From the day I had my son, I feel that my mother-in-law is trying to mother my son. She hated that I breastfed! When I came home from the hospital I would pump a little extra milk so that either she or my boyfriend could feed it to him (they helped after because I had a c-section). But what she would do is just pour it out and give him formula. So I eventually got tired of her and moved in with my mom. She would go and visit the baby occasionally and I was okay with that. But them I noticed every time she went she would be feeding my son even if he just ate. Any little cry that she heard from him she would give him a bottle. So I confronted her and she said that she will let us raise him the way we wanted to. About a few week later she had the nerve to call me and ask me if my son was really my boyfriends. (my son was born with grey eyes and his father was born with hazel eyes, green/grey/blue eyes run in my family). And not only that she said she had pulled out her sons baby pictures and compared them to my son and my son looks nothing like his dad! So right then and there I tell her that I don't want her around my son and I don't want her to be calling me. My mom tells me that she has a right to see the baby, but I don't want her to.
My question is am I over reacting to what she said? Should I still let her see her grandchild?

What has your husband said about this?

If she is this aggressive and invasive with you, I can only imagine what your boyfriend goes through.

You are now with your mother, is he there as well, or is he at his mothers house.

Much will depend upon who is where. If your boyfriend brings the baby to his mothers house, both of you will have to set some boundaries and very clear expectations as to what she is to do, and what she cannot do. Write them out, just like you would with a babysitter.

Have a talk with your boyfriend, and without being accusatory, point out how his mother is upsetting you, and upsetting the baby's feeding schedule. He must be firm with her, or both of you will be run over with her 'helping'.

Bottom line, it is your baby. You must do what is in the best interest of this child. Hopfully your boyfriend is supportive and has the same goal.

He constantly talks to her and all she says in that she wants a paternity test done asap. We don't mind getting it done, but we think it's a waste of time and money. And he really gets after her about formula, our son was born premature so formula for the first 6 weeks weren't an option for us.

He stays with me.

My mother-in-law doesn't see the baby at all.

First off, she has no right to throw away your breast milk, and give the baby whatever SHE wants to. I also agree with J_9 in wondering where the father is when his mother tries to take control of YOUR child.

She questions whether her son is the father based on child pictures?

This is ridiculous, and should not be tolerated. Your boyfriend should handle his mother, as it's best that you don't into a conflict with her.

I think that you should let her SEE her grandchild, but not KEEP her.

This is not her child. She needs to understand that fact.

If she wants to be a part of your child's life, she needs to accept your wishes, and show respect to you.

Tell your boyfriend to take control of this problem that you didn't ask for, or do anything to deserve.

Good luck to you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AidenRaysMommy

our son was born premature so formula for the first 6 weeks weren't an option for us.

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Actually, formula can be a good thing for a premature baby.

Whatever decisions you make with your child, and your boyfriend, are between you two, and only you two. It is not up to your boyfriends mother to interfere in any way, shape or form.

I would personally be very insulted and hurt with her demanding a paternity test, and I would refuse, but that is up to you.

When and if you allow visits, make sure they are supervised at all times. Be cordial and polite, but do not be afraid to end the visit if she does the bottle thing again, or starts on about a paternity test.

You're in a tough spot with a new baby, and conflict/stress with your boyfriends mom. Keep your cool, you are in charge, and don't be intimidated.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Whatever decisions you make with your child, and your boyfriend, are between you two, and only you two. It is not up to your boyfriends mother to interfere in any way, shape or form.

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I totally agree. I had a meddling mother-in-law at one time... kicked her right out of my house.

This is your child. Children don't come with a set of instructions. It is up to you, and no one else, to raise the child as you see fit.

While I made the point that formula can be good for premature infants, it's not always the case. Breast milk by far outweighs formula, if you produce enough healthy breast milk, not everyone is lucky enough to produce good breast milk for a premature baby.

This is your child. You tell her that she raised her children... it is your turn now to raise your own.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AidenRaysMommy

He constantly talks to her and all she says in that she wants a paternity test done asap. We don't mind getting it done, but we think its a waste of time and money. And he really gets after her about formula, our son was born premature so formula for the first 6 weeks weren't an option for us.

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Your mother in law can WANT all she needs to. It is NOT HER PLACE to demand a paternity test on YOUR child.

I WANT a new truck, ASAP.

Will I get one?

No.

Everyone here has given you great advice.

I just have one thing to add.

If she wants a paternity test done then let her pay for it. If you both know that the child is your boyfriends then it shouldn't matter to you, but it could get her off your back. But, this is her wish, so she can pay.

She needs to stop interfering, but she does have a right to see her grandchild. Set up rules, make sure she's aware of them. Let her know that if she chooses not to follow the rules then her visits will stop.

My mother and law and I came to blows too. When my son was born I requested that she not smoke in front of him. It really wasn't too much to ask. We don't allow people to smoke in our house, so when she came to visit she'd go outside, but at her house she figured it was okay. We sat down with her, told her that we didn't want her smoking in front of the baby. She refused to listen.

So we came up with a plan. Whenever we visited her we'd leave as soon as she lit up. It got to the point were visits were only 10 minutes before we left. She got upset. We both told her that we would not tolerate smoking in front of our baby, if she refused to stop then we had no choice but to leave. It took a while but she finally agreed.

I also remember her putting honey in my sons pablum. I tried explaining to her that children under 1 aren't supposed to have honey, she did one of the ever famous "we gave a babies honey all the time back in my day". Well, you also smoked and drank throughout your entire pregnancy, research has shown that that's not good either.

Just stand united. You're the mom, he's the dad, the baby is yours, not hers.

Good luck.