Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do ?

OK so I really don't know what to do anymore so maybe someone here can help me out.

I met this girl about 2 years ago. We worked together for about a year and became really good friends during that time. We laughed a lot and exchanged gifts all the time and I guess you could say we flirted a bunch too. The thing though is, she has a boyfriend, and I respect that and never really thought about pursuing her because of that fact. But I really got the feeling that she liked me a lot and once I got to know her better I really started falling for her, but I always kept telling myself that she is taken and I shouldn't try to go beyond friendship with her. Then he she got another job, still in the same city though. But she started asking me to come over and hang out. Which I did. She lives with her boyfriend and so naturally he was there and some friends from work would always be there as well. So we started hanging out always having a blast shed always laugh at my jokes and stuff. I don't know what to think does she like me or just want to be friends?? When her boyfriend is out of town she'll call me to go out to lunch with friends and asks me to watch her dogs for her... and stuff like that. I don't know what happened but one day I just started thinking about her all the time and realized I might want to be more than just friends with her and that she might want the same. I started thinking about her all the time . I would consider her current relationship as kind of shaky and I don't know if she is happy with him but to me it doesn't seem like she is. One day I decided to just leave her alone cause the whole situation was making me insane, I didn't return any calls or texts from her for a few days and then she started calling me everyday for about 2 weeks but I didn't answer. That ended up making me even more insane so I called her back and now I am back where I started. I really like this girl. I feel a connection with her that I never felt before and I think she likes me too but I don't know in what way maybe I am just reading too much into her actions. I don't know what to do anymore. When I see her I go crazy when I am not with her I go crazy thinking about her ! I tell myself I should move on and look for other girls but its so hard to do especially when she wants me to come over all the time. I guess you could say I am stuck. For the last 2 months now her boyfriend has been wanting to move away and when I ask her about it she seems to say she wants to move too but says it in a sad way and says she might not be able to because of her job. So I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to do should I tell her how I feel before she moves ? Or should I wait for her and her boyfriend to break up and then tell her if he moves away ? Or not tell her at all and just be friends forever ? Or leave her alone completely ? ANY IDEAS ? Cause I am out of ideas on how to fix this whole thing. (I am 24 and from Atlanta by the way)

If after 2 years she's still with her boyfriend and you're still her friend, then chances are, things are just going to stay that way.

You can always take the leap and let her know how you feel, but there's no guarantee that she feels the same way about you. If she felt the same way, the ball would be on her side of the court to make the next move. If she doesn't, then at least you would be rejected and be able to move on instead of constantly wondering how she feels.

I would caution that she has a boyfriend, so don't misinterpret her kindness as something more. Sometimes, when we have feelings for someone, we have the tendency to twist all their actions into thinking that they are interested in us.

The ideal scenario would be for you to ignore her until you've gotten over her. Once you've gotten over her, then you can be friends.

I also suggest that you spend more time getting to know more people. You seem to spend a lot of time with her, but that time could be spent meeting new people and giving you the chance to find someone else, who isn't taken, to be your girlfriend.

I have to spread the rep I wish but you re spot on again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

If after 2 years she's still with her boyfriend and you're still her friend, then chances are, things are just going to stay that way.

You can always take the leap and let her know how you feel, but there's no guarantee that she feels the same way about you. If she felt the same way, the ball would be on her side of the court to make the next move. If she doesn't, then at least you would be rejected and be able to move on instead of constantly wondering how she feels.

On the contrary, I would advise exactly the opposite. Your sort of situation is not new and is actually quite common. I guess I will explain further.

Often times I have grown to like certain women that just seem to naturally click. I have asked certain women out and they tell me they have a boyfriend, and at that point I immediately distance myself as I find it completely disrespectful to continue in a so called platonic friendship with a women whom has a boyfriend when you have feelings for her.

Professing your feelings to her does nothing. It is natural law to be able to tell one is attracted to another. So if you tell her you are falling for her, she leaves her boyfriend, and then you two would live happily ever after? Is that how you see this playing out (posed to both you and IWish)? She has been with her current boyfriend for awhile and I don't see how it is fair to do such a thing, either to her or her boyfriend. Put yourself in his shoes. We get way too wrapped up in our own feelings sometimes that we minimize the impact a significant other has, the connection they have and the feelings involved. Women aren't stupid and they can easily tell when another guy is into them.

My advice would be to back off. I think it would be wise to say something along the lines of, "I like you a lot, but you have a boyfriend and I think it is best for both parties if we give each other some space for the time being." I find it classless and immature to come in between a woman and her romantic relationship with another person, no matter how much you like her. I also think she can clearly tell you like her a lot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

On the contrary, I would advise exactly the opposite. Your sort of situation is not new and is actually quite common. I guess I will explain further.

Which is why I stated the ideal situation later in my post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

The ideal scenario would be for you to ignore her until you've gotten over her. Once you've gotten over her, then you can be friends.

But it's been 2 years and if the feelings haven't gone away by now, then sometimes, something more drastic needs to be done, instead of dragging it out. 2 years of infactuation to someone who's taken is too long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

I find it classless and immature to come in between a woman and her romantic relationship with another person, no matter how much you like her. I also think she can clearly tell you like her a lot.

I never said to come in between the couple. My suggestion was that confessing the feelings would get the 2-year elephant out of the room, instead of dragging it out longer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

My advice would be to back off. I think it would be wise to say something along the lines of, "I like you a lot, but you have a boyfriend and I think it is best for both parties if we give each other some space for the time being."

Exactly, there is a certain way of expressing one's feelings to the other person in a respectable manner. Kc, we're basically on the same wave-length because I agree with your advice. But remember, by confessing the feelings, even though it's in a respectable manner by asking for space from one another, the ball is still on her side of the court to make the next move, i.e. she could tell him that she just wants to be friends and agrees with giving each other space or she could return the feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

If after 2 years she's still with her boyfriend and you're still her friend, then chances are, things are just going to stay that way.

Ain't that the truth...

Sorry OP. Early bird gets the worm. Playing her friend with hopes of a romantic involvement isn't the best approach. You've got to make your intentions known right away.