I have three boys with my exhusband, my mother in law every so often says really bad things about me to my children, like I'm a bad mother and I don't take care of them, insults my son if I gave him a hair cut that she doesn't like, etc. I take care of them I keep asking my ex to tell her just to not talk about me to my kids. I talked to her and told her that is not good for my children because she is preparing them to have a hate love relatioship with women in the future, that I'm their mother and nobody should say bad things about parents, my ex and I have agreements and get along very well when it comes to the kids. I don't want her around my children anymore. I do not say anything bad about her to my kids, I have to bit my tongue all the time... what can I do? My exfather in law thinks I'm a great mom and what she is doing is using the kids to get to me... that is wrong...

Take the ex back to court and get the court to order that she can not be around the kids or the court may order that the father can not have visits since he is allow it.
Explain it to your ex that way and he may see things differently. He is allowing it, so it is the same as he saying it hisself

If he's your ex husband, then why is your ex mothers-in-law still in your life?

The first thing you should do is hire a lawyer to straighten out your legal rights.

Tell your ex father in law to control his wife's insults if he can. I personally would not even let her have the opportunity as to insult me again.

Let her know that if you hear one more report from your children that she has said hateful things about you, it's a done deal.

This is very confusing for your children, as well as hurtful. For her to say ugly things about your child's haircut, will effect his self esteem in a negative way.

There is no wonder as why your ex is not in the picture, he should have gotten his mother's tongue under control a long time ago.

Good luck to you.

It really depends on the custody arrangement you have with your ex-hubby. If you have joint custody, it may be more difficult to curtail your ex-mom-in-law. All in all, she needs to understand that she is hurting the children more than she is hurting you. She needs to love her grandkids more than she hates you.