How do I fall back in love with my husband?
My Husband and I have been married for 8 yrs. During our dating relationship & engagement we couldn’t have been happier. He works a lot with odd hours so we didn’t see much of each other but when we did we always loved being around one another. Then we got married and moved in together and I got to know the side he had been hiding. Turns out he had an internet porn addiction. It was so bad that he would rarely leave the house unless it was to go to work. For the most part I would be alone for family functions or dinner with friends, etc. I felt that I was still single. In his defense the porn didn’t bother me, at first. It wasn’t until I realized he was spending HOURS on the computer while I was at work viewing it, that I became concerned. When I would try to talk with him about it he would get VERY defensive. Eventually it started to affect our sex life. We went from having sex 4 times a week to once every couple of months! Then I come to find out he had been hiding a lot more from me…Things started to surface…I found out he had cheated on me while we were engaged, he takes lunches with other girls from work (I found pictures & notes which he had, like an idiot, accidentally left on the back seat of his car) and all the girls were blonde with huge breasts. One of the pictures I found, for example, was of him and a girl, they had their arms around each other and she was wearing an extremely low cut top. The picture was taken 4 years AFTER we were married (according to the date on the picture). I’ve confronted him with all of this. He admits everything but also gets defensive. He said the guys at work take these pics and that all the girls are the office sluts that have done it with everyone. Oh except him of course. In a terrible heated argument he even threatened to “break my neck” if I didn’t just stop hassling him about what he does and to get over it. His defense is that I’m insecure. OK I’ve always prided myself on being very secure with myself but come on, who would be o.k. with all this. Am I crazy? I told him I would change and be what he fantasizes about…Yep I got breast augmentation (DD), went blonde, and started dressing differently. I’m 5’8” and weigh 105lbs. So they look big. OMG my husband was so happy! It didn’t even bother him that I was getting tons of attention at work or even just going to the store! He started to compliment me on everything not just my new breasts…my long hair, green eyes, my thin legs he was noticing every part of my body again and sex was better than ever. He still looked at porn but since it was only once in awhile it didn’t bother me. We started having sex all the time, I got pregnant and we had a baby. Then after about a year everything changed again. He started looking at porn all the time again but this time of women with K size breasts. Yeah HUGE right? He said he wished I was that big. NO WAY! I’ve already changed a lot of my appearance for him but no way in hell would I go that extreme. He just became increasingly obsessed with bigger and bigger breasts. The porn addition started up again and back to square one! I finally just told him that I wanted a divorce that I couldn’t take all the lies, porn addiction, his flirting with other women, his anger problem and threats etc. I had to admit that after all of this that I somehow fell out of love with him and that I’m just disgusted by everything he does and has done. He couldn’t take me leaving him so he begged me to go to marriage counseling with him which we did. Everything came out. Now it’s been a year since the counseling and it’s like he’s a changed man. My problem is that my heart is still where it was when I told him I fell out of love with him. Everyday I pray that I love him again. Please can anyone out there give me advice on what to do to fall back in love with him, to care about him again?? We have a young daughter at home so divorce is not an option. I just want to be happy and in love again.
