I told my lover about a threesome I had, a year into our very intense and caring two year relationship, we've ourselves, never consummated our relationship but have become online lovers. He now loathes me and said at that moment that looking at me, makes him sick to his stomach.. that the fantastic picture he had painted of me, was wrong and that he regarded me with contempt. Feeling so scared that he would leave me, I then lied to him about the number of people I had been intimate with, he called me out immediately and I tried to tell him that I did not want him to think even less of me. He is so mad at himself, saying he was a fool to think that the picture he created of me, was indeed reality. He is an amazing man and certainly the love of my life. He has told me that I need to take a long hard look at myself and tell me what I want from him. When the truth is, I want to share my life with this man and make him as happy as he has made me. I want a chance to prove to him that, that girl who had the threesome, is not who I am, that it was a really bad call on my part and that I love him sincerely. Will he ever forgive me and should I just let him live his life without me? How do I implore him not to give up on what could be a beautiful union?

This sounds like more his problem than yours as you have only lived your life and made your mistakes, and hopefully learned from them. Its him who can't handle the truth of the situation.

Is this a long distance relationship? Have you dated besides online? I think you do yourself a grave disservice if you had to lie to keep him in the first place, and maybe your too dependent on his approval of you to have a healthy adult relationship.

Don't let guilt blind you into thinking you can live up to his unrealistic fantasy of you he has painted in his own mind.

You told him a year into the twoyear relationship which you describe as intense and caring? So when did the loathing start? Clarify please.
Have you met up and dated or is this online only? If so call me oldfashioned how can you love someone you've never met?
If a person can't handle that you come with a past you re better off without him.

Thank you so much for your replies guys and gals, sometimes you just need an ouside perspective, living in your head, is never very healthy. So for clarity purposes, I told him about the threesome yesterday, the threesome had taken place, a year into what is now our two year relationship. No we've never met and yes, I understand that you would find it hard to believe that love could happen online ( but it's a feeling that has been cultivated over hours of talking, perhaps more so than would have happened in a traditional environment) So the hurt he is feeling is pretty raw still and validated, I think. He feels betrayed, because I didn't tell him about it when it happened and says he would probably not still be around a year later had he known then what he knows now. I feel so ashamed that he has this feeling of contempt for me right now, that I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I've hurt this man so much. Why I've written this post is because I'm just looking for some guidance, from someone outside, looking in.

Thanks for making things clearer. So what we're looking at is his reaction to what is in fact your cheating if you were in a committed relationship with him. Once the trust is broken its very hard to rebuild. Give him time and space is all I can recommend.
And leave it up to him what he wants to do.

Talking can bring some intense feelings, but love is something that grows through reality, and acceptance.

Your feelings for him are more intense than his are for you.