My question is I married a man with four teen ager's and I thought we were all getting along great then this past weekend I was told by my new husband they hate you they say your mean to them and I don't want you saying anything to them or me about them and the reason he thinks one of the boys won't come over on his weekends is me so he wants me to leave on their weekends so they will come over , I tried to talk to my spouse about all this he just said discussion over , I have never been mean to these kids I have bent over backwards to be nice to them and do things for them this breaks my heart they are saying these things and that he won't even consider my feelings on any of this , what should I do any advice would be very appreciated .

My response would have been "Discussion over? Well, MARRIAGE over, too!"

While I agree that he needs to see to the needs of his children, he married you, and has a commitment to you as well.

Let him know you're open to counseling with him, with or without the kids--but that the discussion is most certainly NOT over if he wants you to leave your own home for his convenience.

Often just their perception is you are 'replacing' their real mother or trying to in their eyes so they have a natural resentment.
If he refuses to tell you specific instances I would question exactly what he hopes to accomplish as long term fix of the problem. You can't be expected to leave every time they come. Then what does he expect you to do on holidays that they come?
Where does he expect you to go?

It is hard to believe that this just blindsided you, out of the blue, with no warning.

There has also been communication behind your back with these teenagers to your husband, and you have become the 'convicted', and obviously they are, together, judge and jury! No doubt the ex has been in on this too. What a bunch!

Your husband is being unreasonable, and unfair to expect you to just not only take this, but take yourself out to a hotel when his kids visit.

This is YOUR home, and I hope that you won't let them walk all over you. You need to address all of them, together, and get to the bottom of this. The first time you leave because of them, will only encourage more controlling behaviour. This is outrageous.

In my opinion, what I would do, is absolutely refuse to leave my home. No negotiations. HE can go and get a hotel room with them if he wants to, but you will not leave.

Then I would insist on a sit down meeting with him, and his children, in a neutral place, and discuss what the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on. Stay cool, allow them to speak, allow your husband to speak, and, if nothing else, tell them all together that you will not leave your home when they visit. They will have to make their own arrangements elsewhere, or attend counselling with you to unravel, and solve this problem.

Don't back down whatever you do.

His children have voiced their dislike of you... thats one problem that can be solved or at least a compromise found..

Your husband has disrespected you,his wife! And treated you like a teenager,end of discussion,who does he think he's talking too... has he confused you with someone he does not like? Or love?

I bet he would not speak to a stranger in the same tone.

I would fear if you left the house to accommdate them it would set a presendence for future bad behaviour on your husbands and step children's part.

I recommend you continue being nice to the stepchildren and take your husband aside and let him know in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate being treated badly or disrespected by your husband or ANYONE! In your own home.