Hello everyone!!

So, here I am with a question/opinion. I recently got into another relationship. (WOOT :D:D) We took our time getting to know each other and finally decided to be exclusive. Now the only major difference between her and I is that she has dated many men in her past (roughly 10) and I only was involved in 1 serious relationship. So my question is...

How do I know that I will not just be another man in her life for a short period before she moves on?

She said that she is looking for a LTR relationship but should I even be worried about it.
The way I see this is that if she likes me for who I am then she will be committed but if we are not completely compatible then she will move on. I am not looking any further than a day at a time. But I am just curious.


Oh and a quick update on my situation. After compeletly getting over my ex I have been experiencing nothing but great things. I am performing my own independent psychology study (as a undergrad! :eek:), have met many new people, met a beautiful new woman, and have been able to have much more freedom. I am healthier then ever before and really enjoy my life. I am healthier psychologically too and do not put myself down anymore.

You know to me there are serious red flags here,it's less than two months since you were on an emotional rollercoaster after your breakup with your ex,it's roughly 4 weeks that you've been dating the new girl and now that's official. You'll not agree with this I'm sure but it's got rebound written all over it. You don't get to know a person in 3 weeks and here you are again, this time with concerns about her previous dating trackrecord and will she move on etc. Will she? I've no idea-if she's your age and has been dating ten guys,maybe that's what she does. You must of course do what you feel is right for you? But proceed with caution.

You really need to calm down and relax. The only guarantees in life is that there aren't any. Her past has nothing to do with you. Who knows how long this will last, but the more you wonder the less time you have to spend just enjoying each others company.

Once again, not everything is an equation easily solvable by plugging in a few numbers. She is a human, you two are now dating, so date, and don't worry about things out of your control. Some people date a lot of people and don't settle for the sake of having a companion. RELAX!

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

How do I know that I will not just be another man in her life for a short period before she moves on?

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You don't know... and what is the fun in knowing everything? What you do know is that you two are enjoying your time and having fun. Keep it that way without over thinking.

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How do I know that I will not just be another man in her life for a short period before she moves on?

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Love is the biggest leap of faith there is and it comes with no guarantees.You can't know.I have been with my man for 12 years and I don't know that next week he won't decide its over.

I also think Amicon has some very valid points that you should consider.

Be wary not to jump in head first.Test the waters a bit before you dive in.Throwing caution to the wind sounds wonderful in romance novels but in real life it's the stuff that bites us on the behind. :)

Not only are you getting in to deep, to fast, but you don't sound as if you have unpacked all your past baggage, and are really ready for the fun you SHOULD be having now. Relax and enjoy it while it lasts, and don't depend on this new relationship to be the answer to all your happiness.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

How do I know that I will not just be another man in her life for a short period before she moves on?

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am not looking any further than a day at a time.

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You see your own contradiction?

I hope you don't mean you're taking it day-by-day, but also scared that she will jump ship at any moment in time. That type of insecurity wouldn't make a very enjoyable relationship.

Wow, am I really this horrible at relationships? I always thought I knew how to be in a relationship but I guess I am wrong.

I really do not understand how this is a rebound. I am not using her to get over my ex. I am taking it slow in the sense that I am not developing strong feelings for her. I am taking things slow by putting myself first and continuing to work on my education, self, etc...

A4, you can say whatever you want, but you are fooling no one but yourself with your actions. I'm ready to bet everything I have, that if you hadn't "find" a new girl, you would still be depressed and wallowing in pain.

I've read your thread and you suddenly became overly happen when you meet that new girl. Even if it isn't a rebound and you do want something serious, it is an unhealthy way to get healed.
Why? Because you need to LEARN how to be single and alone.

You have chosen to get into a relationship and you are already started to ask all these questions about your new relationship, which shows some insecurity from your part. It's a big no-no this new relationship, and remember that all your life you will probably be with someone, so you have to actually build your life and learn to be single.

Now, I know you won't listen, but hopefully in the very long run you will learn the right way to get better.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

Wow, am I really this horrible at relationships? I always thought I knew how to be in a relationship but I guess I am wrong.

I really do not understand how this is a rebound. I am not using her to get over my ex. I am taking it slow in the sense that I am not developing strong feelings for her. I am taking things slow by putting myself first and continuing to work on my education, self, etc...

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GOOD! Rock on ! :D

Last night was interesting. My partners house was holding a party. Everything was going well. I did not drink because today I had a martial arts testing that I had to partake in. She on the other hand got fairly tipsy to drunk and told me many of her insecurities about us. She kept on telling me how she was afraid that I would leave her because she is not good enough. She kept on saying how she really likes me... blah blah blah. She seemed very insecure and that to me was a huge turnoff. Now, I know that she was under the influence and that I shouldn't take anything to heart but I feel like there was some truth in what she said to me.

I really do not know how to deal with this information.

Kudos for staying sober, and keeping things in perspective. That's what all dating requires, paying attention and learning about the partner to come to reasonable sober conclusions.

Be aware though, that's its much to soon to be in so deep you can't get out. Its also to soon for you both to be that comfortable with each other, or developed the communications level.

You deal with these situations by SLOWING DOWN enough to process your own feelings, and draw reasonable conclusions from the facts.

I agree. I've been trying to slow things down by letting her know that I still need my space. This is all new to me again. With my first love I was completely infatuated and just loved every moment. This is not the case this time. I really enjoy many of her qualities but I also can see flaws. I am not infatuated and I am not even sure if I really like her. She asked me if she was going to see me again today and I told her that I have to focus on my homework. I feel like she is moving faster than I am though.

I really don't know what to do. Do I keep progressing in this relationship to see if this is someone I want to continue seeing?
Do I end it now because some time has passed and I have not developed strong feelings for her?
Or, do I just take it easy and have fun datin her exclusively?

Just me, I would be honest, and back away by not being so available. You have already jumped in to fast, and furious just by being exclusive, and that's not fair to her, because she thinks your really as into her as she may be to you.

Honesty will hurt you both, but there is no other way in the long run. Will she continue to date and have fun with you? Probably not.

The difference between a player, and a good human being, is HONESTY.

I agree with you all the way and think honesty is the way to go. I will slow down and try not to see her so often.

I think what I will say to her later today is that I think we are moving at 2 different speeds. I feel like she is falling for me fast while I still need more time. I will ask her if we can slow things down and just take things one step at a time.

I kind of saw that coming. The thing in a relationship is that there is two people who may want different things, and you may end up hurting the other people.

Make sure you explain clearly what you want that you want to take things really slow.

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Originally Posted by A4Effort

I agree with you all the way and think honesty is the way to go. I will slow down and try not to see her so often.

I think what I will say to her later today is that I think we are moving at 2 different speeds. I feel like she is falling for me fast while I still need more time. I will ask her if we can slow things down and just take things one step at a time.

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Good for you ! Good thinking lincoln.. :D

That what I used to say to my boys when they were little.
I also used to say "smooth move ex-lax".

Your going to be fine,I can tell,your being smart.