I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and he is just perfect in every way. We do everything together and just have the most amazing time... We get on really well with each other's parents and friends and have the same career aspirations.

We are planning to get a flat together and basically just stay together forever, but there is a part of me that wonders whether this is the right thing- I by nature want everything to be the best and perfect in every way and don't settle for less, plus I am a lot more immature when it comes to having fun, not really thinking things through and just diving in head first and taking risks, whereas he is a lot more pragmatic and sober in his approach.

This has only become apparent recently, as at the beginning he portrayed an image of someone more similar to how I was, but I notice that he is not particularly bothered about being in a second place, or even below, nor does he have the fully adventurous side, due to self confidence issues (which had only surfaced over the past few months)

The way he is, he would quite happily stay together for indefinite amount of time together, but I don't know whether I would, because although everything is perfect now, I don't want to end up 20 years down the line, severely depressed because I wasted my life settling and not listening to the doubts..

I just want to know whether you think, from an outsiders perspective whether I am being stupid, or this is a genuine concern?

To ask a question, do you guyz ever have a relationship talk, I mean it seems its only your thought about this guy, and you don't know the real him. Better u 2 have small talk together or see a professional about your relationship and your feeling about him to solve the mysteries concern... anyway I mean if possible

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Originally Posted by DivosMaster

to ask a question, do you guyz ever have a relationship talk, i mean it seems its only your thought about this guy, and you dont know the real him. better u 2 have small talk together or see a professional about ur relationship and ur feeling about him to solve the mysteries concern...anyway i mean if possible

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I have actually, spoke to him a lot about it, but thing is, he just then adapts his behaviours and changes a few things to suit me- and that's not what I want at all, I don't want to change him, it is just that things I see as issues are inherent to him as a person, genetically, or due to upbringing...

I just wonder whether it's just my rather spoilt approach to life that requires everything to be perfect that is at fault, or whether it is an issue worth worrying a lot about and possibly taking actions against... Im proper stuck! Was considering seeing a professional though, so thanks a lot for advice :)

For the most part in what you wrote it seems like you have a great relationship. I think differences between two people are a wonderful thing. You can learn and grow off each other. In the end you will just know how to balance each other out if you truly love each other. I don't think so much you need counseling. In my opinion you have been together long enough the newness isn't so new anymore and your settling in to a comfort zone. Now your questioning it, where before you weren't. Do you love him? Can you see yourself together for the long haul? Then don't question it. If your worried about the future then its your insecurities getting in the way.

I've always believed that opposites attract and our differences are what help a relationship. I mean there are other circumstances in which it isn't true but, the things you describe aren't that bad unless you want them to be. Just to let you know, my fiancé and I are very much alike but have several differences. I am more of an out of the box person, I am highly social able, I can start a conversation with anyone, I have a lot of friends. Her, opposite for the most part. It helps define our relationship as two like people are only going to bump heads

It sounds like you have found quite a spectacular person for you, but honestly its not like you guys are planning on getting married, just moving in together.
If you think you're settling then you need to consider why you think that. And also, it sounds like you think your relationship is getting too deep, if so, just tell him that maybe getting a flat together isn't the best idea.
As for the social chameleon thing, being one myself I think its best to understand that he just wants to please you, although that cripples him severely because he's not exactly being a free thinker. You can't snap him out of that... Point it out to him and that its okay for him to say what's on his mind, have an opinion.
I can tell you that part of that desire to be so amiable with you is part of a hidden insecurity that if he disagreed with you, it might cause you to leave, be upset, start a fight, etc.
Assurance is key, that you will take his disagreements and work with them to find a solution... That you're not going to bite him.

God, that is some perfect advice, it was a long shot to post a question online, and its amazing how great and sensible your opinions are!

You have definitely put my mind at rest, it is true that perhaps having two outgoing people in the relationship may cause tension, in terms of fighting for attention, seeing who can shout louder. And you're right- it is not as if getting a flat together means we'll need to start thinking about retirement home.
And I think you're right about the insecurity thing- he always does go for what I want to do, even if it doesn't make sense for him to genuinely want to do it..

We have spoken about it again today, and it became apparent that he was severely depressed, but he didn't want to impose (because I have had few anxiety/depression issues myself in the past few months), so it all kind of makes more sense..

Again I can't thank you all enough for your fantastic advice, it really has helped me a lot :)