Hello. My name is Erin. My dad was adopted and I am currently trying to find my biological grandparents, but I do not want my dad to know and all I know are their first names and the state where he was born. It is kind of a delicate situation with him so, I don't want to confront him about it, but I feel I have the right to know my family. Don't get me wrong, the family who adopted him, is the only family I have ever known, blood or not, they'll always be my true family. I just want to know my blood line. If anyone has any suggestions that they think would help me, feel free to reply!!

The ONLY way you really have of doing this without your father's involvement is by hiring an LPI. It's probably going to cost a lot, and may take a loooong time with the limited information that you have.

You don't really have a "right" to disrupt someone else's life, just to find out your "blood line". You DO realize that that's what you'd be doing, right? You'd be interrupting, for better or for worse, the life that someone ELSE has lived after choosing adoption for your father. They may not have told anyone else in their lives about it. You could break up marriages. You could alienate children. And you could start the grieving process all over again for your birth parents. Of course it's possible that they are looking, too, and want a reunion--but please remember that not all reunions are like they are on Oprah.

I just would like to ask, though--why do you have to tiptoe around your father? You realize that you are making a choice for HIM in starting a search, right?

As far as I know, she never remarried. Also, my boyfriend and I are trying to have kids, I don't know the medical history in my family, besides on my moms side. I want to know if I have anything to worry about, because my dad found out a few years ago, that he is a diebetic, which is genetic.
I don't have to tip toe around my father. We have never really been that close. We live five states away from each and have for majority of my life. I'm just afraid if I ask him, it'll be taken the wrong way, you know? My dad's not really the "logical thinker". He looks for the worse possible senario in every situation.

You're going to need his help for this if you plan on getting anywhere.

While I agree that you should have access to your medical history--unless it's life-threatening, you're not going to convince a court that it's in their best interest to break the promise to the birth parents to NOT open those records.

There's a sticky at the top of the adoption page about searching for a biological parent or child--but MANY of those steps need to be done by either the adoptive parent, the birth parent, or the adoptee--not by a relative of any of the three.

I guess it couldn't hurt to casually bring it up in conversation somehow, to see if he would help. But, thank you for your help and for your opinion sugar. =)

It is our nature to want to know everything, but if your father is not ready to pursue this information you owe it to him to respect the boundaries, and not go behind his back on this. It would be a very insensitive and inappropriate thing to do. Not every adopted person wants to know their birth family.

As regards your concerns about medical history for your future children, please know that I have no clue what any of my eight great-grandparents died from or what diseases they suffered and have never been asked. I've never been asked in my life. I've been asked what I know about my grandparents, and what I know about my parent's health but they just don't ask that far back. So, you really don't need more medical information from them. You have more recent, and therefore more relevant, family medical history that can be provided for the care of your children - yours and your fathers.

If you really feel this is something you can't let go, you must talk with your father. If he says no, respect him. If you can't speak to him about it, you have your answer and it is "no".

You do have a good point. But, I know I'm going to worry about my kids health. Everyone worries, I want my kids to be happy, safe and healthy. Which, I have been thinking, I don't know if I can, but is there anyway I can get the medical information with out having to involve my fathers birth parents? Since, it is a "touchy" subject with my dad, I don't want to be the one to hurt or upset him. I do know he petitioned the courts to get his records, but that can take anywhere between 7-10 years. So, I think I am going to back off on wanting to meet them. But, I still would like to know if there's another way to get the medical records. By the way, I'm very sorry about your great- grandparents!

If there is not a life threatening condition involved, then probably not.

You could get a lawyer, and try to get the information, but really---CLOSED means CLOSED.

While biologically, you may be attached to your father's birthparents, LEGALLY you have zero connection. Your father has a few more options than you do, but if he chooses not to pursue that, then you need to respect those wishes.

First no you really have no "right" to know, you have a desire. But your family is the one you know,

And if you find that four other people in your family had heart attacks, what change will that make in your worry about your kids,

Or if three had cancer will that make a differnece in what you do with your kids.?

Sorry but a good medical check up, proper meals, and enough exercise is all we all can do.