I recently lost my first love, the only guy I've ever truly loved, in a horrible car accident almost 2 months ago. We were still good friends, talked often. My life was going good for a change and I find out Dustin is gone. My world is slowly falling apart, just seems like a terrible nightmare that I STILL wish I could just wake up from. He meant the world to me and I just don't know how to go on without him. I keep beating myself up, like I'm sure everyone does after losing a loved one, with the "what ifs" because I wish I would've told him I loved him more even though I don't doubt he knew it! I'm trying so hard to stay strong for our god daughter and his family.. especially his mom, we are trying so hard to stay strong for each other! I cry every night asking God why? Why did it have to be Dustin? He was full of life and lived life to the fullest! He always lit up a room the second he walked in it and it was impossible to be in a bad mood in his presence because he wouldn't allow it. I just really don't know how to go on without him anymore... will it ever get any easier?

Don't get me wrong, I'm very fortunate to have so many family and friends hear for me I just would love any advice especially from someone who knows what I'm going through... thanx!  

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Originally Posted by MissinMyDustin

I recently lost my first love, the only guy I've ever truly loved, in a horrible car accident almost 2 months ago. We were still good friends, talked often. My life was going good for a change and I find out Dustin is gone. My world is slowly falling apart, just seems like a terrible nightmare that I STILL wish I could just wake up from. He meant the world to me and I just don't know how to go on without him. I keep beating myself up, like I'm sure everyone does after losing a loved one, with the "what ifs" bc I wish I would've told him I loved him more even tho I don't doubt he knew it! I'm trying so hard to stay strong for our god daughter and his family..especially his mom, we are tryin so hard to stay strong for each other! I cry every night asking God why? Why did it have to be Dustin?? He was full of life and lived life to the fullest! He always lit up a room the second he walked in it and it was impossible to be in a bad mood in his presence bc he wouldn't allow it. I just really don't know how to go on without him anymore....will it ever get any easier??

Don't get me wrong, I'm very fortunate to have so many family and friends hear for me I just would love any advice especially from someone who knows what I'm going through...thanx!  

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Love is a beautiful thing, and people in our lives make our lives more beautiful. When someone leaves our life, of course we go through the "what if's" always. This is normal. We begin to worry if they knew how much we loved them... if we had only done this or done that... what you are feeling is real, it's heartache, it's loss... you have just realized that nothing is permanent. Even if you knew it before. Now you realize it. If we were all to live knowing this, we might never relax. Imagine the worry if every moment we worried it was our last moment with the person.

There is hope however... because you loved him,. you have known what love feels like and you can and will love again. Besides this, he would never have allowed you to be this upset and to torture yourself over this... he would have cheered you up. Honor him now in his absence by cheering up.

He will always be with you... and on the off chance that you believe in life after death, I should take a chance to tell you that I believe in it... and I know he is fine.

Don't be sad that he's no longer living. Be happy that he touched your life and know that you touched his. Believe in love and the bonds of it, and know that you can still speak to him even though he is not physically there with you.

As you read this know he is probably standing right beside you. As I believe when we think of those who have passed on they are with us... they are able to be with us at any moment in all places at once.. everywhere and if we talk to them, send our love to them they know it. Even when we don't say a word... they feel it.

I suggest you begin writing... did you ever write before? If you did, begin writing again. Poetry... words... thoughts... streams of consciousness. Write your heart out.

Write to him if you want to, but write. And, know that when you do you will put your pain down on paper, and let it go.

Thing of things that made you smile about him. Remember his voice, his face, his laughter. Think of how much he would have wanted you happy... and believe in him that he is not gone... he's just somewhere magical now that is so much richer than here.

I hope you have a good Christmas... and think of him. He'd like that. :)

It's hard to comprehend your pain unless you've lost a loved one. I lost my husband far too soon, far too young. I thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I know all about crying yourself to sleep every night, breaking down in the grocery store, being all alone in a crowd. I found no one experiences the same pain - in your case, his mother's pain is different from yours, as is her loss. You are pretty much alone in your position and that's hard.

Yes, time makes things easier. I wouldn't have believed it but it is true. Everyone grieves in a different manner, goes through a different process, has a different time frame.

I found that taking things one day at a time was the way I survived. I tried not think about tomorrow and concentrated on surviving for that day.

The pain for me will always be there but my life has gone on.

My husband was sick for a long time and told me over and over that I would do him no honor if I buried myself with him. I have tried to hold on to that.

In the beginning I took great offense when people told me what THEY think my husband would have wanted. I kept hearing that he wouldn't want me to grieve and cry - I felt like screaming at them because they would dare even assume that they knew what he wanted.

Now I realize people were only trying their best to help.

You have to work your way through this in whatever way you can, do whatever helps you. Some people like a group (I found a widow's group to be a disaster, but that's just me); some have a good friend who listens; some people post here and "we" share.

Any time you want to "talk" there will be someone here to listen - and lots of "us" have lost someone.

My wish for you? Peace.

I am so sorry for your loss. You will never forget Dustin, but it will become easier as time goes by. Give yourself the permission, the time, and the space to grieve. Don’t try to pretend that this experience doesn’t hurt. It’s ok, sometimes even healthy, to cry.

Try talking to friends and family about how you're feeling. Also realize that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. Good luck!

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Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.