We’ve been going out for 2 years and everything was perfect, he is 26 and I'm 28 , I told him at the very beginning of the relationship that I want to settle down by the age of 30 and he agreed , he even told me that he makes his life decision and his mum will not interfere , recently he took my parents out for dinner and he told them that he really loves me and he wants to marry me in 2 years , my parents was happy and so were all my family members, I introduce him to everyone, he bought a new apartment and we were both busy getting things sorted out , we did everything together and he also have plans for me to move in with him, 1 month ago he started acting with me weirdly and avoided me , when I ask him he’ll say he has to many things in his head but he refuse to share it with me, things were not the same anymore as he stopped calling or smsing , I then asked him where is the relationship heading to and he told me he is afraid, he told me that he is not ready for commitment as he believe that it will not work and we will end up getting a divorce just how his parents did, I asked him to meet me so that we could talk about it but he refused and he just stop calling or smsing , I called him and beg for explanation but he will say stuff like leave me alone and move on with your life, it was so hurting and I could not believe this was happening , he was never like this and I notice there were so much of changes about him , at first I thought he is seeing someone else but our friends told me that he is not and he refuse to tell them anything , thank god for all the good friends I have around me I decided to keep strong and leave him be, I didn’t try to call him or contact him anymore , just a few days ago he finally called me (he was drunk) and he started crying and apologizing for whatever he did, he told me his mum disagree him getting committed to soon and he feels the same too, I was amazed with his excuse.. Why after 2 years? Why after telling my parents? Why didn’t he even bother talking to me about it and we could come up with a decision , I love him so much that I didn’t mind waiting…how was it so easy to be in a relationship for 2 years and then 1 fine day just come up and tell me its over.. im not so much hurt because he broke up with me but the way he did, we were so close that we did everything together and when he decide to leave me he treated me like a stranger, he told me that he is a coward and that’s why he did what he did. He have agreed to meet me now to explain and we have decided to stay as friend because we have the same friends and its difficult for them to decide who to call out n etc, do you think I should go and meet him? Is going to worth it getting him to explain to me? Do you think I will be hurting myself more if I see him, please help as I’m so confused...

Im sorry. I know how you feel.
I never got sincere answers either. My ex is another coward.

If you want to meet & get answers, that's up to you. But be prepared for more hurt. The funny thing is whatever answers you may get, he wants out. They may never be acceptable to you & at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter.

If he can't commit after 2 years, then let him go & figure out what commitment means. And you can figure out who is capable of that.

My guess is that you don't wish to be on pins & needles in a relationship, never knowing if your partner is invested. Do you?

No one wishes to be with someone that doesn't want or feel the same. You can't change people's hearts. He already knows how you feel.

My advise, as others here, is to read the stickies & some other's posts.
But, go NC immediately & forever.

Good luck angel. Now its time for yourself.

Thanks.. well I've told myself that I should move on as there is no way I want to be with a guy who can't decide for himself , but I don't want to be a stranger in his life as I care about him a lot , he told me that he still loves me and will always do , it seems like force himslef to take this step,I don't know if I'm going to end up hurting myself more being his fren, guess like you say it will be better to go NC.. neway thanks a lot for your answer and concern, it really helps..

No worries.

The word love is used in so many different ways, hey?

Either way is hard, but with NC there's no more drama or expectations on either part.

If you want to be friends with no other expectations, and can do that, then go for it.

Otherwise, save yourself from any more potential hurt.

Some people rush into things in their minds I have this problem and when things finally start to happen in real life you get scared. My advise would be to leave him alone let him figure things out as well as you too. I know it sounds silly but if is meant to be it will happen. If you feel like waiting then do so but know that pushing the topic will only make things worse. Good Luck and sorry!

Yup, to use your gut.
The one some of us here forgot to use.

This is real life.

Im sorry you re hurting but I think you should go NC on him-for you sake so you can heal from the breakup.
He comes across as emotionally unavailable and very immature.
And would you want to be with someone who says his mother doesn't agree to his committing to a relationship? He s 26 not 16.
Staying friends will only hurt you so Id forget about that-take care of you now.

Thanks for you support everyone, its always better to hear from someone that have been in the same situation before, yeah its true there is no point mourning over someone who can't make a decision for himself , guess its time to let it go, I will meet him someday when I'm ready and show him that I am strong and happy its over,its his lost not mine.. :-)

YES!!

Your gain.

Keep that going.

Sometimes people do things, not out of maliciousness or a desire to hurt but because they are afraid or cowardly or simply because they know no other way to respond.

From what you say he wasn't really ready for commitment. He thought he was, and he talked about it, but as soon as it started becoming a reality with the purchase of the apartment, he got cold feet.

For whatever reason - fear, cowardice, sheer spinelessness - or all of the above - he wasn't able to talk to you about this. Perhaps he's an all or nothing sort of guy, and perhaps you didn't know him as well as you thought.

Don't stay friends with this guy. He has the potential to hurt you again and he hasn't treated you with the consideration that you would expect of a good friend let alone a future husband.

The best way to heal from this disappointment is to have no more contact with him at all. Ever.

"you didn't know him as well as you thought"

Or yourself...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

"you didn't know him as well as you thought"

or yourself....

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Angel,I am so sorry about your situation.Sounds kind of similar.And irritating.

"I am not ready for commitment.Its not you,its me."

"I am the bad guy,you are too good for me."

"I need more time and more space to figure things out."

Realisations like these set in a week,a month,2 months,6 months,10 months,a year,2 yrs,5 years,sometimes even 7-10 years of being together.I suppose it's the misfortune of some of us to land up with people like these.And we suffer because of some insecurity,some deep-down confusion/issue they might have,some baggage they are still carrying.

Angel,I know how you feel,almost like someone knocked the wind off your sails.The why's,where's and how's must be just killing you.Like some well-laid plan gone awry.

BUT,Angel,he is right.He is a coward.At least he owned up.Now what do you say when someone admits they are jerks of the first order?You can't make him be anything else,right?And from the looks of it,neither does he want to be anything else.

He's actually made it simple for you.A wonderful,sweet,caring,fun-loving and confident person like you wouldn't want to have ended with a coward,right?If he has cold feet at the mere thought of marriage(that too something which he chose and you didn't have to force him),then just think how you could have trusted him with your life and other important decisions after marriage?

I would say good riddance for you and a BIG mistake for him.Have faith in yourself and the choices you make.That faith's going to keep you going.

You'll be fine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by angel5276

We’ve been going out for 2 years and everything was perfect, he is 26 and im 28 , I told him at the very beginning of the relationship that I want to settle down by the age of 30 and he agreed , he even told me that he makes his life decision and his mum will not interfere , recently he took my parents out for dinner and he told them that he really loves me and he wants to marry me in 2 years , my parents was happy and so were all my family members, I introduce him to everyone, he bought a new apartment and we were both busy getting things sorted out , we did everything together and he also have plans for me to move in with him, 1 month ago he started acting with me weirdly and avoided me , when I ask him he’ll say he has to many things in his head but he refuse to share it with me, things were not the same anymore as he stopped calling or smsing , I then asked him where is the relationship heading to and he told me he is afraid, he told me that he is not ready for commitment as he believe that it will not work and we will end up getting a divorce just how his parents did, I asked him to meet me so that we could talk about it but he refused and he just stop calling or smsing , I called him and beg for explanation but he will say stuff like leave me alone and move on with your life, it was so hurting and I could not believe this was happening , he was never like this and I notice there were so much of changes about him , at first I thought he is seeing someone else but our friends told me that he is not and he refuse to tell them anything , thank god for all the good friends I have around me I decided to keep strong and leave him be, I didn’t try to call him or contact him anymore , just a few days ago he finally called me (he was drunk) and he started crying and apologizing for whatever he did, he told me his mum disagree him getting committed to soon and he feels the same too, I was amazed with his excuse ..Why after 2 years?? Why after telling my parents? Why didn’t he even bother talking to me about it and we could come up with a decision , I love him so much that I didn’t mind waiting…how was it so easy to be in a relationship for 2 years and then 1 fine day just come up and tell me its over..im not so much hurt because he broke up with me but the way he did, we were so close that we did everything together and when he decide to leave me he treated me like a stranger, he told me that he is a coward and that’s why he did what he did. he have agreed to meet me now to explain and we have decided to stay as friend because we have the same friends and its difficult for them to decide who to call out n etc, do you think I should go and meet him? Is going to worth it getting him to explain to me? Do you think I will be hurting myself more if I see him, please help as I’m so confused...

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ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Don't even waste your time or your energy on him...
He gets an apartment and makes plans for you to move in...
A month later he gets commitment phobia and flakes with a lame excuse...
Your relationship then takes a turn for the worse...
Because he won't communicate with you ( which is a big NO-NO ).
Then one day out of nowhere he gets drunk and calls you crying ( lol ) and "spills the beans."
He tells you he's a "coward", and also not too mention he's 26 yrs old letting mommy say what's best for him.

Now if I missed anything please do correct me. But...

Ask yourself this question " do I really want a 26 yr old coward, who scared to commit, and still let's his mom dictate for him as my future, or should I just hold off on him and wait till I meet someone more manly enough and mature enough to come along ? " I highly suggest you leave scary dude alone, and just do your own thang until you meet someone more mature enough for you. Cus I can tell you right now, what homeboy is showing you is just a glimpse of what's too come in the future!!

Exactly. Good one.

Not only a bad glimpse into the future, but maybe something you knew all along, but denied.

Let him grow up. And let yourself realize who is really deserving.

One day you will be glad that he did this. I know, that doesn't sound even possible right now. But one day you will meet a REAL MAN who will treat you right, and go through with your plans.

For whatever reason, he changed his mind . Try to be strong, and hold it together. You will find love again. With someone who has a spine.

I wish you strength and patience.

That's a great point.

Getting treated right. Isn't that what we all want?

Yup, hold it together. It will get better, for sure.

Very true indeed, he is the type to hurt anyone and never I thot he will ever hurt me like rthis but he did , and I guess its good he did this now rather that regreting his decision later , I don't want to be married with a guy who force himself into it,I have decided to go NC with him, he smsed me and I only reply when I think its necessary, I make him feel that I'm moving on with my life fine and healthy and I don't show him my pain, I'm dealing with things better now but everything that I do reminds me of him and I pray I get away with this feeling really soon.. pray for me guys and thanks a lot for all your support.. it really helps..

Sorry I meant he is not the type of guy who can hurt anyone*

Sending you good thoughts. Keep posting and take care.

Don't even reply to anything, just block his number. And yes you are right, it's better to call it quits than to marry him now.