Ok this is going to be a long one, so be patient with me.
I have a child with my first love, unfortunately my first love turned out to be a drug addict and I left him. During the breakup time I started dating one of his former co-workers, and my child's father went to jail.

When me and the co worker (Travis) started seeing each other he told me he was not ready for a relationship. Well we started seeing each other everyday and eventually it lead to us being in a relationship and telling each other we loved each other.

My little boys dad got out of jail at the end of July and I went back to him at the beginning of September because I thought he had changed, he was doing good, and I thought it was what was best for our child, to have his mom and dad back together. Travis started dating his ex girlfriend

We did OK for about 2-3 months, but I always thought about travis, every morning, every night... I missed him, but stayed with my child's father.

Well my child's father started again with the same mess, going on drug binges. I couldn't handle it anymore so I kicked him out of my house and broke up with him. The very same day Travis messaged me on myspace to tell me he was sorry for everything that happened with us and he wished it could have been different. I wrote him back and told him me and my child's father had broke up. We talked on Saturday night and Sunday night and he said he would come to see me the following day.

I never seen him that day! Turns out my child's father called him and threatened him. He told him he would burn his house down with him in it and bust all the windows out of his truck.

So after not seeing or hearing from him, I showed up at his house and asked him what was going on. We wound up having sex and afterwards he told me he just wanted to take things slow.

So that was last night and I haven't heard from him or seen him all day. I respect the fact that he wants to take things slow but how can I make him fall in love with me again the way it used to be? WE used to spend every day and night together and he was absolutely in love with me, no questions about it.

Dear Ms. Berry:

Sounds like you need some time to yourself to first cope with you last relationship, then think of what you really want in a new guy. There is turmoil I am sure you can agree and some guys tend to steer away from these things. This is something you should think about too. I don't think it is safe for him to be involved until you've managed to walk away from the situation completely. Furthermore, you can't force anyone to have feelings for you, it should come naturally.

Good Luck!

Yep having sex is taking it slow all right.

You are jumping from one to the other. I agree time to be on your own, and then see what happens.

And it is my opinion, he is scared of your drug addict ex.

Considering how you feel about Travis, it must have been very difficult to split with him, and reconcile with your ex, and your child's father. Seeing him come out of prison all cleaned up; the future must have seemed bright and promising- at that time.

I think you did the right thing to try to make things work, and I think you did the right thing realizing that when he started using again, that there was no future with him.

While I can see that you would want to fall back on Travis as that relationship looked like it was going to go somewhere, I think it is too soon. There are things you might want to consider doing before you get seriously involved with him again, or anybody else.

Establish custody, and child support with your ex. Allow yourself six months on your own to re-establish a loving, secure environment for your child without adding a man to the mix. See what you can do on your own to secure your own future, on your own two feet, without needing anybody to do so.

You need the luxury of time, without complications, and without the baggage of a recently separated man (Travis).

Please be cautious and careful as far as your ex is concerned. If he is already threatening people (for whatever reason) with harm, you need to be very aware that he is quite capable of inflicting harm to you as well.

One step at a time.

Oh Thank you all for your help! I did wind up seeing travis last night and we made a date for tonight. I want it to be a friendly casual date that we just catch up on old times during. What are some conversations that I can have with him that won't sound like I am pushing the relationship idea? I won't it to be fun, light, and drama free. I think we are going to catch a movie. Im excited but also don't want to seem like I am pushing anything.

You need to choose who you will be committed to. I would be very offended if a relationship that I put forth effort into went down the toilet because his drug addict, ex-wife got out of jail. How would jail get rid of a drug addiction?? I don't know why Travis is still pursuing you- unless he wants to use you and doesn't want to scare you away... (hence having sex, but telling you he wants to take it slow.. ) That's just my thoughts on the whole idea.

We had a date last night, it went awesome! Just like old times, we hung out watched a movie and ate some pizza... I didn't even breathe the word relationship, and it was a very fun light hearted night. We chatted about a lot of different things but we both played it cool. It really felt like when we used to be together... So now I guess I need to back off and see if he pursues seeing me anymore. I don't want to push myself on him... but we really had a great time last night.

I think he is just trying to keep you on the hook to be honest.

Sounds like a nice evening, respectful boundaries, no harm done.

Just keep your wits about you. :)

Be critical in your thinking and see things for what they are, not what you want them to be. That's hard to do because humans just don't always do what they are supposed to.

Time and patience.