Ok I really don't know if Im in the right subject area or not cause this involes many subjects so let me explain...
About a yr and a half ago I and my two children lived with some at time friends of mine during this time The husband and I had slept together he told me if I didn't then he would kick me out and my children and I would have no where to go. Which was true I didn't have any where to go. Which I know sleeping with a married man for any reason is wrong!! Anyway I ened up getting pregnant but at the time I didn't know if it was his or another guys baby. They (this woman and the man) was going to abdopt the baby well when I was 7 months along they decicided that they didn't want the baby that they wanted to have there own. Which the woman can not have kids. So they kicked me out and I went and stayed with a friend and I put the baby up for abdoption because I could not take care of another child.
Well after the baby was born I started working at a local bar and workered really late hrs so they baby sat for me. Well they ended up going to court and fighting me for joint custidy which they have now. They have my two children full time I get them Wendsdays and every other weekend. This was about 6 months ago the woman now calls my children hers and says she wants to take my kids away from me. She calls them son and daughter.
And It kills me those are my kids and its wrong for her to call my children son and daughter.
Its been a yr since the other baby was born and I received a picture of her and she loooks just like this man. I can not deny the fact that Im about 100 % sure that's his daughter. But this woman does not know about this. And he does he knows that the baby his most likey his. And he don't want me to say any thing but yet he has continued to send me vulgar text about how he want to sleep with me. He is very well know in this town this town is small and he is a mason and knows all the cops.
I just want my children back in my care. Those are my kids but they want to take them away from me. I have no family that will help me.But my question is should I go to his wife and tell her about the affair and the baby? Can I go to jail for putting the baby up for abdoption with out him signing papers? There trying to take my kids and It makes me mad I want to use the info agiast him so bad but I know I was in the wrong to. Please I just need some advice what do I do??

Do NOT tell his wife about the affair. She probably wouldn't believe you and would work harder at keeping you from your kids. The tongue is a double edged sword and will cut you back worse if you use it against another maliciously. Be kind and patient. Love your children when you have them with you. They are the innocent who see the truth. They will know who really loves and cares for them. Be kind in all you speak and you will reap great rewards from your children and the rest of your family. Good Luck!

Do you have a lawyer?

Well my Girl, you have had an interesting life to this point. Now lets see if you can be more successful in future. First of all, don't get pregnant again. Go to your doctor and see what he can suggest. You have brought 3 children into this world that are no longer in your care and a court decided they are better off with another family. So be it. At least you are still in your kids' lives. And it doesn't matter that their foster parents want to call them son and daughter. That is your ego talking. Think, seriously think, what is best for your children. When you see them, do not ever run down the foster parents to them. Adult games have no part in a child's life. None whatsoever. They just want to be kids and God knows how quickly time passes, so let them enjoy their childhood and any love they can get from every direction. It will make them better and more well adjusted individuals in future. What you have to think about are your children, and they will always be your children no matter who calls them son and daughter. As far as the affair goes, let sleeping dogs lie. You were wrong. We all have choices to make in this world and there is always a way out without losing one's honor and sense of decency. The baby has been adopted and this would seem to be a good thing. The father had the chance to lay claim to his child and did not. There are no legal ramifications on this front. Telling the woman about the affair would be pure vindictiveness and possibly destroy a marriage in the process. Sometimes when we ruin our own lives, we try to pass on a little misery to others. Don't do this. Again it would be a lack of honor on your part. The main thing is that the children are being loved and cared for and that is all that should ever concern you. If the couple splits up over your disclosure, your children will suffer and have to be placed in foster care once again. Let these kids have a chance at a normal life. Get your "sh...t" together and make something of yourself - it's never too late, believe me. I haven't met a saint on this earth yet. We all have baggage. Leave it behind and start fresh. I try and live by the Dali Lama's teachings. "Respect for Self; Respect for Others; Responsibility for my own Actions" Above all, learn to love and respect yourself and you will attract the same.

I wish all good things for your future.

Christine Rome

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Originally Posted by youngawd

Well my Girl, you have had an interesting life to this point. Now lets see if you can be more successful in future. First of all, don't get pregnant again. Go to your doctor and see what he can suggest. You have brought 3 children into this world that are no longer in your care and a court decided they are better off with another family. So be it. At least you are still in your kids' lives. And it doesn't matter that their foster parents want to call them son and daughter. That is your ego talking. Think, seriously think, what is best for your children. When you see them, do not ever run down the foster parents to them. Adult games have no part in a child's life. None whatsoever. They just want to be kids and God knows how quickly time passes, so let them enjoy their childhood and any love they can get from every direction. It will make them better and more well adjusted individuals in future. What you have to think about are your children, and they will always be your children no matter who calls them son and daughter. As far as the affair goes, let sleeping dogs lie. You were wrong. We all have choices to make in this world and there is always a way out without losing one's honor and sense of decency. The baby has been adopted and this would seem to be a good thing. The father had the chance to lay claim to his child and did not. There are no legal ramifications on this front. Telling the woman about the affair would be pure vindictiveness and possibly destroy a marriage in the process. Sometimes when we ruin our own lives, we try to pass on a little misery to others. Don't do this. Again it would be a lack of honor on your part. The main thing is that the children are being loved and cared for and that is all that should ever concern you. If the couple splits up over your disclosure, your children will suffer and have to be placed in foster care once again. Let these kids have a chance at a normal life. Get your "sh...t" together and make something of yourself - it's never too late, believe me. I haven't met a saint on this earth yet. We all have baggage. Leave it behind and start fresh. I try and live by the Dali Lama's teachings. "Respect for Self; Respect for Others; Responsibility for my own Actions" Above all, learn to love and respect yourself and you will attract the same.

I wish all good things for your future.

Christine Rome

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"There are no legal ramifications on this front."??

Even if I were a lawyer, I wouldn't give advice like this. Are you one?

Go get a lawyer, and find out what your options are.

Do not let someone bully you, or extort sex from you, or mistreat you in any way.

We can give advice and quote religious figures, but we should watch out trying to be a "shade tree" attorney.

Let's see here. Cheating, Coercive rape, Extortion, Blackmail, Revenge.

What wonderful life lessons for the kids.

If you get your kids back, do you think you can provide for them? I feel for you. Which is more important? Your kids happiness and everything provided or the guy leaving you alone from texting? You can always get rid of texting from your phone plan, change email address, and change phone number to keep him from harassing you sexually. I've lived with my parents because of my medical condition, although unbearable, it's been 7 years. My son will be graduating high school next year and I will be moving in with my boyfriend. I chose my kids happiness over mine and next year I will be free from my parents.

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Originally Posted by 2ndTime

If you get your kids back, do you think you can provide for them? I feel for you. Which is more important? Your kids happiness and everything provided or the guy leaving you alone from texting? You can always get rid of texting from your phone plan, change email address, and change phone number to keep him from harassing you sexually. I've lived with my parents because of my medical condition, although unbearable, it's been 7 years. My son will be graduating high school next year and I will be moving in with my boyfriend. I chose my kids happiness over mine and next year I will be free from my parents.

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You can't honestly think that it would be better for the children to be with a man who sexually abused their mother! That is disgusting that anyone would think that is okay! Get a lawyer explain everything to them , keep those text messages as evidence, if you can not provide for the children then the courts will probably put the children into foster care, but if your circumstances change then you have the possibility of getting the children back from foster care in a few years, but them being anywhere has got to be better than them living in the house with a man who has forced you to sleep with him, and been an unfaithful husband to his wife, what a terrible man.

Always_asking, I agree that she shouldn't suffer. If she really can't stand the thought of the rapist living with her children and can't stand the sexual harassment, she can always go to news channel. She did mention that the rapist is very powerful and have connections to cops , etc. Or, she can even get some help from FBI or CIA.

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Originally Posted by 2ndTime

Always_asking, I agree that she shouldn't suffer. If she really can't stand the thought of the rapist living with her children and can't stand the sexual harassment, she can always go to news channel. She did mention that the rapist is very poweful and have connections to cops and etc. Or, she can even get some help from FBI or CIA.

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The news channel??

The CIA??

WTH??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 2ndTime

If you get your kids back, do you think you can provide for them? I feel for you. Which is more important? Your kids happiness and everything provided or the guy leaving you alone from texting? You can always get rid of texting from your phone plan, change email address, and change phone number to keep him from harassing you sexually. I've lived with my parents because of my medical condition, although unbearable, it's been 7 years. My son will be graduating high school next year and I will be moving in with my boyfriend. I chose my kids happiness over mine and next year I will be free from my parents.

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Yea, you will be free of THOSE providers.

Crying inside, you forgot to tell us who's doing which drugs. Then the script for the next season of One Life to Live will be complete.

Seriously, the question you need to ask yourself, without your personal feelings influencing the answer, is "What's best for the children?" I would lean towards fostering in another county or even state.

Then Boss Hawg wouldn't be a part of it and you could get yourself set up to be a mother.

I would like to know how you put the baby up for adoption without consent from the father.Did you simply give this child away or did you have some legal documents?

Was this a legal adoption with lawyers ? It seems hard to believe you could do this without the fathers consent.

If you bring this up now the person who has mothered your child for a year will stand to lose that child if it is proven that the father is the man you lived with.He had and has legal rights to that child.

So when you reopen this can of worms,think of that child and the people who have bonded with her.

If your children stand to be taken from you ,you must be proven unfit as a parent.

The fact that you were homeless with two children,which started all this mess begs the question ,can you TRULY BE A FIT PARENT?

You have woven a very tangled web here with all this deceit and I think your best bet is to get a lawyer.

You also need to learn how to parent .Loving them is just not enough.Perhaps they would all be better off where they are because you do not seem able to care for any of them properly.

Not once in your post did you mention that you love you children,an omission that speaks volumes to me.

Crying -inside, you have not come back yet to respond to any of the posts,I have read your post over and over,trying to find something to help you...

You need to get some structered help here,from professionals who know what there doing... the children are with the other people through the courts,is there a social worker involved?

Your life has snow balled out of your control,and its too much of a mess of you to figure out on your own... I don't know if you have a citizens advice office in your area,but if you do I suggest you ask for help... because you need help from people who can help get you back on your feet.

The people who have your children,you referred to them as friends who were helping you out... I wonder if your telling the full story... but going on what you have said,instead of sitting back and letting all this take you over,you need to be pro active in getting your life back on track,and the way to do that is to seek professional help,including some type of councilling for you.

Also,if you could give your age,and a little about the circumstances that led you to be in this position,wheres the father of your other children, His family?

I think a little more information will help give other posters a more rounded view of your situation.

I have to agree with jmjoseph 100%
Why suggest going to the news etc she doesn't want there to be a fuss due to his standing in the community. She just needs to see a lawyer, legal aid will help if money is a problem and if her only concern is the children then you need to contact your family welfare/ child abuse offices, although the children may not be being abused, he has abused her and this is probably enough for them to have concern for the children.

I have to agree with 13 and 14 in that there's MORE to the story,I can assume some things
1.she left the kids with them for long periods without offering any help
2.the RAPE was more like consensual sex that she now wants to turn as being forced
No-one knows without her coming back to the post

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Originally Posted by zippit

I have to agree with 13 and 14 in that theres MORE to the story,I can assume some things
1.she left the kids with them for long periods without offering any help
2.the RAPE was more like consensual sex that she now wants to turn as being forced
no-one knows without her coming back to the post

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Lets not make judgements about someone else's comment , or accusations of being raped.

None of US were there.

She said that he extorted sex from her. Threatening to make her homeless is she wasn't submissive to his advances.

If that is "consensual" in your eyes, then you have a twisted view.

This girl is obviously a victim. Let us not make assumptions at the expense of others. That is not what this site is here for.

This is not a court of law. We are a help site. And we simply must try to take what we are given to work with. Sure there may be more to the story, but what good does it do to blindly "fish" for something that isn't there?

The OP came here for help. Let's try to.

I hope you do come back, and I hope that you take to heart the fact that, no matter how bad things seem now, you can learn how to manage your life with out the fear and confusion.

I can only imagine how confusing this must be to you. Being afraid to speak up and feeling that you have no options, because others will decide your future.

While it may seem insurmountable to you, there are many places you can go for help that won't cost you a lot of money.

The first thing, the most important thing, is to apply for legal aid, and get a lawyer. Be prepared to provide as much information as you can. Write it all out if you have to, with as much detail as you can, and include anything to do with email or phone texts. Dates, times, circumstances- the works. He/she will need a very clear picture of what has gone on, in order to assist you in straightening this all out.

One step at a time. Until you know how to go about resolving all these issues, you need experienced advice to lead you there.

I hope you come back, and let us all know how you are doing.

youngawd disagrees: Yes we have a lawyer in the family as well. Maybe laws are different in US, but I doubt it. And she is not the victim here, the children are the victims and this has already been settled in a court of law regarding her children.

"Disagree" is for factually incorrect information ONLY. READ the site rules.

If your father was a DOCTOR, would you be giving medical advice TOO?

You may have a lawyer in the family, but you are not one, are you? NO.

Yes, she is a victim here. Try to keep up.

I hope you have someone who can read in your family too. Ask them to read the site rules to you, slowly.

And yes, it is against the law to RAPE someone in most parts of the civilized world.

youngawd, here is the appropriate rule for the "agree/disagree" buttons

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html