Originally Posted by
Jake2008
Sweet, you are in a tough place, and one that most of us have thought about- what would happen if that first love came along into our lives again.
Seems that the timing of all of this was really coincidental. Your lover in a bad relationship (that he would likely have left anyway- it was his call to make, not yours), and your marriage in a rut, as so many long term marriages get. I can see how easily this came about.
Your feelings were very strong, and you sought out love over all else, and went with the lover. With you having been a successful business woman all your life, I think that even if you had stayed, it would have been a very hard life without a solid income, and the struggle would never have resulted in what you worked so hard for, with your husband during three decades with him.
Money problems would soon have overcome you, as the lifestyle would soon see the bloom off the rose so to speak, and reality set in. Being with your lover, I think, would have eventually left you wondering what the h*ll were you thinking. By then, it would have been too late.
That your husband worked hard to get you back, says a lot about him. That you didn't blame him for you leaving, also says a lot about you.
So you are left with wanting a dream with your lover, and that is pretty much a situation that will having you wake up to reality, and regretting your actions.
And, what if your husband weren't willing to take you back. You would be in a place called 'nowhere', and would have lost everything you worked so hard to establish all those years.
My best advice to you is to try to see the reality in this situation. Try not to draw such a hard line between financial security (husband), and love (lover). You could have both with your husband, but never with your lover.
Try to put the past in the past. It wasn't a mistake to follow your heart, you rekindled a lost love, and have a broken heart in return. You're human, and maybe now is the time to think of putting your lover aside, realize that you've lived that dream, and it's over now.
Your husband may not show a lot of affection, but obviously it is there, along with other characteristics that have kept you two together for 35 years. Not too many people realize just what it takes to make a relationship work over three decades, when a marriage by some, is defined by months!
When you work through the feelings for your lover, wtih time, it will become a memory. A sweet one, yes, but a memory of an event in your life that has not seen you give up your husband, or your lifestyle with him.
For good measure, try marriage counselling. See if the two of you can't work through this together, and come out the other end stronger.
I wish you all the best, and a happy future with your husband.
