's name out of the air. That's not how people think.
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And I don't know what he told her from there. But next I get an email from her with this:

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Hi,
Just have a moment before leaving for new house...

Hopefully, you understand that I was not accusing you of ripping me off or anything... I just thought that possibly you thought you were using shaun's account which he had let you before and it was coming out of mine... since shaun and I are linked with both savings and checking... I said that I wasn't sure if that was the name of the place that you were ordering from and I preempted my thought with saying that... anyway.. the whole thing starts with me and shaun being linked and other sh... has happened before with his account and mine getting mixed up?? so basically I wasn't weird in thinking that it may be possible.
Anyway... I think the whole statement I made probably came out wrong because I do have sooooo mcuh on my mind and I had to sit on the phone for an hour dealing with the fraud thing AGAIN... I just did it 2 weeks agoo.sooooooo it really is me and my stress level and my crying and my stressing and my crying...
Sorry for the misunderstanding... you know I love you and didn't mean it to be the way you took it...
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I don't know why, but it just seems like she was explaining why she was right in questioning me. I have never ever done anything even remotely close to theft from anywhere/one, and I am absolutely apalled that she would even consider me. If her account is linked to my boyfriend's, why didn't she consider him too? Why just me? And why didn't she remember that this happened before and that she'd figured out what the website was and that it was fraudulent??

She's always been really nice to me, but my boyfriend has mentioned little things here and there that have been hurtful. First, she was questioning my boyfriend why he was dating someone who was overweight. Then she was looking up my personal illnesses and was questioning my boyfriend and asking him if I was really not able to be pregnant, and cautioning him to be careful because I could be trying to trick him. (She researched endometriosis on the internet, which she knows I have. That alone doesn't really cause sterility, but is not the problem that caused my inability to bear children. She just assumed.)

With all of that together, I don't know. Maybe I'm making too much of this. But it was really hurtful, even after her "explanatory" email. It just feels like maybe she doesn't really like me, because she didn't really apologize for the "wrong" thing she did... and she caused it. It just felt mean, and I'm being asked to "drop it" because her life is stressful and she doesn't have time for it. I was supposed to go to her house this weekend and help with the final move out. Now I'm afraid it will be awkward and weird. :( I guess I don't know how to respond, or what to do.

I think your making way too much of this and should just let it go and get beyond it. What's a person to do but at least investigate when these things happen. Accept her apologies, and get back in the groove.

Try to see this from her point of view. Where should she have looked? Help the old lady out by being more mature, and a lot less sensitive.

I think it would have been nice if she would have said the 2 little words, "I'm sorry", but I sort of think she was trying to smooth things over with you when she sent the e-mail. I imagine it really hurts to think anyone would accuse you of doing something like that, especially someone you may want to be able to call "mom" someday.

I think the best you can do right now is just pretend nothing has happened and continue from where you left off. It's tough, but I think it's the best thing to do under the circumstances. :p

Talaniman - I appreciate your response. But I have to disagree on some points. I was trying not to overreact, which is why I didn't get angry. But I don't think I was immature, or less mature than I should be in the situation. I didn't reply or go crazy. I was simply hurt by her accusation and the way she approached it. Where should she have looked? It's happened before and she figured it out. It happened again (meaning something on her end is compromised), so she decided to accuse someone she knew instead of the same place that did it, and she picked me.

I don't see the logic in that other than maybe she has other reasons to believe I may be shady. It doesn't make sense why my name would come up. I've never used any of their bank information or cards to purchase anything. I think if it doesn't make sense, there's something wrong with it.

I may have been emotional when I wrote that post above. But I believe that someone should apologize when they do something wrong, not blame it on circumstance or stress or whatever. Everyone is stressed out or having life changing experiences at one time or another, that doesn't mean you can hide behind it when you lash out at someone.

Devorameira - I think I'm probably going to pretend it didn't happen as you suggested. I ended up not responding to her email, because I didn't really know what to say. I'm pretty sure she'll say something to me this weekend anyway and I'll just smile and say it's okay, so I'm just going to drop it and move on.

Maybe you have had no experience with elderly people, but I have, and its always better to back off, and not take what they say personally. Especially when under duress.