Funny that I am not embarrassed by this question...

I have been having a problem having sex with my girlfriend. I'm pretty well versed in sex, but have not had for some time. My partner has not had for about a year now.
I'm having some problems penetrating her. She is well aroused, very wet, but I'm starting to wonder if she just has a very small vagina.

I am about "average" I think for a male, and I spend a lot of time with the foreplay, I always make sure that I give her at least one orgasm orally before I start with her. Now my issue; never had this before, when I enter her, I start to lose my erection.

God knows, I want to make love to her and , but is it possible that "love" can interfere with sex? We both get very overwhelmed with our emotions, I love her dearly, and I want to marry her. I feel I am failing as a man. She's very cool about the situation, because she loves me.
Ironically, the one time it DID work recently, she initiated when she woke up. Not sure if it's a confidence thing or not, but I know that it is possible to "try too hard". I also want to state that I find here EXTREMELY sexually attractive.

Please help! I know it won't wreck our relationship, but I just want to please her in EVERY way.

I think you're worrying about it too much.

Yeah, I know. Hard to stop thinking about the pink elephant in the room once you see it!

I really think you're over thinking it, though. Just try to relax and enjoy what DOES happen.

PS... if you're bringing her to orgasm through other means BEFORE you attempt penetration, that might take some of the stress off you.

Thanks for the answer.

I'm not sure what you mean by "pink elephant" though... lol

As a couple, we're pretty comfortable with one another and we communicate really well, it's awesome. We are apart at the moment because of work reasons, but will be together again soon.
Again, and I know this is quite personal; I'm always getting her to orgasm with oral. After discussion online, she knows that her muscles are tight from swimming, and she intends to work on that before we get back together.

On a side note; bit of a shame really, after discussion, she did not know that she had a G-spot. I told her where and how to find it, and she said she will work on it before we get back together. I'm really happy that me and her can communicate so directly, no embarrassment at all.

From my standpoint it is not even about . Hell, it's nice just being inside her, and very emotional. If only I could stay hard.

#1 how old are you (it matters) and #2 when was the last time you had a complete physical and blood work?

Personally I seriously doubt that swimming had anything to do with this (in fact its impossible). Totally different mussels involved. And unless she's a total keigel fanatic and had been for years AND has unusual mussel control, I seriously doubt she is clamping down that hard.

In my entire life and I've done a lot of sleeping around before I married, have I met only ONE woman that actually had that level of strength AND control to be able to do that. Yeah you can feel them doing it to varying degres... but that's a HUGE leap between that and clamping down hard enough to prevent you from getting in. That ONE woman had the vaginal strength of a thumb and forefinger squeeezing. VERY unusual for a woman to have that strength or control. No I didn't marry that one... while that was an amazing skill, she lacked any sort of a real pleasant personality the better you got to know her.

Make sure you aren't having any yet undiagnosed medical issues causing your ED problem. You have to be proactive in this. That can be an early indicator of medical problems and should be discussed with your doctor.

I agree with smoothy, this is nothing to do with her muscle (not mussel!) control. Or, the size of her vagina.

If you can't stay hard or penetrate her, then the issue is to do with you.

Once you've ruled out any physical problems (and you must) then you have to look to your mind. You know what they say - 80% of sex is in the mind.

What's going on in there? What are you REALLY feeling about intimacy and sex? Is this relationship REALLY what you want?

The fact that you can't maintain an erection is telling you something very important - it's either an indication of a physical problem or its telling you that you have an issue with sex and relationships.

Thanks again for the replies...

And I'm happy to answer the questions. I'm 42 years old. I had my last medical in February of this year. From a cardio vascular view, I am 34 years old though. I have never had any underlying sexual problems of any sorts.

I am not a doctor by any stretch, but I will go out on a limb here and say that my problem is psychological. Me and her share a common bonding; corny I know, but we are definitely soul mates. From an emotional point of view, recently, we have both been overwhelmed by our feelings for one another.

I shall reiterate that I find her sexually attractive - I have no issues with erections when I think of her, or talk to her on the phone etc. We both spoke on the phone again last night, and I believe it is the "cycle" thing I mentioned - we are both trying too hard to satisfy the other as best we can, and just not allowing our bodies to "do the natural thing" so to speak.

We've discussed this, and will both be different when we see each other again. Just a very unusual thing for me, that's all.

Once again, thanks for all replies.

Ok, your mind may be thinking subconciously that "I'm not ready for a kid yet" and there goes the switch to off.

Have all those discussions out of the way. What happens if she should get pregnant?

KeepItSimpleStupid;

I know it's not that as well. In her society (Thai), she is considered to be too old to have a child, I'm British, and a kid would not be an issue for me.
If fact, after further discussion, we agreed that we would try for a baby in about a year. In my opinion, she would make a terrific mother, very loving and caring.

Also, at the moment, she is taking the contraceptive pill, so we know that we're safe.

Thanks for the angel though.

How old is she?

The time that she woke up and initiated sex, did you help her climax before vaginal penetration?

Did she wake you up or were you already awake? Did you have time to go to the bathroom after waking up but before sex?

She's 37 years old.

No, I did not help her, she was already aroused.

Yes, she woke me, and no, I did not go to the bathroom before, but I did afterwards.

There are issues beyond just the cardiovascular aspect... there is hormones and other blood chemistry as well. And yeah, there is always the pshycological aspect. High Blood pressure and/or diabetes related issues can sneek up on you without other obvious symptoms if you aren't tested for them, and at 42 you should be annually.

It would be a good idea if you can speak with a physician trained in this specialty.

I think we've reached a solution thanks.

After a lot of discussion, it seems nerves on her part, nerves on my part (new relationship and all) is the cause of this issue for me. Got my GP to carry out my full yearly flight crew medical, no issues at all. After further discussion with my better half, she is doing things such as more frequent masturbation, to "get to know her body a little better".
It's a shame that for some women about the taboo of masturbation, when it's such a natural thing. As I stated before, she did not even know she has a G-spot, and she's a grown woman of 37.

Looking forward to a month of discovery in January.

Thanks all.

Reposted from a PM with permission from the OP

Thanks for all the advice. Me and my girlfriend have been working on it. You state that you are an expert on sex, so I thought I would just ask you a couple of direct questions. They are personal, so I don't want to air them on the forums.

1. Have spoken to G/F. She has never masturbated very much, because she has never enjoyed sex until now. Do you think if she masturbates more frequently it will help?

2. She has only had four sexual partners in her life before me.

3. She wants to find her G-spot. Shall I give her some tips, or wait until we are together again?

4. (Lastly) I did not think before, but her labia is very small. I have noticed that this is something with Thai women. Could this affect penetration do you think? It's like trying to penetrate a virgin every time.

Great information, AJ.

1. Masturbation sure can't hurt! Knowing your own body, and what feels good is the best way to try to teach a lover to please you. I know it's taboo for many women--it took me a long time to relax enough to enjoy my OWN body. Maybe buy her a finger vibrator for clitoral stimulation?

2. Number of sex partners shouldn't matter, as long as you're both comfortable with that number. I say "both" here simply because some people get hung up on the number of partners their current partner has had before them. Doesn't sound like this is an issue for you.

3. I personally think you should let her explore on her own for now, but the next time you're together, maybe you could explore together.

4. No idea.

I really think you're overthinking some of it. Have fun exploring each others' bodies, and enjoy learning together. The less stress you put on actual intercourse, the more likely you'll be able to just go with the groove and enjoy that as well.

I have the same issue as you, almost to a T. In my experience, it's totally psychological, and has to do with my level of comfort with the person. I think Synnen is right and it's just a matter of overthinking it. It's happened more than once to me (with different people), but it always seems to work itself out eventually and then we have great sex. I'm actually going through it again right now, and this case is similar to yours in that she's kind of small and penetrating her is a bit of work each time, which sometimes is enough to scare me off. I'm presuming it's just a matter of time again, and that's probably the case with you, but if you find out something else, please do post it.

Labia size has nothing to do with this at all... I've dated and slept with women that had labia so small the almost weren't there... others that were nearly an inch and a half long (oh those were lots of fun to play with :D I like them like that) and everything in between. And it had ZERO bearing on vaginal tightness or depth. Tightness is a function of muscle tone. Depth varies among women and its like penis length... you got what you were born to have.