Iam married on papers with this guy from last 1.5yrs... we had to marry like this to fulfill our parental condition.. to give him time to get settled while we live with our folks in separate houses.we were great friends and even are many a times enjoy each others company... but there are times I feel ignored and left out.. esp around his close friend whenever he's around my husband gets uncomfortable taking to me no matr how I am feeling!as if he's the most imp thing to do... I only have a mom.. difficult childhood.. iam 29 while the guy is 24... I nvr ill treat him.. always find time to chat.. on contrary he makes me feel terrible.. I feel loney depressed and sorry for myself.. have no close friends I can share my personal problems with... feel miserable! Help before I kill myself!

Let me get this straight. You are married for 1.5 years because of parental control? What? Your 29 right! You and your husband are great friends, enjoy each others company but you feel ignored when his close friends are around? Or is this another guy and your husband is the one that is feeling jealous because of this other man? Or is it your husband the one with the friend and you feel upset about it? Is the friend female or male?

What do you mean when you say "i nver ill treat him"? It's not English to me! :confused: Do you mean you won't cheat on your husband? Or you will never treat your husband right? Or your husband won't treat you right? Or you don't want this other guy around because he seeks you out via chat? Or you want this friend to stop seeking your husband out? Who is this friend friends with - you or your husband? Is the friend or your husband making you feel terrible? Or are you feeling guilty for some reason? How is the "friendship" effecting your marriage?

I get that your lonely and depressed... I really want to help but I don't understand your situation at all. You don't have to marry anyone out of obligation... ever! Your parents should stay out of your life and let you make your own decisions. You should marry for love and not for reason! Or because of your parents... your 29... is this an arranged marriage? What is your relationship like with your husband? If your married you shouldn't have any emotional attachments to another man except your husband, if of course that is you with the friend... if your hubby is the one with the friend then he shouldn't do that to you! If I was your husband and you where talking to another guy I would be pretty upset too... or if it's you then I would have definitely reason to be upset under "your" circumstances... but then what are you talking about when you say he makes you feel terrible?

We can have friends as married people but I just don't get what is going on and why? The type of friendship you or your husband have with this friend? Or the type of friendship you have with your friend? Do you know this friend (if it is your husbands friend)? Is this friend mutual and come around you too or your husband or visa versa?

Parental condition - what is the condition? That you are a parent? Do you have children? Or did your parents force you to marry? Are your parents making you and your husband live in separate houses?

Please explain your story clearly so we can ALL help you and I can respond the best most proactive way I can... or maybe I am the only one confused here:confused:?

I am sorry that you're feeling so unhappy. I gather from your name that you may live in a middle eastern country or in the Indian sub-continent, am I right?

Your marriage seems to have started on the wrong foot - firstly you aren't living together, and secondly you got married because you had to meet a parental requirement. I am assuming (again), that it is an arranged marriage? So, it's not surprising that your husband doesn't feel close to you - how can you be close if you don't share your lives?

You're currently feeling very insecure and want his reassurance and friendship. However, some men feel more comfortable with their male friends, there is less pressure and they don't feel that emotional demands are being placed on them. Some men, depending on the culture, may also not feel comfortable being friendly with women when there are other men around (even if that woman is their wife).

How long is the living separately situation likely to last? Perhaps if you can speed up the process of moving in together, then this will reassure you. Also, perhaps you and your husband can do things together, just the two of you, so that when he is with his friend you can leave them to their own devices in the knowledge that you've had quality time with him.

Try not to place all your need for friendship on your husband. We ought to have a variety of friends to meet our needs, and I would suggest that you should really strive to make some female friends.

Mistique, it isn't English. It's a pretty good translation software or a valiant effort on saathi's part to communicate in English. It's a shame you cannot find the sense behind the language. I have to read posts several times myself sometimes.

Saathi, I too would advise you to develop some female companions to chat with. Your husband can become important in your daily life when you live together, but right now you say that is not possible. I do not know what your society thinks of your having male friends so I will not advise you regarding males.

The AskMeHelpDesk has many members from around the world if you have constant access to a computer. The "Member Discussion" section has many forums to chat on.

So what is the future, when do you plan on sharing your marriage togther ?

Saathi, I think I know where you are from. Hum bhi ussi desh se hai jaha ek ladki ka ladke se baath karna gunah mana jatha hai.
M guessing your hubby is possessive about u. u ned to make many gal frens so that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and your hubby has no issues.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Silver Lining

Saathi, i think i know where u r from. hum bhi ussi desh se hai jaha ek ladki ka ladke se baath karna gunah mana jatha hai.
m guessing ur hubby is possessive abt u. u ned to make many gal frens so that u feel comfortable sharing ur feelings and ur hubby has no issues.

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Grrr. Please don't use text speak.

You're not new to this forum anymore, so please respect this rule.