I am in California, and go to a First Baptist Church. I was married to a man who was killed in the line of duty in Iraq. I have a son and daughter by him. I am engaged to a man who is divorced and we share a daughter with each other. We had our daughter before we entered our church. Now we want to get married however, legally I would finacially lose my benefits and my daughter would lose her SSI cause she is disabled. We want to get married in our church in the eyes of God but not legally by the state. Our pastor doesn't know if he can do that. Does anyone the laws about this in California can a pastor marry us in the name of God, but not with a marriage certificate? Also, I need to give reason to our pastor, does anyone know Christian biblical views or verses that I can use to refer to??

Please help us. We want to become a member of the church and live Christian like and be baptized but we need to be married first. But we would also lose so much legally.. Please help with any advice??

Firstly, you are engaged to a man who is divorced- which is not Biblical:
Mark 10:11... "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman, commits adultery against her." That's your future husband.

You have had sex with him before marriage? That's also unbiblical:
Ephesians 5:3... "But among you there must not be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity or greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."

You are supposed to submit to the government, and the laws. UNLESS there is a law that permits you to sin against God. A marriage certificate and a marriage license are two different things. Take that page out of your Bible, the one that says, so and so were joined in holy matrimony etc. Sign it, have witnesses sign it, take it to the courthouse and it's a legal document. That's a marriage certificate. A marriage license is getting the state's permission for you to get married- and it costs money. I don't think that God will condemn you when you get to heaven because you have a marriage certificate not a marriage license- but you DO need one or the other in order to be legally married. If you are not legally married, it's not really official marriage.

You do not need to be married before you become a member of a church, live a Christian life, or be baptized. You also do not need to go to church, or be baptized in order to live a Christian life. Just some insight. I believe you are over religious. You need to take everything back to your relationship with God, and stop stewing over the religious part.

First no, if your church will not baptise you and let you be a member after you have accepted Christ, I would say you may be going to the wrong church.

It is good you want to be married,

There are no "laws" on it, there is a marriage that is reconised by the government, it requires a license from the state and can be done by a pastor, a judge, a justice of the peace and in some states a notorary. It is not religious it is merely a way to tax ( fees) and control who is marrried and who can marry.

Then there is a church blessing ( marriage) of a union. The blessing of a union is very common, it is done for gay couples every day in many churches, the state does not reconise it, you are not married for IRS tax reasons and your husband will not have legal rights given a husband by the state.

But I do these all the time, esp to senior citizens who can not afford ( because of tax laws and retirement laws of our government) get legally married.

So if your pastor will not bless your union merely find another pastor who will. In California that should be fairly easy.

ckalanic,
You have been given some very good information and advice from Fr_Chuck and jaime.
I add to jainie's information that a self made marriage certificate is legal in many states if the signatures are notarized and recorded in the county in which you live,
Peace and kindness,
Fred

isn't it strange that there is not even one single verse in the whole Bible saying absolutely anything about a ceremony of a marriage while at the same time there are only verses about a celebration of a marriage?
Isn't it strange that the law with all of the details about every little aspect of life, does not say a single word about it?
There are no priests or high priests or rabbies or any other kind of human authourity performing a ceremony or even providing a license or a certificate of marriage!
To answear your question... no a marriage does not have to be ''legal'' to be blessed by God.
On the other hand it has to be legal under God's will to be blessed by Him.
Sleeping with someone is being married to that someone so you having a child with this man can only present you to God as the following two possibilities.
1. As a lawfull married couple if the man was divorced because of his ex wife's adultery
2. As adulterers if he was not.
Scenario no.1 gives you an open road to God's blessing and scenario no.2 leads you to understanding that you have already made a mistake and the only thing that you both can do right now is ask for forgiveness since in His eyes being divorced for any other reason than physical or ( in my opinion ) mental adultery is sin and therefore an obstacle for blessing.
Remember King David and Bethshabe.
If there is sin you cannot do anything to change it but you can make peace with God the way David did through the blood of the Lamb, our Lord Jesus Christ to whom may all the glory!Amen!

Adam7
That IS interesting.
But...
If a certificate is needed for a divorce then one assumes that a certificate is needed for a marriage.
In fact there were certificates need for there are records of people who were married way back then.
Why the bible does not say what is necessary for a marriage to take place and what requirements for the ceremony are I have no idea.
But ancient Jewish tradition for such are on record and some still practiced.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

In the times of the early church, of course the women was closer to property and the contract ( normally verbal) was between the parents or between the groom and the brides parents. It would involved the exchange of property.

Fr_Chuck,
Yes, that's true.
Perhaps that's why there are records of some marriages.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Hi ckalanic

I really feel for the position you are in.

I can only answer what the Bible say son the matter rather than what your Baptist church would teach

The Bible says you must obey the law of the land (unless it disagrees with God's requirements – hence Christians used be prepared to be fed to the lions rather than bow to idols etc)

You must also render Caesar's things to Caesar, hence we must pay our taxes and have our marriages made legal by the land.

In biblical times a legal marriage was done simply by a man publicly walking the woman of his choice to his house and taking her inside and making love. This was a public demonstration fro all to see that they were now married.

The marriage ceremony has changed a little, but it also does not have to be as extravagant as we usually see.

Yes, if you want to do as God requires you will lose money and benefits, that is why doing God's will involves sacrifices and living the life of one who follows Christ is not easy.

If you do what God requires, you will not see it as a sacrifice, but as a liberating experience; you will see your relationship with god to be far more valuable than money and benefits.

God will not make you rich in return, but if you remain with him, he will make you strong enough to handle any problem that comes with doing what is right.

Only those that doubt God will look after them resort to other means. Have the faith that God will make you strong and stick by him and do what is required no matter what and you will be able to take on anything.
I hope that you have not been discouraged by the other posts and you have the courage to come back on and read my comment and I hope that it helps you make whatever decision is right by you.

I hope you find what you need.

I Newton,
God was the first to marry a couple, Adam and Eve.
In later times people were engaged to be married as Joseph and Mary were before the were married.
So the marriage ceremony has been around with is for thousands of years.
Peace and kindness,
Fred