Okay, now first off, I only want people with positive input to answer. Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up roughly a week and a half ago. It has been strenuous on me as of late though. We had a great relationship and she was head over heels for me. I took her for granted and was mean until I pushed her away finally, while all along I thought I wanted to break up anyway. After we broke up it was a stab to my heart and I understand how much she means to me. She was my first and everything. I love her so much and it is difficult. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore and it sucks. We met up two days after we broke up, I asked and she said if we ever got back together I would have to change a lot, but right now, no it's not happening. She is having fun and enjoying getting to do things now. She has apparently set up a "date" with a dork from high school that has been a family friend all her life. That is an attempt to get me jealous I believe. I gave in at first and basically begged for her back which I realized makes her even bolder. She claims I have hurt her so much and I deserve it now. While we were talking I could sense she wanted to just smile at me and everything be better, but she was fighting it. I made her laugh then kissed her but she got mad about it. She said she loves me but isn't in love anymore. The feeling just isn't there anymore. I do know I haven't been as good of a boyfriend as I could've but she said she has just finally had all she could take even though I am willing to change. She let me hold her hands as we talked but was somewhat rude as I was showing my emotion to her. I seemed to be satisfying her wants by showing the pain though. About 8 months ago she had tried this too and said she couldn't be with me anymore, and I told her what I thought and ignored her and she came begging back. I texted her the night after we talked face to face and told her I was going to move on since she knew what she wanted and I was going to see other girls. I also said if she ever wanted to work it out I MAY be open to it but couldn't guarantee it. She said that was good and for me to keep my head up. I responded with "lol...I'm on my way to the SAE (greek sorrority) party, so I'll talk to you later," and she said "yeah have fun...bye," where usually she would ignore or not text back. We have not spoken since and its been about two and a half days. When we talked she left it open by saying, "I'm not going to say never, it could be a month, two months, or we may never get back together, but not right now for sure." All her actions seemed to be rehearsed and not whole-hearted. I believe she may be trying to teach me a lesson, and now will try the no-contact method and show her I can be fine without her. I bought me and her concert tickets as part of her Christmas gift and she said she didn't know if she would still go with me, should I ask if anyone would like to go with me on Facebook where she can see it? Please give me any feedback and if anyone needs additional info just ask! Thanks!!

I am going to give you advice but you must listen closely

You need to back off right now. While it is going to be tough, it is the only way you will get her back (and it may not work). Right now she has you by the ballz and the grip is only getting tighter every time you pursue her. Next time she contacts you tell her this:you still love her but that you have decided to move on and maybe one day she will realize that you had changed.. Tell her that part of being in relationships is to learn a lot about yourself so that we do not make the same mistakes in the future. Tell her that you hope that you do not make the same mistakes in your next relationship. Be mature and take responsibility for the outcome of everything. You need to make it sound like you are okay with her decision and that you are happy again with or without her. After that you need to stop calling her all together. If she wants to see you or calls you, do not jump the gun. You need to act cool about it...

Rule of thumb: this may work and it may not. Right now you need to concentrate on yourself and being happy and positive. Lay low for a bit and then start going on dates. This is the best advice I can give you and I can assure you what you are doing right now will not work. Live life and be happy.

**Not positive, just reality. That's what I do.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

When we talked she left it open by saying, "I'm not going to say never, it could be a month, two months, or we may never get back together, but not right now for sure." All her actions seemed to be rehearsed and not whole-hearted. I believe she may be trying to teach me a lesson, and now will try the no-contact method and show her I can be fine without her.

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I'm sorry, but that is a textbook response in saying she has absolutely no desire to be back with you and she said it in a manner that limits confrontation and guilt on her part.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I bought me and her concert tickets as part of her Christmas gift and she said she didn't know if she would still go with me, should I ask if anyone would like to go with me on facebook where she can see it? Please give me any feedback and if anyone needs additional info just ask! Thanks!!!!

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Probably one of the most immature ideas I have seen around here. I realize you are a college frat kid and you are not yet very "adult-like" in your mannerisms, but have some class.

She has said it is over and has even handed you a fairly obvious answer stating such. If I were you I would continue having fun and living the "college" life. I'm afraid to say that she wants nothing more to do with you, and any games you try and play will only serve to make you look foolish. If you ever expect to have a future relationship with anyone it will require work to make yourself a better, more thoughtful person.

Publicizing a concert ticket solicitation originally intended as a gift for her would be a HUGE contradiction of you trying to show her you have "changed." I don't think you have changed at all, really. From your immature remarks on your post to degrading the guy she went on a date with, it sounds to me like you are a prototypical college frat guy who thinks his arrogance is well placed and justified.

I don't buy into that, she has claimed to stay with me under any circumstance. She cried and begged for 4 days when I had broken up with her 7 months ago. I don't buy the fact that we had a routine argument and she just BAM *poof* fell out of love. It doesn't add up to me, and sure that may be immature, but me and her both are. If it works, what's the problem?

I think the biggest problem lied with her mom. Me and her didn't get along and she has been trying to split us up for the whole two years for some unknown reason. She also has two cousins who carry on about it and encourage her to stay away. We have made it through so much to just simply toss it away, in my eyes anyway.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I don't buy into that, she has claimed to stay with me under any circumstance. She cried and begged for 4 days when I had broken up with her 7 months ago. I don't buy the fact that we had a routine arguement and she just BAM *poof* fell out of love. It doesn't add up to me, and sure that may be immature, but me and her both are. If it works, whats the problem?

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What has worked? You have no proof of anything, except that you base your immaturity off a flawed thinking that it is justified if it works. Kind of the like the two wrongs must = a right theory. :rolleyes:

There is no substitute for class JML, remember that.

Carry on... :cool:

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I don't buy into that, she has claimed to stay with me under any circumstance. She cried and begged for 4 days when I had broken up with her 7 months ago. I don't buy the fact that we had a routine arguement and she just BAM *poof* fell out of love. It doesn't add up to me, and sure that may be immature, but me and her both are. If it works, whats the problem?

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That's how it goes man, she probably had been feeling like that for a while and finally worked up the courage when you did something to trigger it.. That's how she felt months ago but people change over time (especially women). If you do not want to listen to my advice you will only learn the hard way.. That's usually the only way we learn.

I'm not asking for a lesson on morals, more or less a way to get her to desire me like she had just weeks ago.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I'm not asking for a lesson on morals, more or less a way to get her to desire me like she had just weeks ago.

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I told you how she will desire you again. Stop begging and start living. If you keep on begging and telling her that you have changed she will only feel bad for you and thus kill the attraction. You already told her several times that you have changed but she thinks you are only doing this to win her back. When she sees that you are happy again without her it will trigger her to want you again (most of the time). Im not trying to teach you any lessons, but I do realize it's hard to listen to the one thing that can be the hardest thing to do sometimes..

Thanks Arle, I appreciate that. I was referring to the other guy. I came to try to get encouragement. I can tell myself all day I need to get over her and that doesn't help much. I came here because I feel she was the one and wanted opinions on my options as what serves best.

So you say just don't bother her anymore, live life, and be happy. If she misses me she'll come back? I just don't want to get into this lets make each other jealous mind-game and burning all bridges. Like you said, I made it clear to her what I wanted but let her know if she didn't want it anymore I was fine with that. That is a lie, but I think it was a step in the right direction to showing her I was just acting on high emotions when I "begged". Once I rationalized my thoughts, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I just think she is wanting to scare me into changing, but hey I might be wrong. This might be the end of the road and I might have to move on, but I'm just not ready to quit yet. If I leave her alone and she doesn't come calling, then I believe she really is done and happier. If she's happier without me, then not being together is best.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

Thanks Arle, I appreciate that. I was referring to the other guy. I came to try to get encouragement. I can tell myself all day I need to get over her and that doesn't help much. I came here because I feel she was the one and wanted opinions on my options as what se

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You came here to get some pampering for your precious little ego and for people to agree with your ignorant and immature thought process. While others may be inclined to guide you on that, I'm not.

Grow up, take your diapers off and quit acting like an immature little brat. As the other poster stated, actions speak louder than words. If she is to ever allow you back into her life it will require you to PROVE you are a better man (not boy, like you behave). Telling her these things isn't going to help... just do it.

If you like to find yourself in the company of kiss a$$es, then you need to look for direction other places, because you won't find it here. I tried to help you by advising you to become a better person, but you refuse to listen because you need your ego stroked. Ain't going to happen!

Bottom line, you were good enough to get her before, but something changed within your behavior. Find out what that was, and change back into the guy she loved, not the guy who pushed her away.

You've already done your part by letting her know that you want her back. If she feels the same way, she will find a way to contact you.

Here's an analogy for you. It's like a chess game, you made your move, now it's her turn. You can't allowed to make more than 1 move at the time.

But I wouldn't hold my breathe on her coming back because there are many reasons you broke up. In reference to the analogy, she might have given up on the game and doesn't want to play anymore. If that's the case, then you're just going to have to accept her decision. You can't tie her down and force her to play, because that would put pressure on her and push her away even more.

The reason why you should go about and do your own things, instead of worrying about her, is in case she doesn't want to come back to you, then at least you would have been healing from this break up instead of prolonging the pain and suffering.

Why torture yourself? There are more than 6 billion other people in the world. Go get to know a few of them.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I don't buy into that, she has claimed to stay with me under any circumstance. She cried and begged for 4 days when I had broken up with her 7 months ago. I don't buy the fact that we had a routine arguement and she just BAM *poof* fell out of love. It doesn't add up to me, and sure that may be immature, but me and her both are. If it works, whats the problem?

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That was seven months ago. That could have very well been all the time she needed to realize you weren't what she wanted any more. Maybe it was building over time these past seven months and finally she is done.

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Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06

I'm not asking for a lesson on morals, more or less a way to get her to desire me like she had just weeks ago.

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I see this as a way of her trying to let you down easy. I think her desires for you ended and now its just a memory. I think when your talking to her and holding her hand and you think she might give in is just her way of being the "nice guy"

You have a history so of course at times she may give you mixed signals. But it's a fresh break up. Its hard on both of you. You treated her badly, you said so yourself. She tried, she gave up, she is moving on.

Give her space and focus on moving past this yourself.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You came here to get some pampering for your precious little ego and for people to agree with your ignorant and immature thought process. While others may be inclined to guide you on that, I'm not.

Grow up, take your diapers off and quit acting like an immature little brat. As the other poster stated, actions speak louder than words. If she is to ever allow you back into her life it will require you to PROVE you are a better man (not boy, like you behave). Telling her these things isn't going to help...just do it.

If you like to find yourself in the company of kiss a$$es, then you need to look for direction other places, because you won't find it here. I tried to help you by advising you to become a better person, but you refuse to listen because you need your ego stroked. Ain't gonna happen!

Bottom line, you were good enough to get her before, but something changed within your behavior. Find out what that was, and change back into the guy she loved, not the guy who pushed her away.

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I think you give good advice kctiger but I think you need to take it easy on the people that post here. It's like kicking them when they are already on the ground. Sometimes they need a wake up call but maybe with a bit more compassion...

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Originally Posted by arle

I think you give good advice kctiger but i think you need to take it easy on the people that post here. It's like kicking them when they are already on the ground. Sometimes they need a wake up call but maybe with a bit more compassion...

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I can appreciate your 30 post count and your judgment that you seem to know me so well, but with all due respect, I just don't give compassion to people who act like the OP does. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to decipher the arrogance and degradation written in JML's first question. Compassion is reserved for those with at least some humility.

It just doesn't seem to me that the OP is genuine at all about becoming a better person and resolving the issues that pushed his ex away in the first place. He is treating this like a game just to get her back. I do sympathize with his situation and if I have misread his intentions or thoughts, that is my fault and I will be the first to apologize. Everyone who has been on here knows I am FAR (and I mean really FAR) from perfect :).

In your first post you said you only wanted positive input so I wasn't going to post at all as I can't go along with the way you interpret this breakup-but having followed your thread and having come to the conclusion that you have no wish to listen to any advice that does not agree with your own views of the situation you're in, I can only add-your ex makes her own choices in life and there's nothing you can do about it.

Well, I talked to her tonight. Things went all right. We talked and she said she could see us possibly working things out. She said one night next week we could have a date and try it out? What to do..

I told her when I got off that I was going to go out tonight so I had to go, and she told me to "be good". What to make of it?

Assuming you are not in Jr High ( the posting on Facebook makes me think perhaps this is more a Jr high or high school dating issue

But honestly if you think she wants to get back together, you ask her, and if there is a Maybe you ask her to go to counseling with you for several months to see if things may be worked out.

Yes, I do know that was very juvenile. The Facebook ticket thing should be taken back!! Stupid idea, I got it. I have asked and she says no not right now, she basically wants to see how I am going to be. I have a feeling she is playing hard to get to teach me a lesson, but we talked a little tonight and it wasn't a love affair sort of thing. She said she didn't want to jump right back in, but she did agree to that date. So what you think?

First of all I'd like to say that the responses to OP have been great and everything has been said to the OP for him to realize what is happening in his life yet he continues to fight for what he believes.

My heart goes out to him. It hurts like hell to lose your first love, your first everything. Words don't even describe it, we all know this.

There are so many songs about break up and love.

We have a hard time separating illusions from reality.

The realtiy is that we choose who we love.

The only advice I can give will hurt, the truth always does.
What's nice is that you will grow from you hurt and become better for it, If you let yourself heal while feeling the pain and not becoming bitter and make foolish decisions with your emotions such as drinking or drugs or anything in that manner.

Your first love has moved on OP. She has been moving on since she first left you 7 months ago. She loved you in the beginning, you really didn't, she doesn't love you anymore, and now you do, what sucks for you is that she fell in love with you first and she doesn't love you anymore yet she def. wants the best for you in your life. She just doesn't love you like that anymore. Its hard for her to just give up and that's why she is still keeping you on the backburner, it's the only way she can deal with the pain that you feel without her now and the pain that you feel knowing she isn't your "one". Remember that we choose who we love so there really is no "one". Its who we choose. But love is a two way street.

Im telling you this from pain that I suffered and can still feel when I think about it. It will take time but keep busy and do the things you like to enjoy and you will move on. Don't run from the pain while your keeping busy because its part of the healing and what will bring you to whom your truly are. But keep busy doing the things you love.

Everything I have said goes out the window if you have any contat with your ex though. You can't be friends. You can't be buddies. You have to let go completely. It's the worst thing in the world and I cried for months everyday when I lose my first love, my "one". No contact, keep busy, let go, and you will be that much closer the your real "one".

She loves you man but she can't be in love with you ever again. She is waiting for a new guy to fall in love with.
Its over.

She wishes it doesn't have too be this way and she can't understand why she can't but it just is.

She would if she could but God has created us in his image and so we heal and learn to love fuller.

Be proud man, be very proud, and cry but move on and keep busy and don't talk with her no more. She won't like it and probably try to be with u but its just cause she wants to be the one to move on first, it hurts more to see your ex move on before you.

There is no pain like it. Give it to yourself. Be all that you can be.