Hey guys... I am a teenage guy living in india... anyway , from my younger days I do have went a lot of torture... like at my schooling I was thrown away and tortured due to racism,and sexualy abused at child many things like that... but to keep myself up I always tried to laugh and act as a funnuy guy but my parents don't like it, they always scold me for nothing,they always wanted me to be serious for every thing... and I kind of look wiered... so my school days were hell, like all teachers seems to be gaining pleasure torturing me and I don't know why? they even make fun out of me and do all nasty stuffs to me. Beside all those my family and my relation are not true.. they always fake as loving because my family grew to be rich from rag so they are kind of money minded and always talk about their decision and the stuffs that they liked... at my schooling I first learned about life at age of 9... and after such a hardship I kind of turned philosophical and always write philosophy and reality of life kind of thiongs when I was at 7 th GRADE and I also have a deep love and connection towards god.. but as I grew up the life turned to be so nasty and cruel... family , friends suddenly hated me then ,I realized something that life is not true and my affectuion towars my life has been washed off. Since I am quite creative , I use to draw,do music stuff's good. Even my parents and some of the relatives got shocked seeing my talents... but my parents want me to do goood in academics rather in these stuffs... but I even tried to do what they asked for... after all I do to them till now ,now one seems to be liking me... for many years I was waiting for good relatives and friends... and keep on waiting... now my problem was , after my hardships , effort and sacrifice I haven't got what I needed so I decided to die, and it is not bescause that I have no option,itz like I kind of a desired to... I started to love the death at one point my eagerness got at max and turned to foolishness and made me think of death ,though I am still quite in control ,and I am not sure that I would hold myself long... what you think that I should do.

You need to get professional help. You may think you are in control, but from your post, you are a ticking time bomb.

There are any number of things you've mentioned that need to be addressed with a professional. With so many years of unhappiness and abusive situations, it has to come out somehow.

Loving the idea of death as a solution to life's problems, is not the answer.

While so much of your life has been controlled by others, getting help is something you can do yourself. It is hard work to get through counselling and change your thinking and behaviour from where you are now, but I do not see any other way.

Please talk to somebody. Only you can make the decision to turn your life around, and take control.

All things in there own time.
You have been through a lot so far, maybe too much for such a young mind. I can imagine its overwhelming, but most learning is. The good news is, your fast approaching the time in your life that you will do as you want to for yourself, and can turn those experiences into feelings, and pictures, for others. The creative side of you can come to the front, and tell the world all about what you have kept inside, so they can understand. Don't die before you have lived as that would deprive the world of your skills, and deny yourself your greatest dream, to know the world. There is a lot yet to explore.

Make no mistake, your journey is not wasted, as its just beginning, and when the pupil is ready, the teacher shall appear, to guide you through that journey.

I think you will see a lot of things you never knew existed, just give yourself that chance please, and just be patient with your family, for they don't have the understanding of the world as you do. Maybe someday they will see the things you can see, that they cannot, so never give up that hope.

Is there a teacher, or special adult you can talk to?

You need to find a way to live a happier life. Do what you want instead of being what everyone else wants you to be. Pray, read the Bible, make music. Go to counseling, and talk to a trusted relative or friend about these things. You could even talk to God about them.

Thankx guyz... for reading my post and I think it is best to go to professional... I am so pleased to see your replies... thanks a lot :)

Going to see a professional is a good idea. I'm glad to see that you're willing to take proactive and positive steps to improve yourself. Very good signs.

Feel free to come on this site for emotional support as well. Keep us posted on your progress!

Suicide is for cowards.

There is nothing glamourous about killing yourself.

Life WILL get better for you. If you make the change, and take the steps to healing.

Never take your life for granted. You make the most of what you have been given.

Use your talents. Do what makes you happy.

You will be an adult soon. And maybe have children of your own . Don't deny yourself of having a wonderful life.

Please go get the appropriate help.

Pull yourself out of this hole.

Find people at a local hospital or groups in which you can meet others that have life much worse than yours. For example, who may be your age that is physically disabled, paralyzed, heart problems, or going through major trauma. Find someone that can be an inspiration to you, so that you can say, "My life could be much worse, and if that person can survive, so can I."

It will change your perspective on what you have in life.