I'm 20 years old at university, my boyfriend is 19 at a different university about 1 hour, 20 minutes a way by train. Not far at all seeing as we were always an 1 hour away from each other when we lived at home.

My boyfriend was meant to be coming down to spend the weekend with me this weekend, something that I was increadibly excited about.

But this weekend when we were both at home visiting family, he out of the blue said that he needs a break the weekend he was planning to visit me and he would come and see me in a bit.

I got angry, he's been saying for weeks he'd come down, but he's been so busy with settling in and finding work e.t.c. that he didn't have time. I was okay with this because its our first term of our first year and we do need time to settle in.

I phoned him and asked why he wasn't coming down and he said he needed a break from our relationship until Christmas break (about 3 weeks apart) I said why? And he said he didn't want to talk about this on the phone, he promised he'd see me this Saturday (When he was meant to be coming down anyway) to explain how he's feeling. I said well I'm back at uni on Monday, I need to talk a bit now or I'm not going to be able to concentrate.

So he said okay that's fair, but he'd still see me in person and talk things through and that when we break up for Christmas we'll meet up and see how we feel again after the break?

I asked him outright "are you breaking up with me?" he said No he wasn't.

I asked lots of questions on the phone, some of the things he said back were:
We're not going to change our Facebook statuses, because it's only a break.
We've been together so long now that he doesn't want to make a rash decision.
He thinks this is what our replationship needs, otherwise its never going to work.
He says he can't do this any other way at the moment, he needs some time.
He says he's changed and that he doesn't think I'm happy with the new him. (the only thing I'm unhappy with, is him not wanting to come down and see me)
He said he still loves me, thinks about me every day, cares about me
He still wants to get christmas presents for each other.
He also said we can still text each other during the break.
He said this isn't a break where we get with other people, he won't cheat on me, and he knows I would never cheat on him.

So I'm really confused, I figured a break meant no communication, in the past we've had disagreements and he's said that we'll talk about it soon and he'll explain how he's feeling and he just never brought it up again. He went back to his normal self. I'm just A) worried that we'll have this break and it will all be fine at christmas and he won't talk about it, b) I'm worried that he is just breaking up with me nicely (although seeing as I asked him outright on the phone and he said no) c) I'm just so confused!! I'm going to have a horrible week until Saturday.

Please can I have advice about what to do, I don't want to lose him, I love him so much. He is having a tough time settling in, he has more issues than me with family, money and I've been travelling before so being away from home isn't a big deal. I think its scaring and daunting him.

I've already said to him that if he ever needs to talk that I'm there for him, I'm seeing him Saturday. So if people have suggestions about how to approach that, then I'd be most grateful. I've also never been on a break before so I'm not sure what to expect.

IJB

He's right about one thing, there's no reason to make any rash decisions. Wait until you see each other in person and go from there. It's really difficult to talk about these things over the phone or IM.

When a couple wants a break, it means that there are some unresolved issues.

He asked for time and space, so once he figures out what he wants to say to you, he will let you know. That's when you make sure that you resolve all the issues before continuing the relationship. Otherwise, things will blow up on you guys again.

So, I'm wondering whatever happened with this situation? My boyfriend and I have been having problems. He moved to another state in September to go back to school. Everything was fine with he left. Not so fine now. A lot has happened. It was never anything about me, so he said. Then ultimately said that he could not be in a relationship where he had to consciuosly walk on eggshells and be worried about how he acted and others acted towards the person he was with. Finally... two days ago he said "maybe the best thing is for us to take a break and see how we do" I agreed and said that maybe that time would be good for me too. WHAT IS A BREAK?

Break-Translation, my feelings have changed, and I no longer want the responsibility for being in a relationship, but I might change my mind back so just sit and wait until I figure it out.

Solution, disappear from their life, and enjoy doing your own thing!

The reasons behind this solution is very simple, since thats what they want, GIVE IT TO THEM, and be done with it, and think, do you really want to be with someone who comes to conclusions that affect, or change the relationship without a full and honest explanation? I sure as hell don't. Thats a real deal breaker for me at least.

No one deserves to be put in limbo, nor the back burner, while someone else figures it out, and the reasons for a break are irrelevant. They don't mean squat. They are easy excuses, no matter what they are, and if they are true or not.

Have to spread the rep. That is so true,and no one deserves being put on the backburner,so give him a lifetime of space and be happy on your own.

Sorry to hear about your problems. Sometimes going away to college changes things.

I hate it when guys play this card. It is just cowardly. In my opinion he’s saying that although he still likes you and may be atttracted to you that he doesn’t want to be with you. It means he’s 90% sure he doesn’t want to be with you instead of being 100%. He wants to keep you around as a back up plan, then if he doesn’t find someone he likes better he’ll come back to you, but if he finds a girl he likes better he can easily and without guilt let you go. When a guy wants to take a break what he really wants is to know that you’ll be waiting with open arms if he decides to come back. That’s what makes it so cowardly. He doesn’t want you right now but he also doesn’t want to risk losing you if he has a change of heart.

Some people take breaks and do get back together. It does happen, but not very often. He is letting you down easily but is trying to keep the door to your relationship open by giving you a sense of hope that the break is only temporary. Meaning - This is only a temporary break if he doesn’t hook up with someone new and he starts feeling lonely. He’ll only come back if the loneliness gets the best of him and there are no other prospects. If he meets a new girl the break will be for real. If he’s loving single life the break will last a very long time, at least until he tires of flying solo, and still then there are no guarantees that he’ll land back with you. He may opt to settle down with the first new cute girl he meets. Then how will you feel?

Accept this and live your life as if you were broken up for good. Date other guys. Don’t hang out with him and don’t contact. This is the only way you’ll stay sane throughout “the break.” Treat it as if it were a complete break up. Who knows? Maybe once you see this break for the break up that it really is you’ll find that it is you who doesn’t want him anymore. Either way, this guy has cut you loose; it’s about time you did the same. Good luck!

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A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.