My boyfriend of 5 years is coming back from rehab in a couple of days, but he is only coming back to get his stuff because he has planned to move due to the reputation and drugs here, so he decided to move. We have a daughter together, that we both love very much. He says he has to move away so he can stay sober, and be a better father for her. But we both decided she was going to stay with me. He asked me if I would be willing to move with him, I told him I would if he would marry me, and he said no, he didn’t want to get forced into something he was not ready for. I don’t get it he wants me to commit and change my life for him but yet he don’t want to commit to me. Plus my parents helped me get this wonderful house, so if I go I will end up losing the house I have here in my home town. And how can he be a better father if he is not the one going to be raising her, sure he will be sober, but he won't get to see her that often, so how in the world can he be a better father. So if I go and things work out than that's great if they don't work out, I loose my house, it's a 50 50 chance and I have a lot to loose. And sometimes when I talk to him he don't say it but he almost gives me the impression that he wants to see what else is out there. Like he tells me he is going to lead this wonderful life and since I'm not apart of it I can't come back because it will be too late. What the @#$% is that suppose to mean. Someone help I don't know how these men think. What would you do if you were in my shoes.

Some newly sober people feel as though they are on a 'new high' so to speak. Its hard to descibe, but it feels new and good.
Give this moving thing some time. Tell him you will be there for him, but aren't willing to move with him quite yet.
Asking for marriage... shouldn't be an utimatum. I think you knew that the timing was wrong for that demand anyway. He just committed himself to his sobriety.
You should also think about the fact he could relaps, and then what? I would rather have a sober father that lived anyware, than a geeked out user in my house. Support his move.

Thanks rockie 100 I did't see it that way I like that. " sober father thay lived anyware, than a geeked out user in my house"

You may have put too many decisions on the table at once for him. He's just staggered out of rehab and probably isn't in the right head space to be making too many decisions about his future.

Give the guy some space. If you care about him, support him -as you have been- and you can delay your own decision to move. Let him go, wherever he's going and continue to see him. It won't be as wonderful in the real world as he thinks, and I bet he'll be relying on your support.

Oh, and Cristy, anyone that wants to remain sober, needs that possitive support. Just like any high, you have to come down. When he learns how to handle his sober self, he will see that "wherever you go... there you are." Don't get me wrong... he likely needs sometime away from the 'haunts, dealers and buddies.' What Im trying to say is that in time, he may feel strong enough to come home.
You could talk to someone in NA on how to ready yourself for anything when it comes to the addiction he is fighting.

Thanks, he does always tell me he needs to become a better man before he can take care of us. So should I let him go and have him discover hi sober self, or move with him and be together with him?

Let this be 'his ride' for now. If he sees you are being supportive, he is likely to remember what he has left, and return. Remember, this is his fight for life right now. Just be the support for when he comes down from his 'sober high.' Right?
Don't leave a stable, reliable home for a uncertain outcome. You must think of your kid too... Not to mention, well, just read the posts over again. I think you can tell I have been there.

Yeah I was going to ask if you have ever had a problem with addiction because it sounded like you been there and back, but I didn't want to be out of line, thanks.