I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Last night we were watching TV and I saw a great dane, which is my favorite dog, he then told me that my husband and I can have one. I replied by saying yea you... but then he said he was never going to marry me. There are many times when he is back and forth. There are many times that he talks about how our house would be , etc... but then he tells me that it won't happen, find a new man who would, etc... I don't know if his jokes are for real, or what. I know that I have mentioned more than once that I want to get married. So he knows how I feel about the topic. I love him tremendously and he tells me he loves me tremendously too. I am so extremely upset about it. :(. Help!!

How old are you?

You both need to sit down and have a calm but serious discussion about where this relationship is going. Try not to let strong emotions turn it into an argument. You need to be honest about your needs but at the same time listen to what he needs. Maybe you can come to a compromise on what the future holds.

I'm 25 and he is 26.

He has me as his beneficiary and a user of his personal credit card. I don't think anyone would do that if they weren't serious about the relationship. But I don't know anymore :confused:

Well, you know the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

If he's not interested in marriage he's just not interested. The more you talk about it, the more he'll resist. However, having said all that, perhaps you could have a serious non-confrontational discussion with him about exactly why he feels like he does and why he wouldn't marry you.

Then you need to decide what is important. Clearly there is a commitment on his part and he loves you. Can you live with this? Is it enough?

Ask yourself is marriage THAT important to you? What would marriage add to your relationship that you don't have now?

Talking is an important part of any good relationship. Tell him you'd like to tease out the issues and then you'll leave the subject alone.

Good luck.

Thanks!! I am just a little upset. I am so the type that really wants that level of commitment! I am going to have to sit him down and talk to him aobut it.

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Originally Posted by jackiep013

Thanks!!! I am just a little upset. i am so the type that really wants that level of commitment! i am going to have to sit him down and talk to him aobut it.

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That is the only you will know where both stand on the relationship.

I will point out that there are people who have made the choice for whatever reasons to not get legally married with a wedding and marriage certificate, but that is the only distinction between their relationship and a legal marriage. The commitment may even be stronger because there isn't a formal contract holding them together.

I take it that marriage is something you want.

You have invested five years of your life in this relationship, and he can't commit to marriage.

In my opinion there is a definite difference between living together as husband and wife, and actually being husband and wife. It is a different level of commitment to each other, and if that is what you want, you need to draw a line in the sand here.

If he will not commit, or chooses not to for whatever reason, the decision is, whether you are going to invest another five years, only to have the same answer.

He may be a great guy, and have all the qualities of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but if the main event for you isn't going to happen, then you will have some serious decisions to make about your future.

I am going to have to really soul search. I think all of you are really right... the funny thing is we both still live at home. And both of our parents would disown us, if we move out together. Marriage is a huge part of our culture and since I was a little girl I have always dreamt of a family and home like that. It doesn't help that I am catholic and hispanic. I guess a large part of me wants that declaration. I know that he loves me, but I would like to know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... he has never said it.
I guess I am just going to have to talk to him or soul search and see what's important...