My daughter is 2, and her father has never paid me a red cent. He sends her birthday and Christmas gifts weeks and weeks late (he even signs the card "love dad") he left when she was 2 months old and even cleaned out her piggy bank. Can I still file for child support, and if I do will he have and legal rights to seeing her. I am more concerned with the fact that he lives half way across Canada, and will want her to come and visit him out there if he does get any rights. Do I have to send her if he gets any sort of rights?

Hello Aurora:

He has rights to your child whether you file for child support or not. IF he gets visitation rights, he's going to have to do the traveling - not your daughter.

excon

Really? Even if he just ups and leaves without even telling me? Has been gone for 2 years, and doesn't support her in any way? Would I at leat be able to do some sort of legal appealing as to what kind of rights he will have?

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Really? Even if he just ups and leaves without even telling me?? Has been gone for 2 years, and doesnt support her in any way? Would I at leat be able to do some sort of legal appealing as to what kind of rights he will have?

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Hello again, Aurora:

Sure. He's the father... He doesn't have these rights because he's a GOOD father. Simply being the father is enough.

Look. He's going to have to travel to YOUR district to file for his rights, and he's going to have to do it several times. From what you say about him, he's not going to do that. If he does, he's only going to get LIMITED visitation in the beginning because of the way he's acted toward his daughter.. IF he can prove to the court, that he IS interested in being her dad, the court will liberalize the visitation..

Of course, IF he does that, you too should be happy that your daughter has a dad.

Be aware, that the court isn't interested in what the father wants or even YOU, for that matter. The court only cares about what's in the best interest of your daughter.

NONE of that, however, has to do with YOU filing for child support. You should have done that 2 years ago.

excon

Hi Excon
I should have done it, but when I found out what the actual amount was going to be, it was a slap in the face (a whole whopping $63 a month). Well thanks for the answers, it does put my mind at ease. I would love it if my daughter had a dad, Lets hope he treats her better, if it ever comes to that.

Excon is correct, he has always had rights to file for visits and even file for a chnge in custody to give him more and more. It sounds like you don't even have a custody order in place?

And he is not behind in child support, and does not even owe any if you have never been to court to get a court order. So he is not behind since he was never ordered to pay.

Paying child support and rights to visit are not connected

No I don't have a custody order in place, he just up and left, when my daughter was 2 months old. I know that I he is not 'behind' on child suppoet, as there was never an amount ordered. Although he said he would send money each month, that has yet to happen. I understand that custody and child support are not connected. What I was asking, was if he DID pay child support, would that entitle him to more 'rights' and if so what kind of rights e would have in seeing my daughter. From what I understand, he has rights no matter what. Funny how that works. He still gets to be "daddy" and not have to do any work that goes along with it. I also understand that it is extremely hard to get sole custody and control in Canada. And yes I should have been doing this stuff 2 years ago, but better late then never. It's not even that I want or need his money. It just really BURNS me that he sends gold lockets and cards that say love dad on them.

[QUOTE=Aurora_Bell;2108794] It's not even that I want or need his money.QUOTE]



What bothers me mostly about statements like these is that it shows your not thinking of the child in a way that is in the child's best interest. If he is made to pay and the money comes in and you don't need it for upkeep of the child then it's a nice way to start a college fund etc. Or maybe that first car or dance lessons. Both parents should contribute to the child's welfare and if he can't do it on his own then its your obligation to take him to court and get it settled.

Absolutely, all I meant was that I am not so hard up that I am looking for pennies under the counch. Agreed that it would definitely be a great way to save for school, or car etc, but After being left with absolutely nothing besides the clothes on my back, I clawed my way back on top. And bought myself a house, got my own car, got a 9-5 job, and am making it on my own, by my own. Now I am not crying the blues here, I know that I am not the only woman to go through this, and I know I won't be the last. When my daughter was first bron, his sister and I had words, and she said something along the lines of taking my daughter back to Winnipeg and raising her themselves. I just didn't want to open any doors with being FORCED to allow them to take her back to Wpg for even a visit.
Btw, I did recently send him an email and ask for $200 to start my Daughter in gymnastics, that was almost 2 months ago, still haven't heard back. And I happen to know that he is a manager of a very upper class restaurant.
And your right again. It is time to to take this matter to court and get it settled.

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

From what I understand, he has rights no matter what. Funny how that works. he still gets to be "daddy" and not have to do any work that goes along with it.

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Look at it this way. Lets say YOU were the one who left. You had postpartum depression or something and you just felt overwhelmed and had to leave. Now two years later, you've gotten over the issues that caused you to leave, gotten your life back together. Wouldn't you want to have the right to be part of your daughter's life?

It's not "funny" how this works, it's the way the laws were written to protect the best interests of the child. A child will, generally, develop better if it has both a father and a mother. So its in the best interests of the child to foster a relationship with both parents. But here's the rub. The courts do look at past performance in determining what the best interests will be. They will look at the fact that the father walked out and has made little attempt to support that child and be a part of her life.

So, you file for sole custody and support. Lets say, he counters with a request for visitation. The courts are likely to require supervised visitation at first and, at her age, that he come visit. If he does not adhere to the visitation ordered by the court, then you can go back and ask that it be modified or denied because he is not following the court orders.

Well all this info definitely helps, and I appreciate all the time everyone spent on replying. I still feel that it is unfair, but that is just my opinion, because every one's situation is different and a woman having PPD and a man just getting up and walking out because he doesn't get his own way is totally different. (There is a long history of what happened, but I just wanted to know the basics)But that is for the courts to decide. I have no problem with her having a dad, in fact I have given him every oppurtunity to be a good dad. I was terrified at the thought of having to send her 1/2 was across Canada.And I really didn't think that I could comply with something like that. Thanks again for all the answers. And we aren't fighting for custody, I just wanted to know what kind of rights he would have if he was court ordered to pay child support.

As noted, he will have no more or less rights then he has now if ordered to pay support. The key, though is he has to enforce his rights through a court.

I cannot see a court ordering a 2 yr old to fly cross country on their own. Either he will be required to visit her in your area (at least until she gets to be around 8-10) or he will be required to come get her or you will be required to deliver her. In the latter case, he will be required to pay your expenses. But there is a possibility that he will be allowed visits of a week or more. I think that's a long shot though. Given he's leaving, I don't think any court will put her in his hands, unsupervised until she is several years older.

[QUOTE=ScottGem;2110624]As noted, he will have no more or less rights then he has now if ordered to pay support. The key, though is he has to enforce his rights through a court.

What a relief! Thank you.