Ask Me Help Desk - Custody conflict

I nor my son's Mother have filed for custody or submitted a parenting plan to date. I was incarcerated at the birth of my son and was released when he was 7 that was in 2007. From the time I was released June 07 till oct 07 everything ran smooth I worked full time and took my care of my son mon-fri at that time his Mother pretty much dictated the rules and regulations of my son based on my ignorance of the custody laws. I felt my son was bieng neglected and kept him from his mother the authorities were called and they informed me that in the state of Washington without a custody or parenting plan there was nothing they could do. I returned him to his mother due to threats and possible violation of parole and left it at that. I am now married and have another child living in Hawaii. My family and I recently went home to visit my family and I got to see my son through my sister. I was tempted to take him back with me due to the state in which he was brought to me. He had only one change of clothing, no tooth brush or tooth paste and he was not well groomed. As usual I brought him new clothes and shoes and got him a hair cut. I later requested from his mother to bring him another set of clothes, it took her 3 days to bring him a set and when she did bring them, they were wet and I had to dry them. I began to think what would happen if I do go back home and take him with me from Washington to Hawaii without his mother permission? Could she file kidnapping charges against me? What rights as his father do I have if I decide to just take him and give him a better life?

You really have to be kidding? You are a convicted felon and you want to risk kidnapping charges?

Yes, even if you are listed as the child's legal parent, you WOULD be pursued and prosecuted for parental kidnapping. If you are not the legal father it could be even worse.

You stated; "based on my ignorance of the custody laws". Well why haven't you educated yourself. You are lucky she didn't press kidnapping charges against you when you first tried to illegally keep your son!

What you should have done, when the police told you there was nothing they could do without a plan is ask hoe to setup such a plan. They would have probably told you to retain a Family Law attorney which is what I'm going to tell you.

You should have called children's services to check on the care of the child. Then had your attorney file for physical custody. And that's what you have to do now. You have to establish the mother's unfitness and then ask the court to grant you custody.

I think you misunderstood I voluntarily gave my son back to his mother I had legal right to keep my son which is why when the police came to investigate the situation I was told that I could keep my son because there wasn't a parenting plan or custody plan and because my home was safe and clean she would have to go to court to get him BACK!! Me being on parole was not a factor at all and the Law clearly was not biased as I see you are. I was ignorant thinking that people would overlook a person's past if their future was in a positive direction. I have a wonderful support system and everyone who sincerely can provide their child with love and support should have the opportunity to nourish their child.

Whether you are a good person doesn't matter. You are still talking about kidnapping a child.

Get a lawyer and fight for LEGAL custody.

Sorry, if you leave the state, even if they don't do the kidnapping, they can order you to return to the state with the child or return the child, you can't leave the state with him.

The issue is that you have done nothing you have gotten no child custody order, no visitation order no nothing.
That is your first step

Quote:

Originally Posted by quietwhisper19

I think you misunderstood I voluntarily gave my son back to his mother I had legal right to keep my son which is why when the police came to investigate the situation I was told that I could keep my son because there wasnt a parenting plan or custody plan and due to the fact that my home was safe and clean she would have to go to court to get him BACK!!!!!! Me being on parole was not a factor at all and the Law clearly was not biased as I see you are. I was ignorant thinking that people would overlook a person's past if thier future was in a positive direction. I have a wonderful support system and everyone who sincerely can provide thier child with love and support should have the opportunity to nourish thier child.

I think you misunderstood me. What bias do you think I have? I could not overlook your past, but I did not let it interfere with my advice for your future.

Did I not give you advice on how to secure custody for son? Did I say anything about your not being entitled to your rights as a father? There are two areas of misunderstanging here. The first was a result of your not providing sufficient information. NOWHERE in your OP did you state what your legal relationship is with the child and his mother. If the police were willing to leave your son with you, a fact you did not make clear, then you have to be listed as the legal father. Only that fact, something you again did not mention, would give you equal rights to your son absent any parenting plan. Had you made that clear, my answer would have been somewhat different.

But my main issue which doesn't change, is that you NEED to be going through the Family Services and Court system to secure custody for your son. You should not be taking matters into your own hands.

I do applaud you on wanting to take care of your son and fulfilling your parental responsibilities. But you don't want to screw it up by going outside the system.

I think before you try saying things about this case any further you need to get your stories straight and stop trying to abuse those that are helping you. Scott gave good advice based on what was written.

Here is your confsng words :

First post
I felt my son was bieng neglected and kept him from his mother the authorities were called and they informed me that in the state of Washington without a custody or parenting plan there was nothing they could do. I returned him to his mother due to threats and possible violation of parole and left it at that. ( end quote )

Then after you received advice you try ripping the person helping you and your story changes.

2nd posting :

Me being on parole was not a factor at all and the Law clearly was not biased as I see you are.
I think you misunderstood I voluntarily gave my son back to his mother I had legal right to keep my son which is why when the police came to investigate the situation I was told that I could keep my son because there wasn't a parenting plan or custody plan and because my home was safe and clean she would have to go to court to get him BACK!! ( end quote )

Its very clear from where I sit your either not being clear or your trying to create a pity party. Figure out what you really want and try sticking to the story the first time.