Ok so I'm not doing good... at all... last night I saw pictures of her kissing the new guy... it seemed passionate and to be honest the image is haunting me... so I need insight... ive heard it all before... work on yourself,its over move on,you'll find love again... but right now that's not what I need to hear... we were together 3 yrs... both each others first love... the breakup was 5 weeks ago and totally came out of the blue.. NO She was not already long gone... last time
We were intimate it was full of passion and also 2 weeks before I texted her we need to talk(about something unrelated)... not realizing how this sounded... anyway she panicked and called me non stop while I was in class... so needless to say it wasn't a progressie thing... she loved me till the very end... but now she seems so happy with the new guy... how could this be real? They met 4 days later... she did not grieve... she tends to flee her problems... now this is not a will I get her back thread... its more of a please someone tell me this is all erraric
Behavior and mostly her believing she is in love and nothing more than infatuation and attraction... yesterday we spoke because I saw the pics and broke down.. told me the day before she had looked at the pictures of us of an amazing weekend we spent at the lake only a month before... she told me she felt happy looking at those picutres... thats got to mean something? She also admitted cheking my fb profile from a mutual friends account... but she is honest with me though... she is not giving any hope... she said she needed to live new experiences... so basically that's my situation... how could the new relationship be anything serious? They started being official in a matter of weeks... and its obvious she has unresolved fwelings for me? I know most people on forums tend to be pessimistic about reconciliation... but this was true love... and both our first time finding it... despite seeing other people... so whhat is this? A rebound? Does she still love
Me? Please I'm in so much paib right now
Thank you

If she's out kissing other guys, you can bet that she's moved on with her life. So stop falling for the demon of false hope that she might still love you. It doesn't matter if it was a rebound, if she still cared about you, she wouldn't go kissing other guys.

You need to block her out of her life so that you can heal properly. Keeping in contact with her and looking at her pictures will prolong the agony.

Respect the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Fight the urges of breaking the rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

I'm in the same position as you, what you need to do is disappear, who knows what's going on, it probably is a rebound, but why does it matter, you guys broke up, and she's probably lonely so he's there, my ex told me we need to experience new things and grow as people because we were our first loves and were together for about 3 years, and she started dating someone else about 3 weeks later, its been a month since they've been dating, I'm still pissed, but what can you do, how did you see pics of her you should stay off her fb, just let it go man, when people do get back together, they usually let go all the way, and start a new relationship, not resume an old one, either way, to get where you need to be you need to TRY to move on, don't be so desperate, forget about her and leave her alone

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Originally Posted by I wish

If she's out kissing other guys, you can bet that she's moved on with her life. So stop falling for the demon of false hope that she might still love you. It doesn't matter if it was a rebound, if she still cared about you, she wouldn't go kissing other guys.

You need to block her out of her life so that you can heal properly. Keeping in contact with her and looking at her pictures will prolong the agony.

Respect the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Fight the urges of breaking the rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

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It isn't always that simple though... some people avoid the grieving process and flee the issue... take my aunt for example... she dated a guy one month after my uncle died from cancer... did she stop caring? Hell no... does she regret doing that? Hell yes! Things aren't always black and white..

Rebound or not -what you must do is get your life together again.
Read the stickies-get active-delete all numbers, email etc and stop torturing yourself on FB.
You'll get over this,in time.

I know I will... I know it will get better... I know what I need to do... but why is it so hard for people to tell me... yes it does seem rather odd and it does seem to be a relationship that is based on very little... and she does have unresolved feelings obviously..

She may,it's possible but nobody can read her mind,only she knows how she feels.
The thing is, for you to start healing you must stop overanalyzing her behaviour as that slows down your own progress and you'll stay stuck in the breakup longer than you need to.
You are the one posting here and our advice is aimed at helping you start feeling better.

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Originally Posted by Mig1210

I know i will....i know it will get better...i know what i need to do...but why is it so hard for people to tell me...yes it does seem rather odd and it does seem to be a relationship that is based on very little...and she does have unresolved feelings obviously..

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I guess my question for you is, since you seem so emotionally hurt and want to rebut the advice we give you, is what do you want us to say and what are you wanting us to analyze? Do you want us to tell you she is in a rebound, that she is probably hurt and needs an emotional crutch to lean on? Do you want us to tell you it is normal to look at pictures of our ex and get sad? Do you want us to tell you that she is lost and obviously still cares about you?

Tell you why we can't say anything like that to you: because we are thinking without emotions and we are using logic, which would tell you there is no way we have any clue as to her feelings. Odds are, yes she still cares about you and yes she is still hurting. The odds are also that it doesn't matter and that you don't benefit either way even if that is true.

As much as this hurts and as many questions you may have, we can't answer. We can tell you how to help yourself, but we can't read the minds of others. So, what can we do to help you?

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I guess my question for you is, since you seem so emotionally hurt and want to rebut the advice we give you, is what do you want us to say and what are you wanting us to analyze? Do you want us to tell you she is in a rebound, that she is probably hurt and needs an emotional crutch to lean on? Do you want us to tell you it is normal to look at pictures of our ex and get sad? Do you want us to tell you that she is lost and obviously still cares about you?

Tell you why we can't say anything like that to you: because we are thinking without emotions and we are using logic, which would tell you there is no way we have any clue as to her feelings. Odds are, yes she still cares about you and yes she is still hurting. The odds are also that it doesn't matter and that you don't benefit either way even if that is true.

As much as this hurts and as many questions you may have, we can't answer. We can tell you how to help yourself, but we can't read the minds of others. So, what can we do to help you?

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You are totally right... I just thought that wiith all the facts mentioned above... That maybe people would reassure me in telling me thhat she is obviously rebounding hard... I know that no one knows... I know that she probably doesn't know herself... but I hate this... I hate wanting to bang my head on the wall till the picyure of them kissing disapears... I hatr having thoughts of harming myself... I hate the fact that she was the only sourcr of happiness in my life... it hurts... a lot... and I'm lost

You are your own source of happiness-we all are. That's why the advice is for you to get better and not analyzing her actions. Do you go to the gym and/or practice any sports? Time to do something that keeps you physically active.
Harming yourself in anyway is no solution -it's time to take care of yourself and look after YOU.

It seems like somewhere along the way ,you got so involved with her ,you lost yourself ,now you are having withdrawal from the couple mindset.

You don't know how to function without her in your life.You need to learn how.

Change is difficult and so are break -ups but it will get better for you if are willing to commit yourself to it.

Speculating on her motives or her feelings is a moot point.She has moved on ,for better of worse and you need to do the same.

You have to give yourself a kick in the hind end and stop wallowing in self pity and "what if's" and accept the hand you have been dealt.

You can make this easier on yourself if you do the work.

Start making YOU a priority in your life and go out and try to live a little.Life is too short to wallow in grief.You will not find many people in this life who are with their first loves.

Sometimes people are meant to be in our life for only a moment .
Take from that what is was,a great thing while it lasted but not meant to last forever.

Learn from it and treasure it but don't try to hang on to what is gone.It will only hurt you.

At this point, it doesn't matter whether she's on the rebound or not anymore.

The point is, you are suffering and you need to heal. If you want to keep suffering by over-analyzing all the details, then continue what you are doing and we're not going to stop you.

But if you want to heal, then no contact is a very effective tool to help you. Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to approach the situation.

It's not about being black and white. It's about healing from your pains. That's why no contact is highly recommended.

It's ultimately your choice whether you want to use that tool or not.

I understand this... but is seeking reassurance that what she is rebounding thst wrong? I mean I want to know that I meant something... frankly if she can claim to love someone else 2 weeks after leaving me then I meant nothing... and I don't know about you but knowing that the last 3 yrs of my life were a huge lie makes me want to curl up in a ball and die... if that makes me weak... so be it... I don't care anymore

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Originally Posted by Mig1210

I understand this...but is seeking reassurance that what she is rebounding thst wrong? I mean i want to know that i meant something...frankly if she can claim to love someone else 2 weeks after leaving me then i meant nothing...and i dont know about you but knowing that the last 3 yrs of my life were a huge lie makes me wanna curl up in a ball and die...if that makes me weak...so be it..... I dont care anymore

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So you prefer to have the attitude of a loser and a quitter huh? Were you alive before she came along?

Break ups happen, and it sucks, but it isn't the end of life. No female makes or breaks you, you do that to yourself. Don't give her the credit she isn't even due. Yes she loved you and yes this is probably a rebound but unfortunately that doesn't solve the problems you have.

3 years can't be replaced. Of course she once loved you (and possibly still does), but things have changed now, for whatever reason. You are a good guy, having a three year relationship to prove it. Don't throw that stuff away because it ended. The sum of your qualities is more than her, or the relationship you once had with her.

There is no doubt that she probably still cares about you, but that doesn't mean she wants to be in a relationship with you. She still has positive memories of you that hurt her too, but she has accepted the fact that its over, and has decided to move on.

This really could be a rebound for her, but who cares what you call it - she is dealing with this however she feels is necessary whether it is the right thing to do or not. You should stop analyzing her actions - stop paying attention to what she is doing and just stop contacting her. No contact isn't meant to be a spitful thing to inflict pain on the other person. It is just meant to help you heal.

You are both young - you need to establish a life of your own - make new friends not associated with her - and stop thinking about her. I know its so hard to do, but eventually a day will come when you don't think about her every minute, then a week, then a month. Just takes time.

And stop thinking that the last 3 years of your life were full of lies. At the time, you were both looking for love, learning about each other, etc - that's what dating is about - learning about someone new findinmg out if you are compatible. Not everyone is - and you figure it out - either one day into it - or 3 years into it. No one starts a relationship with the intent to hurt the other person, but it happens.

You relationship was what it was - you can't change it - you can't change the other person - learn from it - and move on. Good luck!

Okk so here's a quick rundown of my situation... my ex girlfriend and I dated for 2 1/2 yrs... towards the end it got stale and I took her a bit for granted... so did she... but anyway shr left me and started seriously dating a guy 2 weeks later... needless to say everything happened wayyyy too fast... even according to her friends and family... so after being depressed for over a month it got better... then I saw a picture of her kissing the need guy... it got to me so I called her and we spoke for 3 hours... she cried the whole time and was pretty confusing in what she said... anyway I accepted that it was out of my control and towards the end of the conversation I told her that I wouldn't let her hurt me anymore and that I wanted her to act like I was dead... to not contacT me under any circumstances as I had no intentions of ever being friends... well she agreed and over the next few days I felt liberated... then 5 days later she texts me about a random thing we use to laugh at when we were together... it just really screwed with my head because it wasn't about anything... it was really light hearted and basically was a reference to us as a couple... I started thinking maybe things weren't going so great with the rebound... I didn't annswer and since then she hasn't contacted me (5days)... whyyyyy do they do this! She's got me hooked again and I keep trying to analyze what it meant and why she sent it... anyway I guess I just needed to vent... thanks

If the ex texts you, block her telephone number. It`s as simple as that.