Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend loves me & her ex.

All right this is a long story so.. prepare... my girlfriend of 3 months now after winning her over from some dude she was dating for 3 years... me and her dated before for a month or 2 before she broke up with him for me then cheated on me ( kissing and grinding) on him at prom... We broke up I didn't talk to her for about.. 6 months and we started talking again... she just had a baby which is his by the way, and the kid is a month old... we started talking again and talking more each day... we got our feelings back for each other and she broke it off with him to be with me.. now 3 months everything is fine obviously a few fights, but other than that we talk all the time when we wake up till we go to bed msn or on the phone.. And our relationship is good... anyway we had a few pickups lately about her ex... she still loves him... more than me obviously, and I don't know what to do.. I think we jumped into to fast because we wanted to be with each other. She's confused.. and wants time to herself... she says she loves me so much and she wants this to work out and she's going to try her hardest to not go back with him... what do I do? I'm so love struck and crazy about this girl I would do anything for her to see her happy. Advice please this is driving me crazy

BTW sorry for typos I'm on an itouch.. typing blows..

Kay, here's what you need to do. Leave her alone, find yourself (be at peace with yourself), and if she comes to you , make sure she has chosen you for sure! If she has, great, if not, oh well, you have to move on. As the famous saying goes, Don't make someone a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

Good luck.

Its an option in theirs by the way! Lol..

Thank you I appreciate the answer... you have a very valid and good pOint.. ive just been tearing myself on what to do.. I just love her a lot and don't know what I would do without her... I got myself in a very sticky spot... not to mention.. she tells me she wants my kid... and I agreed because I feel the same..

What's ages are you both?

Both 18... ive had my fair share of teenage life and now work 2 jobs have an apparyment and a car. Im able to afford it. Ive matured a lot better than most of the men. I just want to settle down...

I know how you feel, I've been there more than once! And I have tried playing that game of trying to win, but really, unless they can choose, their focus will always be elsewhere.. If you try and do something now, and she choses you, she'll always wonder what might have been, and cheat.. But if she comes to you after thinking for a while without anyone, that's when you'll know for sure she's ready. Hope it helps.

Okay, well if her and her ex are still talking and she can't make up her mind on who she wants to be with sometimes chances are she may want to be with the father of her child.. She may feel more secure this way knowing that the father of her child will always be around, but who knows she may chose you, and then dump the father out of the child's life.. and chose you to take on that responsibilitie. It is very hard especially when you love her so much. But you need to be careful, I'm in a situation where I'm with a man who has a child, and the mother is constantly trying to separate us because she "still loves him" although she is with someone else. You just need to make sure that it's you she wants and that she won't be going back and forth to you and then her ex. From what my bf's ex told me, when her and her boyfriend at the time separated "on a break" she apparently went with my boyfriend ( when we weren't together ) and did a little more then spend time with their son. So just be careful, don't set yourself up for heartbreak.

Yeahh it's a hard road to go down... but I. A strong person and I'm willing to wait it out and see what she comes up with... forgot to mention... she might be pregnant with my kid... after have un protected sex 10 times in 1 day... soo yeahh lol

lol... Well at least your nice enough to wait it out and see who she choses. But be careful, some woman are wicked... like with what I was saying before my bf's ex was with him for 3years had a kid with him and off she went... took him for child support, non-stop court dates, they have been 8x and the child isn't even 3years old but I guess not all woman are the same. Lets just hope she's different. :)

This is really, really messed up. Is there anyone in this triangle that has the maturity to see what's at stake here?

She just had a baby one month ago, and the two of you, have unprotected sex and she could be pregnant again. What the h**l are you thinking!

Babies are not accessories. To bring a baby into this world in an unstable relationship, where you are sometimes first, sometimes second to another man, who is the father of her ONE month old child, is very immature, and very unfair to this baby, and now another one could possibly be on the way?

She needs to work on the relationship with the child's father, and for the sake of the child, provide a stable, loving home. If for some reason the relationship does not work out with the father of her child, and she has worked through the breakup and consequent legal issues with custody, child support etc. and only when she is on her own two feet, should you ever consider a relationship with her.

And, only a relationship. Not bringing another child into the mix without at least that much first.

Two fathers, one mother, and two babies is a mess for all concerned, especially the children.

Please reconsider any contact with this woman until she takes care of her own business first, as a mother with obligations to do what is in the best interests of the child.

Try to think the old fashioned way. Single woman, relationship, marriage, savings in the bank, then a baby.

Please don't continue to have unprotected sex, you're just asking for trouble.

Your 19,your not really with a girl who is hung up on her ex,in fact she loves him.

They have a baby together.

And you think its funny that she may be pregnant again with your child...

Actually I think the only good thing about this situation is you have 2 jobs,because if she is pregnant and gos back to her ex,which is very likely you will be paying through the nose in maintenance for the next 18 years...

My advice.. walk away and keep it in your pants until your mature enough to know the responsibility that comes with a baby.

I'm sure you will counter act my post with you know what it takes because of her own baby.. but I ask you this.. do you pay for that baby? Do you take care of his daily needs?

If you were as mature as you think you are you wouldn't be trying to come between a child and his father and would know that this father will be a part of the mother and babies life for many years to come.

If you were as mature as you think you are you wouldn't be jealous of a guy who got a girl pregnant and formed a bond through the child they made together.

If you were as mature as you think you are then you wouldn't have jumped into this situation so fast and get carried away by some intense feelings of attraction knowing the circumstances that will certainly get more complicated, FOR SURE!

Not to be harsh, but leaving her alone until she gets straightened out with her baby daddy thru the courts or whatever, is the way to go.

If you were as mature as you think you are, then you would know the last thing you need is a baby by a young confused, immature girl who doesn't know the first thing about being a mature responsible woman.

If you were as mature as you think you are, you wouldn't be laughing about making a baby, which any two morons can do, but think of all the time, and work it will take to raise them.

Three months is hardly time enough to choose a good life partner, or establish a home for another mans child.

If you were as mature as you think you are, You would back away and let her handle her unfinished business with her ex, before you count on her to be with you, no matter what kind of BS she feeds you. That is, if you were mature as you think you are.

I don't think either of you knows what love is yet. And its not what gets you hard and her wet, that's just lust.

She just had a kid last month... exactly how in the hell does she have time to be playing relationship with you. If you was a smart guy you wouldn't be jumping into this mess, and if she was any kind of woman she wouldn't be having any part of it. Particularly at this time given the circunstances.

Sounds exactly like the sort of thing you would expect from the stereotype Trailer park crowd.

My question here is, first of all, how old are you, and second is are you willing to become a father figure to her child if you two end up together.

Another thing is that you KNOW she's a cheater. You're setting yourself up to get yourself hurt.

She's keeping you on the hook because she doesn't have the stability that she want's from her baby's father. She's keeping her options open so that either way she wins. Or at least she thinks she will. I think she's being very selfish and she needs to concentrate on her son, not her relationships.

Edit: I also read that she might be pregnant because of both of your ignorant behavior, and making another child is in NO WAY funny under those circumstances.
I also read that you are 19, MY AGE. But I can tell that I'm up in maturity level by about 4 years at least kiddo.

Everyone else is right, you're asking for trouble. And I feel sorry for the child(ren) that has/might have to put up with all of this crap because the 3 of you can't figure your stuff out. You see, there's this thing in life called priorities. All of you need to get them straight before you're in the deeper hole. The way I see it, If she's not pregnant, your only job is to leave her alone so she can deal with the things she needs to. Her child should be her responsibility, not you.

You get the girl to cheat on her boyfriend and then you take her away from him. She cheats on you with him. Then a child gets mixed up in this mess (Was there a DNA test proving he is the father?) and another might be because your immaturity.

She needs to be on her own to decide what she wants and to get her and her child's life in order and deal with the possibility of another child.

You need to take a step back and hope that there isn't another child. Meanwhile, you need to figure out that it is never good idea to just take what you want. She was in a relationship and you couldn't control yourself to leave her alone. Instead, your own greediness has gotten you into a mess. Yes, she had a choice in the matter, however, you showed it to her.

IF she is not pregnant by you, then I suggest you count your lucky stars and let her go her separate way while you go yours. Her other boyfriend will always be a part of her life because of the child and I don't see her giving him up. You (if there is no child) are not tied to this relationship. You can move on, heal, and someday find an unattached female who wants to spend her life with you.

Well thank-you for all the advice everyone...
Number 1 thing... dad was not around when we got together...
He said he did not know if he wanted to do it etc etc... he was being a douche bag and not owning up to his responsibility. We started talking and things took from there... it was a really bad choice YES.
But as I told her... not as a boyfriend as a friend... I told her I would be there for her through this... she had no one else that was helping her... with any of it... I wanted to. My Choice, maybe not a bright one seeing how I'm 19 and have so much going for me. I love this girl. I want to see her happy. Right now were back together, the father ed off said he wanted nothing to do with it or her for that matter... and I have now steped up to the plate. She swore up and down that its done between them and he's gone... and gone for good. She's getting full custody of the child.

O AND we went to the doctors and were waiting for pregoo results.

I'm 19... im still young and maybe I can't feel love maybe I don't know what it is... but what I have with this girl is REAL. I love her and her son a lot, and id do most anything to see her through this and be here for her and make her and her son happy.

Regardless... thing are starting to turn around.
We both happy

Do what you want kid, it's your life.. .

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vinificus

All right this is a long story so.. prepare... my girlfriend of 3 months now after winning her over from some dude she was dating for 3 years...me and her dated before for a month or 2 before she broke up with him for me then cheated on me ( kissing and grinding) on him at prom... We broke up I didn't talk to her for about.. 6 months and we started talking again... she just had a baby which is his by the way, and the kid is a month old... we started talking again and talking more each day... we got our feelings back for each other and she broke it off with him to be with me.. now 3 months everything is fine obviously a few fights, but other than that we talk all the time when we wake up till we go to bed msn or on the phone.. And our relationship is good... anyway we had a few pickups lately about her ex... she still loves him...more than me obviously, and I don't know what to do.. I think we jumped into to fast because we wanted to be with each other. Shes confused..and wants time to herself... she says she loves me so much and she wants this to work out and she's going to try her hardest to not go back with him... what do I do? I'm so love struck and crazy about this girl I would do anything for her to see her happy. Advice please this is driving me crazy

She was involved with him when you got together originally.
She cheated on him with you.
You got her.
She cheated on you with him.
You broke up.
She went back to him.
She got pregnant by him and had his child.
She broke it off with him again to be with you.
You got back together with her.
And now you may be compounding the issues with a child of your own.
While at the same time, according to your orignal post, SHE is the one who is confused and trying to make up her mind. You mention nothing about him being irresponsible about the child. Very interesting 'fact' to leave out. In fact, you state:

Quote:

she broke it off with him to be with me

Read the two posts, I quoted and tell me how in a matter of days she got her head on straight and loves only you and has absolutely no feelings for him. Rewriting history won't make it any easier to deal with.

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vinificus

Well thank-you for all the advice everyone...
Number 1 thing... dad was not around when we got together...
he said he did not know if he wanted to do it etc etc...he was being a douche bag and not owning up to his responsibility. We started talking and things took from there... it was a really bad choice YES.
But as I told her... not as a boyfriend as a friend... I told her I would be there for her through this... she had no one else that was helping her... with any of it... I wanted to. My Choice, maybe not a bright one seeing how I'm 19 and have so much going for me. I love this girl. I want to see her happy. Right now were back together, the father ed off said he wanted nothing to do with it or her for that matter... and I have now steped up to the plate. She swore up and down that its done between them and he's gone... and gone for good. She's getting full custody of the child.

O AND we went to the doctors and were waiting for pregoo results.

I'm 19... im still young and maybe I can't feel love maybe I don't know what it is... but what I have with this girl is REAL. I love her and her son a lot, and id do most anything to see her through this and be here for her and make her and her son happy.