I hope those reading this can help me. Because I can't help myself. I've tried and I've failed with every attempt. I don't want to seem like just another complain freak who's upset because she can't have things her way. So I hope you guys don't see me as that. But I feel like I've been put on this Earth as a joke. I have no leading role in my life. Everything I do is controlled by my mom. Nothing I say is ever right in her eyes. I'm the biggest disappointment to her. There's even been times where she said if she could go back in time she would have never had me. She makes me feel so low about myself that I hate to wake up in the morning. I literally cry when I open my eyes each day because I know it's just another day I have to deal with all the pain I get from her. Whenever I'm happy she hates it. She would do or say something to hurt me just so I can feel miserable about myself. I guess to build her self-esteem. But then she'll turn around and say how she'll support me and will always wish me the best. I'm so lost. I don't even know my own mom because she changes her stories all the time. Half the time I don't know if she loves me or if it's all a lie. To be honest I don't even remember the last time she told me she loved me. She treats me as if I'm the dumbest person in the world. She embarasses me on purpose. I can never be what she wants. I can never be that perfect daughter. I'm 19 and she still treats me as if I'm 5. She talks about me behind my back and calls me every name in the book. She's called me out my name in front of me. She tells me how dumb I am. And nomatter what she says or does to me I can't help but try to make amends because she is my mom and I love her. I just don't see it from her. And she hates for me to have friends. She tells me to get rid of them. She only does that because she feels the attention is off her and she needs me around to make herself feel better. And she's not close to my sister. They barely talk. And she knows that if she really gets me mad that she'll have no one to talk to. She knows I'll keep running back to her and making sure she's okay. But I can't take it anymore. It's driven me to the point where I'm wishing for death because I don't feel good enough. It hurts when your own blood... the one who gave you life is making you feel so low about yourself. I don't know what to do.

Hello,
Wow it sounds like you are having a really hard time! I am sorry that you have to feel this way every day. It sounds like your mom has some serious issues! IS she married? Or does she have a signifignat other in her life? You know it's hard to annalyze a person's situation from just reading a blurb summed up, I mean how can you sum up 19 years of feeling crappy?! I am not an expert by any means, but my mother and I had an aweful relationship. She also used to call me every name in the book. Her favorite one was a fat cow. Show me a teenage girl who doesn't have self esteem issues!Let me tell you this wreaked havok on my life. I suffered from bulimia and would starve myself for days. I contemplated suiced, I drank, I did drugs, I ran away from home, I did it all. I thought my mother hated me. But when I look back, she stuck through it all. Could you guys just be going through a hard time? Has she always been like this to you? You didn't mention a father, is there one in your life? At 19 you are at that age where you are an adult legally, but just lacking some of the answers. Is the reason your mom and sister aren't close because she treats her the same way?
You know sometimes there is hope that you can reconcile your differences, but sometimes you need to do what's best for you. Even if it was only a temporary situation. Are you able to stay with your sister for a few weeks or maybe months? Is there any other family members you could live with? What about getting a place of your own? Noobdy should make you feel like you want to die. No one has the right to do that to you. Have you told her what she is doing to you? It kind of sounds like she is self absorbed (and maybe Bi Polar?) and may not listen to words, but maybe will listen to actions. Such as leaving for a while. The thoughts that you are having, you're not alone. But it will pass. Life will get better.
Hope this helps, even a little bit!

Sadly,not everyone who parents a child should do so.I am sorry you have had to learn that through such a horrible experience.

Your mother is a poor example of what a mother should be and from what you have said here I question if she is mentally stable.

Her behavior sounds not only cruel but bizarre.

Hurting your own child to somehow make you feel better about yourself is not the actions of a mentally healthy person.

My suggestion to you would be to seek counseling for yourself so that you can gain confidence and can learn how to distance yourself from your abuser.

You may be unable to affect any change with her behavior but your reaction to it and the ways you can learn to cope can change your life.She may never change but your reaction to her and your dealings with her can change.You do have power over your life and no one has the right to make you think otherwise.

I know counseling takes money and that may be a problem but there are support groups and pastoral counseling is free in many churches.

Below is an on line link to many support groups.You can also look in your local directory.
There is help out there and I hope you get the help you so dearly deserve.

Psych Central: Abuse: Support Groups

Your mom has some self-esteem problems. She needs to put people down in order to feel good about herself. Unfortunately, this isn't uncommon.

It's always a good idea to find something for yourself independently as an escape. Worrying about what your mom thinks of you will do no good. You could benefit from talking to a counselor, a pastor, or a very trusted friend.

You mother is sick and she is making you sick too. Get away fro mher as soon as possible. You can't help her but u can get help for yourself. WHen u do leave don't look back, just keep going until you are ready to stop. Yo uare not running away , but running to keep yourself sain.

I know exactly how you feel. Not that it is the same situation exactly. There is a saying that The most important people in your life. Your family is who will hurt you the most.
It is so true. Some friends that I have are closer to me then my own family. Been through hell in different situations growing up and now as an adult. It is not fun, it is heart wrenching and upsetting and it does not seem that anything makes them happy. Although in the same breath they say they love you but actions are totally different. Everybody has there problems and situations but it is up to you to change this in a positive way. Only way to get out of this negative dependent cycle with your mom is to break it. You are the one that decides to keep going back to it. So your without realizing it is adding to the problem.

You might not like to hear this but in some circumstances. And these are one of them. Your mom says many hurtful things and sounds like a nasty women, although you do not know or probably understand what she has been through her own life but that does not give her the right to treat your or anybody like that.

This might sound drastic to you, but you might need to cut the ties. You might need to say enough is enough. These things are really hurtful and you can not be around it anymore.

Make that decision when your ready to leave. To start living your own life and instead of letting your mother dictate how bad your life is and how everything is so negative towards you. Do something about it.

Get Away From It and start living your life without your mother. No contact. Maybe down the road mending of fences might be in the works but your old enough now where you can start living your own life without your mother by your side making you miserable.

Now, question is. Do you have any other support systems.. Other family members, friends or anybody else that you think will be a positive influence on your life. If you do reach out to them.

Also would suggest counseling because this has done a lot to self esteem but it is your choice in life whether you learn from the way you brought up never to treat others the same way you were treated by your mother and try to make this world a better place by making a positive change for yourself and doing things for yourself and taking steps of changing your life for the better by getting rid of the toxic people in your life.

Hope this helps but you need to make these decisions to change the situation your in, no matter how hard you think it might be.

Your turn?.

This person may be your mother, but living with her is toxic, and it will eventually make you very ill.

She hates herself and is projecting all her bitterness, misery and meanness on to you. There is nothing you can do for her, but you can protect yourself.

What would we say if a woman was being treated like this by a man? We would tell her that she is in an abusive relationship and tell her to leave.

You're in an abusive relationship. Sadly, it's your mother doing the abusing. However, the response is the same.

Get out of there! Try and do it a soon as you can.

God bless u all for caring about others.. many blessing are coming ur way.