Hi everyone, I do hope I can get some feedback on this issue I am having. Firstly I broke up with my girlfreind in Aug 09 after 10years she wanted it to end long story I did cannabis for 5years of it which I take no more! And I ignored her and most things so I suppose she fell out of love with us. She still loves me but not in love with me! And we have been in touch on and off going to the cinema out for coffee and on an occasion I have stayed the night can I add no sex. At first after the break up I went for the no contact rule but did not stick to it hence textin her and hanging around her, but now I am becoming needy again. Here is the main point to the letter she is taking a job away from home on a 6months to start with period and has said I should stay in the cottage which we had together at the moment she stays there alone till she goes down south working. She says she wants to be friends but let fate take its course. It will save me money staying there its like a life line for me, I will be going there for the wrong reasons right? Not great at punctuation hope you get the jist...

Please Help

Kev

First of all,well done for kicking the cannabis addiction.
As for the cottage, were you renting,and if so whose name/names is/are on the lease?
Other than that I think you should see this relationship as a thing of the past and act accordingly-get your life back on track and make a good life for yourself.

Well, if it saves you and she won't be around anyway then go for it. Like she said let fait run its course and see what happens.

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Originally Posted by amicon

First of all,well done for kicking the cannabis addiction.
As for the cottage, were you renting,and if so whose name/names is/are on the lease?
Other than that I think you should see this relationship as a thing of the past and act accordingly-get your life back on track and make a good life for yourself.

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Thanks for your reply! I wish I beat the cannabis long ago, But it took her to leave me to do it the next day, the cottage is rented don't think we have a lease friend of a friend sort of thing getting my memory back slowly. Can't understand why she would want me there apart from she said I'm the only one she trusts with her belongings. As she wants to keep the cottage going.

Thanks

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Originally Posted by adam_89

Well, if it saves you and she won't be around anyway then go for it. Like she said let fait run its course and see what happens.

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Thanks for your reply bit different from the other reply, This is what I want to hear save money but all her stuff around and say 6months down the line she still doesn't want us? I am back at at square 1.. Im just living in hope when I should be doing my own thing..

So Mixed up..

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Originally Posted by theweeman

Thanks for your reply bit different from the other reply, This is what i want to hear save money but all her stuff around and say 6months down the line she still doesn't want us?? I am back at at square 1.. Im just living in hope when i should be doing my own thing..

So Mixed up..

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If you believe you should be doing your own thing then try not to live in the past and move on and make with what you have not what you had. You can either fight hard to keep her and make her realize you love her but if you feel it is over then move on and don't move into that cottage and don't look back.

Your right to think of doing your own thing, and should be clear with her on that.

Saving money is cool, but if false hope, and high expectations of getting back together are your real motives, then your saving nothing in the long run.

Talaniman is right, if staying there is going to encourage false hope you shouldn't, even if you'd be saving money.
Whatever will happen in the future,no one knows,but to avoid hanging around in limbo for months waiting for something that may never happen,it's in your own best interests to get your life back on track and find somewhere else to live.

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Originally Posted by adam_89

If you believe you should be doing your own thing then try not to live in the past and move on and make with what you have not what you had. You can either fight hard to keep her and make her realize you love her but if you feel it is over then move on and don't move into that cottage and don't look back.

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I don't believe I should be doing my own thing I just think that, She knows how I feel about her. Moving in to the cottage will save me £130pm I hate to always going back to the thing of money. I think I would rather suffer financially time being than be in this position 6months from now.

Traditionally, when relationships end, we tend to cut everything off. It’s silly to think that after sharing months and years with someone, that if one component of the relationship changes, all else must be cut off. I can’t see why you can't continue being her friend. Friendship does not have to be lost.

If you look at it from the "still firends" viewpoint, then there isn't anything wrong with your staying in the cottage while she's gone. Especially if it will be helping both of you out.

Don't frag yourself through hell bud. It really isn't worth it.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Traditionally, when relationships end, we tend to cut everything off. It’s silly to think that after sharing months and years with someone, that if one component of the relationship changes, all else must be cut off. I can’t see why you can't continue being her friend. Friendship does not have to be lost.

If you look at it from the "still firends" viewpoint, then there isn't anything wrong with your staying in the cottage while she's gone. Especially if it will be helping both of you out.

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Thanks for your reply.

Being friends would be great but when I see her I want more than that, I tend to want to do the things I never done back then when playing on the games console for hours..

You and the ex are on different pages , she's moving on and she's also moving away for six months,you're still hoping for more than friendship, which is why staying in contact only sets you back from your own healing from the breakup.

Thank you everyone for your input deep down I think I should stay away from her the cottage and her belongings! Let her do her bit down south and take it from there.. As she says she doesn't want us right now but has not closed the door.. That's why I'm on here looking for answers. I could go on all night..

Thanks Again Everyone

Nae bother, you re welcome, keep posting. And take care.