Ask Me Help Desk - Father & Son

Hi.
I have to tell you a bit about myself before I can ask a question.
I'm 15. I have 3 older twin brothers. I'm the alternative one in the family. And I believe my dad hates me. I smoke and so does he but no one in my family knows.
He found out I did and that's when I started, he doesn't give me allowance and he doesn't talk to me. I have a girlfriend and I've been with her for just over a year and he doesn't think its right for me to stay at hers or even have a girlfriend. I believe I'm his least favorite and I believe I'm an accident. I don't know what to do can anyone help.

I'm going to try and see both points of view...

First yours...

Your 15,you smoke,everyone's smokes right,what's the big deal,there's worse things you could be doing,right?

Hell,she's your girlfriend,you should be able to spend time with her,and if her parents don't mind you staying ,why does your father have a problem... your not a kid anymore...

How am I doing so far?

Now your dad...

Smoking causes lung cancer,and he's worried you will get hooked,he's afraid for you...
They cost money! Lots of money... and he won't help you buy cigs to help you harm yourself or shorten the life of his son.

You have a girlfriend,and you stay over,he's worried about her getting pregnant,and you not doing your school work,he is the parent and can see the traps and the problems that will/can arise from staying there.

Solutions.

Stop smoking...

Ask your dad for help to do it,maybe you can do it together and support each other.

Stop staying at your girlfriends house,find a compromise with your dad.

I don't think he hates you,in fact I think he loves you and he is worried that your gone to far from the beaten track... his way of trying to set the boundries is to stop giving you money for cigs,and stop you sleeping at your girlfriends house..

Your knocking heads because he is trying to protect you and your trying to be independent,but you still have a bit to go yet..

He's doing his best.. try and help him along,and you will see a big difference in your relationship with him...

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35

im going to try and see both points of view...

first yours...

your 15,you smoke,everyones smokes right,whats the big deal,theres worse things you could be doing,right?

hell,shes your girlfriend,you should be able to spend time with her,and if her parents dont mind you staying ,why does your father have a problem...your not a kid anymore.....

how am i doing so far?

now your dad...

smoking causes lung cancer,and hes worried you will get hooked,hes afraid for you...
they cost money! lots of money...and he wont help you buy cigs to help you harm yourself or shorten the life of his son.

you have a girlfriend,and you stay over,hes worried about her getting pregnant,and you not doing your school work,he is the parent and can see the traps and the problems that will/can arise from staying there.

solutions.

stop smoking...

ask your dad for help to do it,maybe you can do it together and support each other.

stop staying at your girlfriends house,find a compromise with your dad.

i dont think he hates you,in fact i think he loves you and he is worried that your gone to far from the beaten track...his way of trying to set the boundries is to stop giving you money for cigs,and stop you sleeping at your girlfriends house..

your knocking heads because he is trying to protect you and your trying to be independent,but you still have a bit to go yet..

hes doing his best..try and help him along,and you will see a big differance in your relationship with him...

That was like half of it. I have hair and dress like Joshua third image by Ingunn17 on Photobucket joshua third of the horrors.
He doesn't like it and I can never seem to make him happy. If he asks ne to do something ill do it but he always seems that he doesn't like the way I do it or something

Quote:

Originally Posted by MattyRamone

that was like half of it. i have hair and dress like Joshua third image by Ingunn17 on Photobucket joshua third of the horrors.
He doesnt like it and i can never seem to make him happy. if he asks ne to do something ill do it but he always seems that he doesnt like the way i do it or something

Your expressing yourself and finding your identity,there's nothing wrong with that... try and remind him of the fashion when he was younger...

Maybe he sees himself in you... but the only way to solve this is to talk to him,and really talk to him..

He does not understand you,and you do not understand him.. your both talking a different language...

So,what to do.

He is a grown man,with his own ideas of childrearing and protecting his family,you can't fault him for worrying or doing that, what you can do is help him understand where you are... without argueing.

He was 15 once remember.

How about your brothers,could one of them talk to him for you?

Also,if he aske you to do something and he's not happy with the way you have done it,ask him to show you... in a nice way!

OK thank you. You have helped me a lot. I think. The rest of the week will be rough. Again thank you

Talk to him and be honest,be mature!

Don't argue, state your case,and find some middle ground you can both be happy with...

Don't forget though,he's been there,done that,he's knows all the loop holes and all the get clauses... you won't be able to fool him...

Show respect for him as your father,be calm and be honest..