Hi, I'm hoping you all can help. I seem to be very lonely. I have friendships, but none that are close. I am trying to figure out why this has happened and how I got to this point so that I can be a better friend and maintain friendships. I seem to make a lot of friends initially,but then gradually people seem less inclined to invite me out! I should mention that until about a year ago, I was suffering from a generalized anxiety. Since I've been on my medication, I realized that I was a bit quick to anger and I worried a lot! This caused me on rare occasions to have quite a temper and say things I didn't mean. Now, I'm very slow to anger and I don't worry much at all. I feel like I'm kind of nice and thoughtful for the most part.

Here are my wonderings: 1. Maybe I talk too much about myself? I used to, but make a conscious effort not to anymore. 2. Maybe I'm trying too hard because I'm so worried about making friends.

Thoughts? I am a kind person in general. I'm a teacher and I have an amazing relationship with my students. I absolutely adore them and they are thriving. I 'adopted' my sisters great aunt and from the time she was 91 until she passed at 99 I visited her about once a month. I know she greatly enjoyed the visits and I learned a lot from her. Is it possible I'm too nice?
People don't invite me out much.

Please help. I'm 36 and out of a crummy relationship for about 6 months. I'd love to meet a great guy, but I'm really embarrassed that I have so few friends to go out with on a regular basis. I'm starting to get really depressed. I feel so disconnected. It seems when I try for a more intimate friendship, it doesn't go anywhere.

Thanks for your help.

Bless you huni,
I'm a similar age and have had some expierience of the same kind of thing. I didn't have many friends not all that long ago for very different reasons, but people are out there, you just have to make the effort to find them.
What are your interesta and hobbites? That's always a good place to start, enjoy doig something in a open, class environment and other people that have the same interests will naturally be there too.. believe it or not( and tes this was hard for me too) speed dating and internet dating, even if it just opens your mind and gets you talking to people its got to be a good thing right?
It seems that you question yourself a lot, weather you are a good friend, weather you talk too much about yourself... ect etc.
I understand that you have had some anxiety issues, I'm sorri this must be hard for you, but its good that you are aware of these now, but we are all who we are, and it sounds like you are trying too hard, sometimes if we try too hard it can seem as if we are desperate and that is not a good thing weather its in a relationship or friendship, its good to be aware of things and try to be a better person... but if you have to change yourself for other people are they really worth being around in the first place.
For me personally part of moving forward in my new life and makig new friends was about accepting myself for who and what I was, making myself busy-various classes hobbies interests that would put me around the same-minded people as myself.. I won't say tat I have many friends, which is cool, cause the friends that I have now are good friends.
Goodluck don't give up, positive things come to positive people!

Friends are very special to be sure and add a great deal of meaning to life, but I am not sure there is a magic number to have. Personally I seem to only have time for a few at any given time. And even then I feel I don't do them justice since I am so busy.

My daughter is a very outgoing person - much more than I am. She sometimes tells me I need more friends. But I am not so sure and do not worry too much about it. I treasure the friends I have and welcome new ones when they do come into my life.

We all have our struggles but the mark of a mature person is to recognize and mitigate our weaknesses and enhance our strengths. It sounds like you are doing just that!

So relax and enjoy the friends you have and good things will come. I am sure of it!

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Originally Posted by nevaeh7

bless you huni,
im a similar age and have had some expierience of the same kinda thing. i didnt have many friends not all that long ago for very different reasons, but people are out there, you just have to make the effort to find them.
what are your interesta and hobbites? thats always a good place to start, enjoy doig something in a open, class enviroment and other people that have the same interests will naturally be there too.. believe it or not( and tes this was hard for me too) speed dating and internet dating, even if it just opens your mind and gets you talking to people its gotta be a good thing right?
It seems that you question yourself a lot, weather you are a good friend, weather you talk too much about yourself...ect ect.
i understand that you have had some anxiety issues, im sorri this must be hard for you, but its good that you are aware of these now, but we are all who we are, and it sounds like you are trying too hard, sometimes if we try too hard it can seem as if we are desperate and that is not a good thing weather its in a relationship or friendship, its good to be aware of things and try to be a better person... but if you have to change yourself for other people are they really worth being around in the first place.
for me personally part of moving forward in my new life and makig new friends was about accepting myself for who and what i was, making myself busy-various classes hobbies interests that would put me around the same-minded people as myself.. i wont say tat i have many friends, which is cool, cause the friends that i have now are good friends.
goodluck dont give up, positive things come to positive people!

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Thanks. Your post was really thoughtful and made me feel better! I guess I do question myself. It seems I'm always seeking approval. I do think I'm trying too hard. It's funny if you met me you'd have no idea I'm struggling with this. I'm friendly, outgoing and kind of pretty if I do say so myself. I appear very confident and in some ways I am; this is just one area I need to examine. I am currently on-line dating (ugh), but it's female friends I feel I'm missing out on right now. I feel like I don't connect with a lot of people and I'm always worried I'm not worthy of people's friendship.

I guess a lot of this has to do with the fact that my sister hates me and I have always looked up to her. It's funny, she has so many things I admire; a great family, a terrific job that pays really well, and yet she seems to be jealous of me since birth. To quote my (sweet, but blunt) father , "She never liked you and I could never understand why. As a child she told me constantly I was fat and stupid ( I was neither) and I was so upset that I wouldn't wear shorts or sleeveless shirts (thought I was too fat). When she had friends over she told them not to play with me because I was stupid. I'd love to say she grew out of it, but she told me a few years ago "We are sisters, we can't change that, but it doesn't mean I have to love you." She apologized, but she still treats me like an annoyance. She didn't invite me to dinner with my parents on her birthday and I still gave her a nice gift, which she acted annoyed by. On my birthday a month later, she didn't make any effort to be in contact with me except for a message she left on my voicemail.

When I call and invite friends to do something, I always say, 'but if you can't, don't worry about it." It's my way of letting myself not be let down. The funny thing is, people seem to pick up on this lack of security and end up fading away. I do have a small group of friends who like me no matter what. Maybe I'll make more plans to go out with them.

Again thanks. You seem like a very warm person yourself! Good luck to you!

I'll give you my secret: A broad smile and being extremely cool.
If you are outgoing and YOU make plans, then everybody will like you. Also people (especially women) LOVE when you ask them questions about their feelings (what do you think about.. how do you feel if... ). For men, it's more about what they do, why they do it, if they like what they are doing...

Making friends is really easy ( I have to turn down some people because I'm really busy and I don't like having too much friends; aka I prefer to be close to my friends ).

It's also a question of probability, the more activities and volunteering you do, the more likely you will meet people.