My BF always disappear after a fight. I hate to stop talking/seeing him because of a fight. I think the best way is to talk about the issue calmly and find ways together to solve the problems. However, every time after we had a fight, he would disappear completely until I email or message him regardless if it was my fault or his fault.

I always dream that my BF would come to me first and ask for my forgiveness, but it never happens with this BF or with my ex's.

What's up with my BF? How could he tolerate being without me for until I come to him first?

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Originally Posted by rosikat

My BF always disappear after a fight. I hate to stop talking/seeing him because of a fight. I think the best way is to talk about the issue calmly and find ways together to solve the problems. However, every time after we had a fight, he would disappear completely until I email or message him regardless if it was my fault or his fault.

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I think some guys have a problem with arguments. Most guys don't like to admit fault in an argument, especially if the guy has a "type A" personality. If the problem's your fault, he might still walk away because he's afraid you'll spin it in a way that makes it his fault.

Is he confrontational with you during a fight? How long do you spend talking about it before he disappears?

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I always dream that my BF would come to me first and ask for my forgiveness, but it never happens with this BF or with my ex's.

What's up with my BF? How could he tolerate being without me for until I come to him first?

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I think guys are especially prone to not want to resolve their problems by asking for forgiveness. Have you ever seen a sitcom where two male friends fight and it takes some third party to get them back together? It's like that, except there's not a studio audience there to go "awww" when we finally get past our fight.

Your boyfriend, and your other boyfriends past, seem to disappear after a fight. Maybe you don't fight fair, and things get so heated that they need to flee!

Why fight. Why not talk calmly. Sit down and discuss things. Communicate effectively. Differences don't have to be resolved by fighting, and winning or losing doesn't determine who is the better or worse person.

If this has always been a problem for you, try a different approach. Next time things are getting to the 'fight' stage, you walk away, take a bath, go for a walk. When you have calmed down, and the situation is no loger at the fight level, sit down and rationally talk, not argue or fight, but talk about your differences.

You have to learn how to communicate, not fight.

Admitting we are wrong and saying sorry can be so so difficult for some people...

When you are not arguing,talk to him about what happens when you argue... make a plan for the next time..

The fight or flight response in him seems to be strong,he flees... let him know that when you fight and he leaves you worry about him and feel the making it is all up too you...

If he is in the wrong the next time,ask him when he leaves that he calls you when he calms down.

I would normally say,instead of fighting, talk it out,but sometimes a behaviour is harder to break... take small steps..

Most people don't like confrontation. It's easier to ignore problems than it is to tackle them. But whether you feel like talking about it, if you love someone you show concern for them, and resolve the issue- even if you'd rather not. Unfortunately, what you just posted is all too common in relationships these days- even in mine, I would say that I "stone-wall" after and during a fight, where I just don't want to talk about it.

I would suggest coming up with a conflict resolution plan with you and your boyfriend. Here's how you can make it work:
1.come up with a specific time and place to sit down and talk about THIS ISSUE ONLY. (Don't dredge up old issues, or get off topic, sit down and talk about this one fight specifically.)
2.Your boyfriend and you should tell one another how YOU EACH contributed to the conflict, WITHOUT BLAMING the other person.
Blaming someone else will bring up defenses, and a fight is sure to break out.
3.Brainstorm how you can resolve the problem by each of you writing a list of how you'd like to see the problem fixed. Have fun with it, even add a little humor. Then, go through the pros and cons of each solution.

This has worked for me and my fiancé many, many times when a disagreement has arose. Try it every time you get into a fight and both of you are sure to get in the swing of practicing healthy conflict-resolution. Good luck!

I think it's simple, don't fight - communicate instead.

Why do you have to fight? What do you fight about? Why have your previous and current BF's gone AWOL after fights?

There seems to be a pattern here, and I'd suggest you may need to do some self reflection and put into practice your desire for talking about issues calmly and finding ways to solve problems together.

Stop fighting and start talking. If you take the lead, he's sure to follow.