Okay, I've been going out with this guy for 2 years now.. and I don't know if I love him anymore? When we first got together, it was fine, we had a good few months, like any relationship.. Then, a few months into it he told me he was leaving me because he couldn't bear being tied down in a relationship, he wanted to be free and do his own thing, being respectful of his option I let him go, heartbroken and ashamed of myself because of all this. The night he told me that he was leaving me, he went off with another girl (who was a real enemy to me already), which broke my heart even more. After that we talked and he then told me he'd left me for her but realised he'd made a mistake, and of course I took him back (being the fool I am).
He promised me he'd never love anyone else and so forth, then recently this year I'd found out he was cheating on me with several different people for months behind my back. I was devastated and heartbroken but yet again he told me he would never hurt me and I took him back. The last few months since I found out, I feel like I've been drifting away and I feel that I can do a lot better than this. I'm afraid that I don't even love him anymore and I just don't know what to do. A male friend of mine who I'm starting to feel attraction for keeps hinting that I should give my boyfriend 'a taste of his own medicine' but I don't think that's right? I've never cheated on him or did anything like that to ANYONE, and I just feel so used and worthless.. I feel unrewarded. I always resort to 'maybe it's because I'm not good enough for him, that he did it'
Please help me because I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown! :confused:

Hello Irishgirl.
I think you know what the advice is going to be-leave him,he's a cheater, and he's also a waste of your time.
You deserve a lot better, so walk away from this-it's not a relationship, it's a nightmare.
As for your friend and his hints,don't fall for that,what you need is time on your own to recover from your boyfriend's treatment of you so you can be a strong confident person again.
Take care.

Healthy relationships are based on mutual trust and respect. When infidelity enters a relationship, the trust and respect are fractured, if not broken. For some couples, infidelity can break the trust and respect in their relationship for good, and many relationships cannot be salvaged in the aftermath of an affair.

I'm sure that you feel devastated that the man you cared about was unfaithful several times. Whether or not the two of you were having relationship problems prior to his cheating is irrelevant. If he was unhappy, he should have broken up with you, not cheated on you. Cheating should never be excused as a rational approach to dealing with other problems within a relationship. Don’t let your self-esteem take a nosedive over this. Your boyfriend didn’t cheat because you weren’t good enough – he cheated because he made a decision to do the wrong thing.

Ultimately, you’ve just got to follow your heart. You've already given him a second chance and that hasn't worked out at all. If you know deep down that you will never be able to trust him, just make a clean break from the relationship – and move on.

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

Thank You Both for your posts, very insightful and helpful :) Ultimatley, I'm afraid I will back down or get back with him from breaking up with him, because I always feel sorry for him when we fight or break up.. How can I just break up with him and be strong about it? I feel that if I let him go I will never find somebody again? :( I think maybe I'm holding on because I don't want to be on my own? I don't even find him as attractive as I used to, every time he tells me something, I feel maybe he's lying to me or hiding something. I can't go on like this it's taking control of me and I'm becoming more paranoid because of him, I need to break away. How do I do this?

Don't feel sorry for him,think about yourself and what you want from life.it's a much better life being single and finding happiness within yourself then staying in an unhappy relationship because you're afraid of being lonely. Being single for a while means that you can concentrate on you for some time,find out who you are and what your goals in life are. You can see friends,travel -do things that make you feel good. He's already cheated on you several times,can you truthfully see yourself with him in the future-in a mature happy relationship? As for meeting someone else,you will, once you're ready.

Why do you feel sorry for him? Do you think when he is with these other girls he is feeling sorry for you? Sorry for being a cheater? No I don't hardly think so. I am sure he is only sorry for being caught.

Look at what your writing to us. You know what he is doing to you and you know what to do. Just walk away and leave him to his women. If you stay out of your own guilt for leaving he will just do it again.

Look at his track record. He has already done it how many times?

Have respect for yourself and walk away and never look back. What's better staying in a toxic relationship that is bringing you down and putting stress on yourself, or moving on and being alone to be free and date and find the right one out there.

He has this power over you right now where you just keep staying with him no matter how he treats you or what he says. You hold the power to walk away. Only you have the power to make yourself happy. He never will.

Harshness warning and reality check

LEAVE THIS MULTIPLE-OFFENCE-CHEATER

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Originally Posted by IrishGirlConfusedx

A male friend of mine who I'm starting to feel attraction for keeps hinting that I should give my boyfriend 'a taste of his own medicine' but I don't think that's right?

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If you don't think that's right, then don't do it. Just because your boyfriend cheated on you doesn't mean you should cheat too. Have more self-respect, don't sink to your bf's level.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrishGirlConfusedx

How can I just break up with him and be strong about it?

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If you were instantly strong about a break up, then you didn't really care about him in the first place. After a break up, you can one step at the time to rebuild your strength. You can't expect instant results, that would be setting yourself for disappointment.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrishGirlConfusedx

I feel that if I let him go I will never find somebody again?

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I'm guessing that he's probably your first or second serious relationship? The problem with having few serious relationships is that you can't always see the signs of when to call it quits.

Objectively speaking, this relationship is extremely toxic. The trust is gone. He feels like he can cheat all he wants because he knows that you will take him back at the end of the day. So he's not afraid to cheat anymore.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrishGirlConfusedx

I think maybe I'm holding on because I don't want to be on my own?

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You sound extremely needy. The fact that you feel like you constantly need a boyfriend means that you should be single. Learn to be independent. Have a life of your own. How can you be strong if you're constantly dependent on another person?

Why would you put another person ahead of you. YOU are more important to yourself than any other person. Take care of yourself first before worrying about someone else. If you can't even take care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else?

The first step of gaining strength is to face your fears. Are you ready to face your fears?

Overcome your fears by dealing with them as a single person. Just dump the lying cheater and get some relief from his bad uncaring behavior.

He doesn't care for you, or your feelings, so care about yourself, not him.

Try to separate the facts, from the emotion. Set aside the love you have for him, and take a good long look at how your relationship works, as though you were a stranger looking in.

What would you see. Yes, he has cheated, lied about it, and done it often. He is unable to, or unwilling to change. What he says, and what he does are two different things. He is not the person you want him to be, and he has proven that himself over and over again.

Realizing that love is not enough will help put this in focus for you. Love is what you do, not what you say. Because this is so difficult for you to see, maybe you should consider counselling to figure out why you can't let go and move on. Also why yourself esteem and confidence are so low that you need a man like this in your life in the first place.

Nervous breakdown is caused by your own naivitity. Honestly, you know he likes to be with other women. I think your just in this because you think that somebody will be there to take care of you. This is not love either way.

End it, learn and do not get into another relationship for a while. Learn what love is really about and it is not being led blindly down a path of going out, not going out. So much loyatly for somebody that does not show you any at all.

I would hope you get what I am saying.

Joe