My daughter has an 18 month old girl. Clearly the child is coming into the terrible twos early. Tantrums and all I am told. (I live 2,000 miles away and do not get to be there as often as I would like.) So my daughter is struggling (as all moms do) to determine the best way to guide this energy in a positive direction.

When her mother in law (baby's "other" grandma) is around, the child is happy and cries when Grandma leaves the room, etc. My daughter takes this a sign that baby loves Grandma more than herself. While I do not believe this for a second, I have not been able to find the words to help my daughter put this is a better perspective.

So... all insights are welcome.

Hehe, yes, actually my daughter started the terrible twos at 18 months as well... and it will get a bit more challenging. I found a bit of a relief over the last 2 months... trying different things, spending a lot of time with her, giving her options and staying away from the big "N" word! There are a lot of options to explore in dealing with the terrible twos to try to make things a bit easier. She is nearly 3 now and is so much better. It is a struggle for most parents - I went through it, pending to go through it again and A LOT of other mom's I talk to are addressing the same/similar concerns about their child.

From your post it "sounds" like you live 2,000 miles away from your child and can't be there as often as you want? Or are you and the children 2,000 miles from the grandma? There are two children? A baby and your 18 month - or your 18 month and another child? Are you trying to explain to your other child why the other child acts out around grandma? Or are you trying to figure it out?. I am confused!

Well, I will try to answer this - baby loves grandma because all babies love grandma's... mine does it too. It doesn't mean she does not love you or anyone any less... this is how it's like with grandchildren. Grandparents don't have the same stress as parents thus less rules and they love to SPOIL their grandchildren. Their patience and time is relaxed (some retired?) more so because parents are so busy doing everything... paying bills, working, house work, managing time, money and their child or children... making breakfast, lunch, supper and snack times - don't forget the entertaining part... ensuring their child has everything they need and keeping your partner happy at the same time... less time for themselves... setting boundaries and firmly but lovingly enforcing them. Children sense it... plus there is a sense of extra love and patience in grandmas... I remember how my grandma felt when she was alive and it was not the same as being with my mom. I didn't see my grandma every day either so I was really excited to see and spend time with her.

What do you want to know and who are you explaining this to?

My children are the same way. When I'm around and they get hurt or whatever, they cry for Grandma. But when they are with Grandma, they cry for me. So I tend to think it's a psychological thing, the attention they get from the person they have been with all day tends to slide and they know they will get more attention from the person who has been absent for short/long period.

And since Grandma doesn't have to deal with the consequences after the fact, they tend to get spoiled more by Grandma! My mom jokes that its her reward and payback time! :)

I am a single mother of 2 boys, ages 3 and 5, and the best way I deal with it is to let the little things go (dishes, laundry, etc) so I can focus on my kids. I noticed that when I'm stressed, it feeds off to my kids, even when I do my best effort to hide it. So I usually do chores or whatever when they are sleeping or when they are happily occupied with something else and I try to get at least 6 hours of sleep per night.

To figure out how to redirect the child's overwhelming energy is a struggle itself. Once I figure something out, it wears out within a few weeks and back to the drawing board I go. So it is a continuous thing as the kids grow since they are introduced to new things everyday.

And what else helps get me through the terrible tantrum is that I remind myself that when they get older, they aren't going to want me around so that's when I'll take my breather.

My daughter in law feels crushed when 1 year old cries to be with nana.

The "terrible twos" happen when a kid begins to test what things they have control over versus what they do not control, particularly when it comes to the wants of other people. Even if what you want them to do is exactly the same as what they want to do, they will still refuse to do it-- Toddlers don't understand that they must put their shoes on in order to play outside-- they simply see Mommy telling them to do something, and they take that chance to rebel. It's the same reason a two year old yawning and drooping eyes will refuse to take a nap-- "you are trying to put me down to sleep, therefore, that is not what I want to do."

The only way a Mom gets things done is by repeatedly imposing her will on an unhappy toddler... eventually, he has to go to bed, or eat something for dinner, or take a bath, or change his diaper, whether he wants to or not. Mom is the one that makes that happen. Mom is the enemy of two-year-olds. It is her job, and it's perfectly healthy.

Grandma is hardwired to coddle and soothe, and enjoy the perks of being Grandma. This is also perfectly healthy and it is her job.

And, if you remember what I said at the very beginning-- that the baby only wants exactly the opposite of what you want/what you are doing-- The only reason Grandma is not allowed to go home is *because Grandma wants to go home*!

When I get home from work my 10 month old son cries for my mother who watches him two or three times a week for me. It kills me and I think he loves her more than me. It kills me to leave him but I am a single mom and there's nothing else I can do.

Wow, although this posts are old I can't believe this is such a common issue. I guess I just have to relax and hope for the best, even if it hurts so bad.