I miss my girlfriend and its my fault for the breakup
Please help me.. I need to know if there is a way
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I miss my girlfriend and its my fault for the breakup
Please help me.. I need to know if there is a way
Since I have no information,it would be next to impossible to answer that question.
What did you do?
How have you tried to make it up to her?
What is she saying?
All this is important to form an answer.
There is none. You need to work on yourself.
How can you say that with absolutely no information about the break-up ?Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Maybe it was something silly and all she needs is a little time to cool off.I really don't understand your response.
this is long story if you so choose to read-pardon my grammar and rambling... I did some pretty awful things... and this is a short version of a very tragic love story and I'm fully to
blame... ive known her 27 years... we wentt out when I was 24 she 28.. I knew her from high school but we never really new each other and we lived like 3 blocks away growing up..
I had just started a business at 24 and didn't want to committ.. we parted ways and then a few years later hung out as lovers and friends, she again went her way... 15 years later I'm 39 and we went out again for a few years.. she lived upstate and I lived in New York city, we only saw each other on the weekends mostly because of our jobs.. now here's the sick part, she asked me to move and buy a place together.. I balked, I didn't wantt at the time to live in the burbs, dumb move cause now that's where I want to be.I didn't committ again because of my horrible ability to communicate
with her and tought she was the problem.. I have suffered b-polar.anxiety and panic a good protion of my life, so I attribute it to all of this... she was always there for me, I never realized that when she would come to the city evry weekend on Friday then drive home on Sunday.. that she was working at a crap job and made this incredible effort every weekend to be with me... I never went to her because I had a dog that didn't get along with her dog.. so she left her dog at home with a roommate... sadly, I worked out of my apartment and sometimes was relieved when she left on Sunday.. I was selfish, I know that now, then I did not, I was als the kind of jerk that if she wanted to talk or got me pissed off I would not talk to he for days... anwyay... the stock market crashed in 2000.. I was holdong on for dear life cause deep down I knew that eventually I wanted enough money to buy a house and quit working and give her a lifestyle she so deserved.. my portfolio was tanking down from 1.5 million to 900k and I didn't think this was enough money.. if my grilfriend had not been around , I might have done differently.. so with the hopes of the market turning around and my business not doing well. Things only got worse... my dog was dying and I went and left her for what I thought would be a few months up to my parents house in cape cod.. well it turned into 8 months as I waited for my nest egg to come back.. it never did.. we spent a few times together, but I never made a huge effort to come and see her 5 hours away.. I was petrified of losong her, my business, my money and dealing with bi-polar and panic and adhd, I knew I could not land a steady job and keep it.. I always worked for myself... anyway, I cam back to my aprtment
and before I did come back, she said I should maybe stay up at my parents.. I knew something was wrong.. when I cam back she was with another guy.. I didn't blame her.. at the same time, my dog died, I lost my business and my net worth from 1.5 million went to 55k within a year.. I really made a mess of it all... I had a nervous breakdown and went into the hospital... let me say that I had this idea that I would make 4-5 million and be done and that I could start my life... and the reason was, is that I really did want to concentrate on music and not have to have a 9-5 job
lo and behold I got a call out of the blue to work for someone on an estate in Hawaii... I was kind of in touch with my ex and hse told me this guy and her were getting an apartment.. I was devastated.
long story short.. well not really, I think I'm bending your ears here... I went and wound up as an estate manager for a wealthy dysfunctional family... no expenses and getting paid 40k a year.
I worked and saved for years and bult up my nest egg once again to close to 600k.. I tried to forget about my ex.. and she called my apartment phone in New York after like 2 years and left a message.. I was living on the big island and trying to meet anyone was nearly impossible, so I went on the internet.. met a woman from L>A. and she came down once and I went there once.. we thought maybe when the job was going to end that we'd hook up or thought about Hawaii, but because I knew after 3 years that the house was to be sold.. neither one of us would be able to find work... anyway.. thiw woman from l.a. also new my histroy with my ex and thought the two of us should figure a way to get back together... well one day after 3 years.. I talked to a mutual friend of both my ex and mine.. and he told me she wanted me to call.. I hesitated, but I di, because I loved her so much... she asked me two thing when I called,, when are you invting me to Hawaii and what's going to happen when I come down there... I said come down a s a friend a and we'll take it one step at a time.. sure enough, I wnet to see her first in New York and we wound up having a very distant long term relationship... this went on for two more years.. again I hadn't learned how to communicate properly.. I am not normal as you can tell by reading this... one time when in Hawaii.. we wnet out with some of my friends, at about 10 pm she wanted to go home and we did.. but I said I would drop her off and I wanted to just go over to my friends real quick to get a joint, I also had a present for her,, well when I cam back an hour later she was fuirous that I even left to do that.. again , I thought she was wrong and I was right.. and didn't talk much to her and shut dow for like 2 days.. what can I say.. im immature.. they say silence can also be a way of arguing. Finally the house gets sold along with my guest cottage... 10 acres of ocean front property.
now with a new net worth of close to 600k I think I'm set... ill lokk for a biz on the big island and stay with friends, but petrified to ask my girl to pick up and move in the fear she would not find owkr and neither would i.. I coulndt find a business to buy and she was sort pressuring me to come back to where she was,, which was the plan... before I was to leave she called and said maybe I should not come for 3 more months and that we shoiuld not talk until I figured out what I was going to do... I went into a total slump.. she finally called after 3 days and changed her mind.. its like I'm controlled by her beauty and her open heart.. by the way, she looks like a cross between ali mcgraw and bianca jagger, italian beauty...
I come back in sept 2007... frantically lookng for a business to buy, petrified of trying to find a regular job, I have no real skills.. I went the route of domestic help and interviewed with agencies
but no luck.. my ex agreed that if I found an estate job we could work out the scheule somehow.. but a lot of those jobs require you to live there and that's not what I wanted, I was so alone all those years in Hawaii... by feb 2008 nothing was happening.. I was getting depressed... my protfilio took a bit of a hit and I freaked out,. she said one day the relationship wanst working out, she went off to work and I left with my bags to go live at my brothers... once there I realized ow much I missed her and ed up... my sister n law got invloved and patched things up
we went to Georgia thinking we could relocate there and looked at business.. fast food--no good, laundromat--no good... and a ups store--to pricey. We came back and a few weeks later I went to Florida to see a specail doctor for some cosmetic surgery.. at the airport, and I don't know why, I called her and said I'm going back to my brothers... she was furiuos... needless to say... I stayed there for a few months===trying to get my head clear, we talked here and there, my sister n law was invloved because she new the two of really were meant to be together... my ex and I met up and she told me I needed help.. again I went back to my moms to seek medical treatment for my problems, I was able to get free medical because on mass its free if you don't work... my ex was kind of talking to me and said shed give me a year to get well... I was totally freaking out now at my moms.. thinking this is where I'm going to live forever at 50 yrs old... this is now march and 3 months later my ex decides its okay for me to come back to here apartment... I did but I shoudnt have so soon.. I was not ready,, the meds they gave me ha awful side effects and the therapy was useless.
we spent the summer together, the fall and I wa back in the same mode looking for a business to buy.. because I came back, I met up with an old school ate who was abiz broker that led me to a pool hall which led me to the ownere who told me of a company that does market timing in the market... they had a great track record util I gave them like 200k like a moron.. why? Because I thought they could make like 3-4% a month and that would pay my bills while I searched for something.. sure enough they lost like 70k when the market collpased... more money dwon the toilet and here I was trying to do all tis for me and her, I didn't learn my lesson.. it is now October 2008
o make it partailly through the winter and cme February 2009 I'm in a funk again.. we go on a vaation to mexico and I'm so worried and depressed about losing money, although I'm in all cash.. im petrified once again about going back with her and not being productive.. we get back.. she wants to know what I'm going to do.. I said I don't know,, she wants to know am I paying rent if I'm leaving an dcoming back.. I told her I need to get treatmnt again or some help.. ill send her some money for rent.. I leave once again like a bay to go to my moms who picks me up from her way home from Florida back to the cape... we stop at my brothers for a few days... my sistern law once again calls my ex and asks her up for dinner and she comes in a heartbeat, I'm drugged up and non communicative again.. she leaves the next day and I should have gone back home with her.. instead I retreat to my moms like a dope... I call my girlfriend a week or so later an doesn't really want to talk to me.. can't blame her again.. now what do I do with my investment.. like jerk.. I put my money into a lousy 2% yield instead of floowing my guts to buy beaten down stocks on my radar, I dod this to get the interest on the 400k I have left so to pay her rent... months go by and I'm not watching stocks anymore, because I had been so repremanded by close family that I stay glued to the computer all day and I need to stopp.. why I listen to people ill never know.. my own stupid insecurities... yes I am totally ed up, but a very nice guy with a what usd to be a wity personality... wuld u believe two days after my vacation.. when I'm in a total slump.. is when the market decides to go on this 8 month tear.. I come down here and there to my ex apartment to look for work.. shes in touch with my mom here and there.. my mom calls her to see how she's doing... by the way, my ex got canned form her job two weeks after I left... now I felt even worse.. the rent is 1700 plus all the other crap and I'm not there to suppoert her, so I'm sending like 700 bucks a month to help her... come August... I go to see her for a weekend because of a job prospect and biz prospect.. she says, well after lets go back up to the cape for like 10 days... keep in mind that there is no sex... she comes up.. im on these lousy meds.. makein me tired all the time.. shes getting turned off after awhile as much as I'm doing whatever it is she wants to do.. we're in the same bed, but no sex, can't blame her... no kissing,, nothing... well, at night I snoop in on the conversations between her and my mom.. how I don't get it and I'm slefish and my mom is nt helping by saying about me rying to get a job and how negative I am.. on and on.. I keep telling them I can't find a job, I can't find a biz,, I don't want to work for 10 bucks an hour... here I ma trying to pease everyone.. wanting to make enough money in the market to sink into othere business sthat friendsw ere starting or to buy that bed and breakfast place I wanted for like a million.. banks weren't giving out loans.. so big deal.. 400k in the bank.. alot but not a lot.. especailly at 51...
we leave the cape and my ex is really mad and can't take me anymore.. seems like everything comeing out of my mouth sounds like a complaint or whining.. probaly tru.. but here I am trying like a son of a bithch to please her.. and wanting to finally get that place to live... she wanted to move to the cape a few years ago.. but I knew that neither one would find work... I thought possibly and delusively shed come and we could live at moms... I didn't know what the hell to do
I cam back to her apartment for one night, which she didn't even want me to do, before I was to go back to an illegal subletted apartment I had in New York.. I didn't t want to live there... we got home to her place and she said she was going out with a girlfriend... something told me she was going to meet a guy, cause she didn't even want me to stay over that night but I couldn't go anywhere else as my apartment would not be available until the next day because of the tenant I had
well labor day comes.. im in my apartment ready yo hang myself.. people say I should keepit.. but I hate New York and no work... so I'm like what the hell my going to do/
my ex is nice enough to call the night I get down there to see if I'm OK.. she calls my momas she hadn't heard from me and I call her the next day, we talk briefly.. the day after labor day I call and asked her if shed like to come down for some chinese food as we both loved to eat chinses
she kind of whispered "i dont know andrew" then the words I didn't want to here
"Im seeing someone" I said when did this happen, she said Thursday,it was now Monday.. I said is it serious... she said how serious could it be? Well my sister n law said keep calling her... well I knew that was wrong and that even if she took me back,, I was stuck, what the f was I going to do for work and all I be doing was spendin g the nest egg that was to be used for a business or I don't know what... I called her like 10 times and a few emails.. she finally called back very pissed off... "dont you get the message"" and also she was furiuos because I accidentally did not erase a porno site thtwas in her history and someone came to fix her compiuter and it popped up... it may have been the guy she was seeing.. I don't know... she said this time its forever... I said can I call you in two weeks,2 years?, she said, yeah lets see how long that lasts
well its been 2 months now... I keep thinking delusively shell be there and ill be there waiting/all these years that we got back together something with money or job blew up in my face.. I never committed to any woman because I always wanted to be with her and waited... tis time around I had an engagement ring and wanted to get married, she wanted to get married,, I left my aprtment in New York,, I hated it there... my brother and sistern law took me in.. im in the middle of nowhere
I can figure out what I'm going to do.. living a t my motheres for the rest of my life is sure suicide and living at my brothers is not fair to there family... no where to go at night.. I got tbed early and wake up early.. today I had a major panic attack in the house I'm so alone... I sometimes think I need to put away in an instituion.. I had a screaming epsisode today... I miss my ex so much and when I had the chance I blew it... btw,, she also cam eup to my brothers for a few days when I was up at my moms... I told her I d be coming down ---how pathetic with my mom and id like to pick er up and spend a few days at my brothers... it was on and off.. she talked to me like we were biyfriend and grlfriend calling me by her pet name for me, then shed get all angry.. by the end of two days she couldn't wait to go home... again I was on some medication qnd not myslef
anyway, I'm soory if this was so long winded and there ae so many other stories of my not paying enuff attention and doing some very selfish things verbally and emotionally
well here's another one... might as well spill my guts... going for walks,, window shopping something she loves to do... id kind of back out and just sit and wait for her to finish.. or if we wnet to a place we had been to many times and shed want to walk down to the water through the entire town which I had seen many times.. id sometimes get angry and say how many times do I need to looka t the water.
on e time in montauk we were with a bunch of people.. vactioning in a rental house... she brought a friend last minute to stay I our rooom.. I said fine no problem... that night she came out of the room to the patio because ii was playing cards with her friends and got mad that I want payng ny attention to her.. I said I tought u wanted to be with your friend.. her friend had just had cnacer surgery,, well my ex said she was going to leave the next day... her girlfriends said she wouldn't... I was pissed, instead of talking it out, I pretended to sleep the next day while she packed up and left
ill never forget she even took the food we had brought... after she left I didn't call and got a ride home and took a train up to cape cod... id didn't call her for 5 weeks she finally caled me and I said I thought we were over... as much as I didn't want it to be.. it was like a sick game I was playing
but I kept thinking tis I her being wrong and not me.. its all her fault I thought... she just wanted to talk to know I cared... amazing that she even called... so I left and came back to her... this was all happening in like 1999 before my real meltdown
anywya folks, thannx for listening to my sad and ugly story.. im desperate,lonely and will probably be the rest of my life,, I can't slepp and all I think about is her with this other guy and if she gets married, it'll be the ened for me... I don't want anyone else and why would anyone want me a guy about to possible live again with mommy...
Wow, that is long:eek: I have an appt in a couple hours, so I'll have to make time to read it later.:)
Do you want her because she's serious about another guy? So are you admitting that it was wrong for you to have kept her hanging? Grow up. She got tired of taken advantage of, gave up her dog to be with you, took your crap, and now you want her back because you think you can't have her on the side because she might get married. You've already admitted that you may have psychological issue. Fix this problem first, then try to figure out how to get her back. No matter how much advise you get from this site, it can't fix your relationship if you need to get help for your psychological needs first.
Well after reading that for an hour, I'm agreeing.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
You really need to help yourself and get your meds under control. Re-read everything you wrote, it's feels good to vent and get it all off your chest, try reading what you wrote.:)
I got my ex girlfriend back. It took me 7 months. This is how. Right after I got dumped. I went out clubbing and met a new girl right away. She became my rebound. I hang out with her 4 times a week. So she became a distraction for me to think of my ex. The only time I thougt of my ex was when I was having sex with the new girl at the beginning. But it all went away.
Now this is the most important part. (You need to tell your ex how happy you are with the new girl.) Don't compare them both. Now your ex will think that she may lose you for good case you found someone good. Girls want what they don't have, so she will want you back, but she may not tell you that. After a few months, you can start seeig her and do stuff together.
Start fresh with her, it's like starting all over again with your ex. It worked for me, hopefully work for you, too.
Very interesting advice ArmyCANUCKS.
ArmyCANUCKS, how can he start fresh when he's got a psychological issue? Even if he took your advise and got her back, do you think it's fair for her? Do you think it's fair for her to get take his crap because he knows he's got psychological issue and is not getting help for it?
Thanks Imabadman.
2ndTime, good point man.
I guess for your case. Shmutzydawg48. U should get help first. Even if you can't get her back. Stay friends with her. Don't make the relationship end in a bad way that you will never talk to each other again. Be friends with her, and you may never know what will happen couple years from now when you are both single. :)
ArmyCANUCKS I don't necessarily agree with your advice to him though. I'm glad it worked for you... but I would tend to believe your quite young.
Of course I admit I'm wrong.. it was all this bi-polar crap and adhd and more that kept me from acting normally... I know,. left her dog for weekends... its not that I want her back because I can't have he.. I treid desperatley to try and make a life with money.. I tried to get on disabiltiy and they wouldn't... im not a bad person.. I have a chemical imbalance and I don't mean any harm to anyone... I would do anything for my friends and as you read.. I tried to obtain enouf wealth so we could retire.. I thank you for your imput and your are right.. ive been working on myself and know what I've done is wrong.. I just have a hard time working and concemtration and the meds messed me up.. my hair fell out from the last one I took.. not all but a lot of itQuote:
Originally Posted by 2ndTime
God bless and thanks for reading my convoluted story
Drew
What am I supposed to do.. go through the resy of my life not being with herQuote:
Originally Posted by 2ndTime
I've learned.. meds don't help... work is to far fetched for me... can you imagine
I've even looked as far away as a bed and breakfast in costa rica or bleize.. but how do you approach someone with the idea of this and the upheaval////leaving her firnds and family.. and moving.. I didn't even want to move, but I messsed up again after having some money.. I mean I spent like 50 k in toe years just to live.. money that should have been investd in a coffe shop in Hawaii.. that was my intenet origianlly
Pardon my grammar once again... just anxious
Andrew
Horrible advice. People are not object to play with and you are just going to end up hurting more people. I just read a bit of your story ( it is soooooo long ), but you actually do need to take care of yourself. It seems you are too intent of finding someone. A true man isn't afraid of being single and doesn't look for them. I went through horrible pain but I got my life back together when my ex broke up.Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyCANUCKS
I'm honestly doing great with myself and I'm attracting a LOT of girls. I'm not joking, I just take part in activities and hang out a bit. I am successful because I have super confidence, I have a life, and I am not "looking" for anyone.
You have to build your life alone and move on from your ex.
Well thanks all for your insight.. no I don't wnst her back because she is with someone else... I have a severe problem of work related issues tat broke us apart.. I tried so hard these past few years to make things right after all my ups///in the past... god is punishing me... I made a lot of money and worked my off for 30 yrs.. im tired and fed up with work and especaiilyy working for some ahole... I can even finda job anyway... the ex wanted me to go back to scholl, but never knew what I wanted to do anymore.. so I looked for a business... now I lay around all day at my brothers like a turd and waste away the day doing nothing,, still hopes a finding a biz to buy is quite delusionalll. This wasn't supposed to be the outcome
Had many opportunities that most people never get in a lifetime and there was always a not enuff money obstical in the way
My life sux big time
Sorry for all the mispells and mssing words.. my glasses are the wrong script
The good thing with life is that it's never over (until it really is but by that time you don't care). Your life may suck right now, but it is up to you to build something. You can start by going back to school and taking actual steps into getting your life back in order.Quote:
Originally Posted by shmutzydawg48
It requires a lot of work but it always give results. Nothing comes easy in this life, you have to work for it and fight for it. Once you get it, you understand why you took this path.
So work on your life right now, get yourself back into action and build the life you always wanted. Failures doesn't define your life, but success does.
I did all this already paxe.. things came my way.. they weren't easy, but they were the happiest of times,, the way I met my ex.. as I worked at my parents garage starting my business at 23... I was half millionaire by the time I was 28, then ty investments and people I gave money to.. and how I lost 1.5 million in the market in 2000 and now this time 150k.
I'm looking for answers and can't find them,. I feel god is by all means punishing me.. why I don't know.. after my biz collpased I had a second chance.. 6 years of solitude in Hawaii and saving and scrimping.. like I said I came home to be with my girl with 600k.. she thought I was rich.. but let me tell you it goes fast and I had such bad timing in the market these past two years.. so I majorly ed up again;.. now I'm on my own.. scared to death.. I don't have an apt,, I can't imagine living on my own in an apt.. I can't afford New York prices anymore... I had a golden opportuntiy to invest in a friends company which I think will be huge when they sell it... but thatl take like 5 years and didn't want to take my last 400k and spend it on that and sit and wait, now I'm scared the market may go down.. I can t really work and support myself...
I had a place to live with my girl, I freaked out cause I couldn't find a job nor a business.. that was all fantasy... I had my time.. I was given golden opportunities.. condos for sale in New York jn 1989 for like 175 k
Now 1 million and up.. I d up royally.. seriously... I was the most fortunate guy on the planet for awhile,. I had New York by the balls with my tshirt business for like 6 years... ive been alone my whole life.. ddint have sex for like 5 years.. before internet dating... no one wold go out with me.. and I'm good looking or was... maybe cause I had long and big hair back then... anyway, am I supposed just let her go and that's it... a friendshp that lasted 27 years.. I can't sleep and I weep over her all the time cause I'm such a yutz.. and she lovd me more than anything and I did to, just was not able to show it to her... so repressed I am.. its awful.. just when I think I've learned... I don't
Peace and god bless
Drew
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